I'm running on empty
I have been so stressed lately, not just with school, but with that fact that I can't find a job anywhere. I've put in many applications but no one has given me a call back. It kinda makes me feel like I'm not good enough but I know that its just because the economy sucks right now. Its not like I'm completely broke right now, but eventually its going to come to that. And so I decide that basically my last resort is to go to Biolife and sell plasma. But it seems that when I tell people about that, they don't think its a good idea. Right now, it seems like the easiest way to make money. I mean sure it'll hurt a bit, but I figure that I PAID someone to give me a tattoo which was wayyy more pain than a needle in my arm will be. When I told my mom about this, she basically flat out told me that she doesn't want me to do it. Well its weird because I'm pretty sure that when me and my parents were having the whole apartment talk last year, they said that I better find a way to make money because if not then I'll be in deep shit. Well, I can't find a job at the moment, not because I haven't looked, just because no one is hiring, so I find an easy way to get money, and now they don't want me to do it. My mom says on the phone "school comes first". Really? Because that wasn't what they were implying last year when I told them I was moving off campus. They made it seem like a job was more important. And I know she says that she'll give me money, but I don't want to ask for money. I hate asking people for money. I don't want to be like my sister and two brothers who constantly ask for money from them even though they all have jobs. I promised myself I wouldn't be like that when I moved into an apartment. I know how much my parents complain about having to give the other three money, and I don't want them to have to complain about having to give me money. I want to get money on my own and not have to depend on someone else. Thats where Biolife comes in. I don't get what the big deal is. I mean sure I'll look like a drug addict because my arm will probably have bruises on it from going two times a week, but when I make the 220 bucks a month it'll be worth it.
I seriously envy everyone else who has a job. Thats more than I can say. I feel like I'm a failure and not accomplishing anything because I can't get employment anywhere. And when I thought that I had finally found a job at the Alumni house, of course the day I go to turn in my application is the day right after they stopped accepting them. Thats the story of my life. Bad fucking luck. Why can't I just go to the casino and put like five bucks in a penny slot machine and get lots of money? Why does that have to happen to everyone else but me? Why do I have to be so fucking unlucky. I hate going grocery shopping because I know that its money I'm just throwing away. And I really try to budget my expenses, but it sucks. I still have to pay the electric bill so thats more money from my bank account. Biolife is seeming more and more like the best idea ever. Maybe I just shouldn't have told my mom. I'm still going to do it. I have no other choice. Its the only thing I can think of at this point. My current economic state makes me so depressed. Could this day get any worse? And my wireless is shit right now. Great. Thanks world. What else do you want to pile on?
I seriously envy everyone else who has a job. Thats more than I can say. I feel like I'm a failure and not accomplishing anything because I can't get employment anywhere. And when I thought that I had finally found a job at the Alumni house, of course the day I go to turn in my application is the day right after they stopped accepting them. Thats the story of my life. Bad fucking luck. Why can't I just go to the casino and put like five bucks in a penny slot machine and get lots of money? Why does that have to happen to everyone else but me? Why do I have to be so fucking unlucky. I hate going grocery shopping because I know that its money I'm just throwing away. And I really try to budget my expenses, but it sucks. I still have to pay the electric bill so thats more money from my bank account. Biolife is seeming more and more like the best idea ever. Maybe I just shouldn't have told my mom. I'm still going to do it. I have no other choice. Its the only thing I can think of at this point. My current economic state makes me so depressed. Could this day get any worse? And my wireless is shit right now. Great. Thanks world. What else do you want to pile on?