(no subject)
i'm in iowa.
i come home in 3 days.
& i miss playing soccer more than anything. well, not anything.
we went and watched my grandpa sing and play his guitar today, whatta experience. (you'd know if you saw the pics) haha
i miss my sister. and cerena. and tina.
Lately, i've let myself feel like shit inside. And it sucks. I try hiding it from everyone just so i don't have to talk about it, or put them in akward moments. I hate right now. I love my life, and everything that comes with it. I feel blessed to be so happy, but theres just something that sucks sooo bad. You know that feeling of wanting something you can't have? Well, i have that feeling. And I'd give anything for it to go away. It's stupid wasting my day thinking about something when i should be having fun. I'm on vacation right? That's pretty much what someone should be doing is having fun. I have been, but the moment i sit down, or im not constantly on the go, i start to think about it. I keep telling myself I'm only 17, who cares. You have your whole life ahead of you. And that theres always going to be someone else. But right now i dont want anyone else. This sounds bad, but i've never experienced wanting something i couldn't have. (well, except for dustin, but whatev.) And it's almost as if i dont know what to do, or how to act. I've already said what was on my mind and all i get in return is a "wait." well, i'm not fucking waiting. that's stupid. if you know, you know. you shouldn't have to let shit run its course and see how that works out for you. And then, if it doesn't, i'm here. fuck that. i dont know what to do though. i should move, that sounds amazing right now.
i come home in 3 days.
& i miss playing soccer more than anything. well, not anything.
we went and watched my grandpa sing and play his guitar today, whatta experience. (you'd know if you saw the pics) haha
i miss my sister. and cerena. and tina.
Lately, i've let myself feel like shit inside. And it sucks. I try hiding it from everyone just so i don't have to talk about it, or put them in akward moments. I hate right now. I love my life, and everything that comes with it. I feel blessed to be so happy, but theres just something that sucks sooo bad. You know that feeling of wanting something you can't have? Well, i have that feeling. And I'd give anything for it to go away. It's stupid wasting my day thinking about something when i should be having fun. I'm on vacation right? That's pretty much what someone should be doing is having fun. I have been, but the moment i sit down, or im not constantly on the go, i start to think about it. I keep telling myself I'm only 17, who cares. You have your whole life ahead of you. And that theres always going to be someone else. But right now i dont want anyone else. This sounds bad, but i've never experienced wanting something i couldn't have. (well, except for dustin, but whatev.) And it's almost as if i dont know what to do, or how to act. I've already said what was on my mind and all i get in return is a "wait." well, i'm not fucking waiting. that's stupid. if you know, you know. you shouldn't have to let shit run its course and see how that works out for you. And then, if it doesn't, i'm here. fuck that. i dont know what to do though. i should move, that sounds amazing right now.