Much Overdue
I wish I was as wise as I am now, only six years ago. And when I say that, it's not so much about knowing what would happen in my life, as it is about, having the knowledge about human relationships. The recognition of when a relationship is sick, from the very beginning. When the ever important, sacred truth, is hidden and covered in malignant lies, in order to make you look better. Or because you might think I would judge you. That's not what anything is about. That's setting a precedent for more lies later, I can't believe I couldn't recognize it. Again, in my youth, perhaps, in the ignorance of my love, I cast it all aside and wrote it off as being acceptable. It's as much my fault as it is yours.
Somehow I realize now that I am not a jealous person. And that the "jealousy" that existed within me, stemmed from being lied to time and time again. The way you couldn't keep things platonic, and all the excuses you made about how long you knew these males friends of yours. Sometimes enough is enough, and there are certain "nice-ities" that should be observed for the sake of one another. That didn't mean anything to you though. And now its fine.
You were spoiled. I bent over backwards to make sure you had just about everything you wanted. And the moment that I did anything for myself, I no longer was thinking about you. Of course. Again, through fault of my own I suppose. Just maybe though, your extreme lack of maturity did not allow you to rationalize the way things were. I know that I did the best that I could for us. And that is why I have already made my peace. It just feels good to say some of these things.
Babies don't fix problems in marriages. They may change the focus briefly from the incredible problems at the forefront, to the wellbeing of the child, but they don't fix anything. If you think that, you are horribly foolish. A child should never be brought into the world, so that it can solve a problem. Children are created out of love.
I never hit you. I never yelled at you.
When you sneak behind my back, to see other guys, there is something wrong. And not on my part, but on yours. The utter lack of communication, and your failure to discuss the real issues at hand, do not allow at any point in time, for adultery, infidelity. It's never ok. It wasn't the first time, the second, the third... no matter how, who, what, why or when. Just no.
I didn't take to you to a concert, last minute, with shitty seats left. I apologize. Apparently, that's the only thing you can find to talk about when I ask what went wrong, so it must be so infinitely important. And when I offer to take you, even though both of those conditions exist, and you refuse? Still definitely my fault. After all, I did design those buildings and did withhold the information you needed to know about the concert from you till the last minute, so again. My bad.
My Chemical Romance sucks horrible emo ass. Gerard Way is the funky butt lover of Rosie O'Donell. They dildo each other in the doo doo holes with big black dicks, while eating shit sandwiches.
Your new boyfriend is ugly.
And your lip piercing is gay.
At the end, the only reason I didn't go to bed at the same time as you was because I didn't want to spend time with you. You had hurt me too badly. It pained me to lay beside you. Someone I had devoted my life to, and gave my all, who would wrong me time and again behind my back, and attempt to be sweet to my face, for the sake of our "marriage". You are a two toungued, three-faced whore.
I will never forgive you for giving my dog, my "son", away without a bit of notice. Even though he is much better off now, and I am sure happier, I can never forgive it.
I am infinitely relieved and happier, no longer being married to you.
Oh and by the way...
Try not to suck any dicks on your way out.