Light Without Shadows- Belief and memory
Title: Belief and Memory
Arc: Light Without Shadows
Fandom: FF7
Words: 747
Warning: AUness!
Note: It lives! But seriously, this one is from Seph's view.
There are ways, sometimes, to forget everything that one has ever learned for a little while. It takes focus, dedication, and a strong sense of self. It is also, apparently, more difficult than most would imagine when it is desperately needed by the person trying to achieve that state.
The mind can forget, as can the body. In fact, the mind can override the body in almost any way, and as long as the belief is there, the event will come to pass. This does not, however, work as well when there is no belief. When blind faith is early crushed and the physical demanded as truth… that is when it becomes harder to forget.
Physical teachings are not as forgettable. It takes longer, for instance, to will away a scar, but that does not mean it cannot be done. This, of course, comes back to belief, to faith. If there is a belief in the ability to heal to such an extent, then it will be as the belief would ascribe.
Of course, this means that if one believes that they will die, then they will die.
Just as if they believes that they will not, honestly, deeply, believes it, then they will not. This includes believing that fate will not show her mercy to allow for the quiet of death. This includes being forced to suffer a long, enduring lifetime. But, in the end, belief is truly what keeps one animated when that life has not been put in the hands of others, and even then, there is only so far that technology has come.
Emotion has little to do with the process of forgetting. Particular emotions may play a part in any range of memories, frustration, pain, relief, but they are not the memory themselves. An emotional response will not bring on a cascade. An item, however, is not the same. The smell of an apple may bring about mixed feelings, and then, then, that in turn will surface the feelings and create the memory, but the feelings alone do nothing of the kind.
He wished, at times, that he could shutter away his sense of smell as easily as he had learned to closet his emotions. He wished with burning depth and need, that he could force his senses to a standstill, a moment without registering anything. He wished for many things, small things, quiet mercies.
He also did not believe in them. He could silence his mind, rest without sleeping, and he often did. It was harder when he had injuries, but he believed that they would heal quickly, and so they did, just as they always had. He believed that he would recover from tests, that he would not lose himself to whispers both many and none when dealing with mako, so he did, but he did not believe he could ever escape from that life.
He also could not bear to forget, no matter how deeply and truly he wished himself capable, that he could let it go. He knew there were secrets being kept from him, there always were. He wished and dreamed and craved… but in the end it really, truly was nothing.
He was missing something, he knew that and he dared never mention it. He could watch the faces of scientists as they took readings without expression, and without uttering a sound in the face of the burning fire under his skin from mako or something else. He could even ignore the pain as though it was not there…
But there was no ignoring the changes that were wrought. There was no belief that they would not continue to happen, just as there was no filling that unnamed emptiness.
So when the time came for him to hear of the war, to be sent there, he was relieved. He was also unable to forget. He still longed for that forgetting because he had no faith, no faith at all, that he would not be returning, ultimately, to everything he had ever known before he was given a chance to make a nation bleed.
They were not the one who hurt him, but they were the ones who would feel his disillusionment. There was truly no other alternative for him, and perhaps, if he had believed in mercy, he might too have believed in being able to die.
But, since he did not…
Since he did not, he became known as a Demon. The Demon of Wutai.
Arc: Light Without Shadows
Fandom: FF7
Words: 747
Warning: AUness!
Note: It lives! But seriously, this one is from Seph's view.
There are ways, sometimes, to forget everything that one has ever learned for a little while. It takes focus, dedication, and a strong sense of self. It is also, apparently, more difficult than most would imagine when it is desperately needed by the person trying to achieve that state.
The mind can forget, as can the body. In fact, the mind can override the body in almost any way, and as long as the belief is there, the event will come to pass. This does not, however, work as well when there is no belief. When blind faith is early crushed and the physical demanded as truth… that is when it becomes harder to forget.
Physical teachings are not as forgettable. It takes longer, for instance, to will away a scar, but that does not mean it cannot be done. This, of course, comes back to belief, to faith. If there is a belief in the ability to heal to such an extent, then it will be as the belief would ascribe.
Of course, this means that if one believes that they will die, then they will die.
Just as if they believes that they will not, honestly, deeply, believes it, then they will not. This includes believing that fate will not show her mercy to allow for the quiet of death. This includes being forced to suffer a long, enduring lifetime. But, in the end, belief is truly what keeps one animated when that life has not been put in the hands of others, and even then, there is only so far that technology has come.
Emotion has little to do with the process of forgetting. Particular emotions may play a part in any range of memories, frustration, pain, relief, but they are not the memory themselves. An emotional response will not bring on a cascade. An item, however, is not the same. The smell of an apple may bring about mixed feelings, and then, then, that in turn will surface the feelings and create the memory, but the feelings alone do nothing of the kind.
He wished, at times, that he could shutter away his sense of smell as easily as he had learned to closet his emotions. He wished with burning depth and need, that he could force his senses to a standstill, a moment without registering anything. He wished for many things, small things, quiet mercies.
He also did not believe in them. He could silence his mind, rest without sleeping, and he often did. It was harder when he had injuries, but he believed that they would heal quickly, and so they did, just as they always had. He believed that he would recover from tests, that he would not lose himself to whispers both many and none when dealing with mako, so he did, but he did not believe he could ever escape from that life.
He also could not bear to forget, no matter how deeply and truly he wished himself capable, that he could let it go. He knew there were secrets being kept from him, there always were. He wished and dreamed and craved… but in the end it really, truly was nothing.
He was missing something, he knew that and he dared never mention it. He could watch the faces of scientists as they took readings without expression, and without uttering a sound in the face of the burning fire under his skin from mako or something else. He could even ignore the pain as though it was not there…
But there was no ignoring the changes that were wrought. There was no belief that they would not continue to happen, just as there was no filling that unnamed emptiness.
So when the time came for him to hear of the war, to be sent there, he was relieved. He was also unable to forget. He still longed for that forgetting because he had no faith, no faith at all, that he would not be returning, ultimately, to everything he had ever known before he was given a chance to make a nation bleed.
They were not the one who hurt him, but they were the ones who would feel his disillusionment. There was truly no other alternative for him, and perhaps, if he had believed in mercy, he might too have believed in being able to die.
But, since he did not…
Since he did not, he became known as a Demon. The Demon of Wutai.