Ah...here we go. That's right. This is me.
Physically, I'm feeling at about 85% today; Slightly nauseous and a bit of a lump in my throat, but generally okay. Mentally, however, I'm at about 99%. I'm finally feeling centered again. After I came home, I've been emotionally and mentally all over the place, especially a couple weeks ago. My biggest struggle was w/ figuring out who I was all over again. I knew who I was, but I didn't yet know who I am now. This journey was complicated because I had to simultaneously function in my life and figure myself out as I went. I've tested waters of various themes (smoking, drinking, relationships, friendships, sex, drugs, & values/morals) and have gradually and analytically redefined my old boundaries. In a nushell, I'm much more liberal on the surface now while still remaining conservatively grounded. I'm open to smoking, drinking, drug abuse, & sex w/out love (surface), but only w/in limits and good taste, under control (grounded). I once again am fully aware of what I want, what I'll accept, and what I'll reject.
I wonder how much of all that I can transcribe into written summary:
- In relation to my personal goals: My musicianship is core. My apathy in such regards has finally gotten to me while my interest in learning and growing musically has been growing.
- In relation to my peers: I no longer have much of a tolerance for surface-friends/associates. Anyone I befriend right now, it needs to be full-heartedly or I reject them. "Come to me luke warm, and I will spit you out of my mouth."
- In relation to romance and sex: As always I much prefer and desire to find a deep, meaningful, long-term relationship. While single, though, I take dating and sex relatively lightly.
I guess so far, that's not bad. Summed up rather nicely really. ;) Now that I'm centered, I have a better jist of what to expect as far as what way current standings will go and grow in my life. I doubt I'll be single much longer. I'm at the right state mentally and emotionally to get involved, it's what I want (of course), and relations w/ someone are bound to go that way soon. My classes and grades will likely waver a bit but stay about where they are for the rest of the semester. My friendships will grow deeper. My musicianship is about to grow in enough of a spurt that I'll stop, think about it, and be surprised at myself from time to time.
Happiness is something that has to stem from deep w/in. For me, grounded in and centered on myself sets my soul at peace. W/ such happy roots, I'm set. ;)
I wonder how much of all that I can transcribe into written summary:
- In relation to my personal goals: My musicianship is core. My apathy in such regards has finally gotten to me while my interest in learning and growing musically has been growing.
- In relation to my peers: I no longer have much of a tolerance for surface-friends/associates. Anyone I befriend right now, it needs to be full-heartedly or I reject them. "Come to me luke warm, and I will spit you out of my mouth."
- In relation to romance and sex: As always I much prefer and desire to find a deep, meaningful, long-term relationship. While single, though, I take dating and sex relatively lightly.
I guess so far, that's not bad. Summed up rather nicely really. ;) Now that I'm centered, I have a better jist of what to expect as far as what way current standings will go and grow in my life. I doubt I'll be single much longer. I'm at the right state mentally and emotionally to get involved, it's what I want (of course), and relations w/ someone are bound to go that way soon. My classes and grades will likely waver a bit but stay about where they are for the rest of the semester. My friendships will grow deeper. My musicianship is about to grow in enough of a spurt that I'll stop, think about it, and be surprised at myself from time to time.
Happiness is something that has to stem from deep w/in. For me, grounded in and centered on myself sets my soul at peace. W/ such happy roots, I'm set. ;)