How Do I Heal?
I feel right now, like there are these searing wounds that burn across my heart. They throb and ache with each passing second, and pulse of my blood. And as each new dawn brings a new day, I start to believe that through the night perhaps the cuts have healed just a bit. And foolishly, for a day or two, I begin to feel better. I deceive myself into believing the healing process is beginning. But it's just a scab. A scab that is newly formed. And along comes a memory, that rips the scab and tears the wound deeper than it originally was.
I need time. Time away from thought, distraction from whatever the hell it is that makes me think of her, I need to identify what the hell it is that will not allow me to be free from her suffocating grip.
"What the hell is so special about this girl anyways?" "You know what... now that I think about it. Nothing. She in herself was not particularly unique." It was all situational. A happy relationship. First one I cared about since my marriage ended. And it was unexpected.
And for the record, someone doesn't need to be "special" from everyone's point of view, to have meaning in your life. They only need to be special to you.
I need to find a way to cauterize these wounds, and be left with the scars. Just so that I can stop the bleeding. All wounds heal in time but scars remain.