The Listener - Seventy One
The Listener (71)
Part: Seventy One (Albertane Interlude)
Genre: Slash/Hancest. A little canon, a little A/U?. Hanson *was* famous. No other siblings.
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Taylor
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: --
Authors Notes:
1. This chapter is set in the past tense, June 1998, approximately three months from the end of the last chapter (59). The following chapters will continue in this tense until otherwise noted. (like the winter/holiday interlude). Enjoy!
Word Count: 3575
I woke several times throughout the night, each and every time, feeling both surprised but grateful, to still be wrapped in the arms of Cam. Snuggled close to him, I felt safe. Just him and I, I felt more like myself. I didn't have to perform or be watched and waited on, I could simply be. I never wondered about his true intentions, perhaps I was naive, but Cam didn't seem to care that I happened to be in a band. If it did affect him, I hadn't known it. By the time the sun had risen and I had watched Cam slowly wake, I felt a little bit nervous. I doubted my parents knew that he'd already arrived; I had known that his early appearance would seem suspicious. I'd of course not yet told them exactly who Cam was - I'd simply described him as a friend. I hadn't felt ready to "come out" to them and yet I also knew that if faced with the question, I'd be unable to lie. Accepting Cam's request to be his boyfriend had meant that I'd taken the final step in coming out to myself and accepting myself and my sexuality for who I was and what it would mean for my life.
This acceptance didn't stop the butterflies that rose in my chest as I prepared for the day. From the corner of my eye, I had watched Cam change. Noticing how broad his shoulders were, how sexy I thought the muscles in his back looked. I blushed when he caught me staring and he came towards me with a playful smile, finally pressing a gentle kiss to my mouth.
"You're quiet this morning?" It was said more like a question than a statement.
"I'm okay." I lied, swallowing the lump in my throat.
Cam stared at me, brown eyes searching my blues and I could see the cogs and gears turning in his head. He could see through me and I immediately felt guilty.
"Your parents?"
It was as though he'd read my mind but as right as he was, I still couldn't find the words for a proper reply. I just nodded slowly. Cam pulled me close and hugged me.
"Do you want me to go, just meet at the park as we originally planned?" He suggested, referring to our original plan of meeting at Six Flags in the early afternoon. "I was hoping you'd wanna ride there with me, but I understand if you wanna play it cool..."
I ran my tongue across my dry lips, giving serious consideration to my options. I imagined feeling lonely in the tour bus, surrounded by just my brothers and several hours of empty highway. The alternative would be the privacy of Cam's fun little red Mustang. The radio, the open topped car and the bright sunny day that it was made for. My heart screamed one thing, but my anxieties nudged me towards the other. In the end, I decided to be brave.
"I'm coming with you."
And I did. The look that my parents gave me when I emerged from the elevator with Cam already at my side was enough to leave me cold all over. The dozens of questions they wanted to ask were written all over their faces, in their eyes. I could see that there were things that they wanted to say, that they wanted to know but that they were willing to hold off on. I felt the eyes of my brothers as well, and for the first time in awhile I had felt guilty.
They'd been nothing but pleasant towards Cam, and for that, I was thankful. Mom and dad shook his hand and asked if he'd ever been to the theme park before - he had, dozens of times, but was still excited to go again. Dad had even called him an adrenaline junky who might have his hands full with me... I wasn't exactly known to be brave when it came to rides. But I hadn't wanted to let Cam know that - not yet.
"Did you drive here?" Dad asked Cam as we stepped outside through a private back door.
"I did..." Cam replied, sensing that there was something else that my parents were wondering.
"I suppose you want to go back with him, Taylor?" Dad looked towards me.
I grinned. "Yes... please." I remembered to add, feeling pleasantly surprised about how easy things had ended up being.
My parents had agreed, but as we said our goodbyes before heading off, I saw it in their eyes again. I noticed it in the way mom's stare lingered on Cam, her eyes raking him up and down, obviously examining him in a way a protective mother would. I hated the way that I could see a little bit of sadness in her blue-grey eyes, the last thing I had wanted to do was disappoint my parents. I needed to tell them so many things, the main thing I had wanted them to know and hoped that they would understand, that I was still their same son. In the end, I got lucky, I was given a little bit more time to 'hide'. But I'll never forget the feeling in my stomach that morning as I followed Cam towards his car and hoped that I'd made the right choice.
It hadn't taken long to relax in his company, we pulled out onto a stretch of highway and Cam told me to look through the dashboard for a CD I liked. I thumbed through his widely varied collection and decided on a Red Hot Chilli Peppers CD. Cam's eyes moved from the road to the case in my hand and I watched as his smile grew wider.
"Good choice, babe."
I felt myself blush and my fingers began to quiver, making it difficult to load the CD into the player. Cam didn't seem to notice, however, his eyes were fixed on the road and as the sound of the music filled the car, I leaned back in my seat and allowed myself to just relax. Highway in front and behind us, the bus was ahead of us several cars and I felt pretty confident that no one could see us. I felt alone but not lonely, separated from everything that my recent life had been composed of, but surrounded by something else, something wonderful. Cam was like a little piece of home that had come for a visit, he was comfortable and it was a nice relief to just be Taylor and not Taylor Hanson. For awhile, we didn't talk about much, just took in the scenery - not that there was much to see except lots of fields and farms - and listened to the music. Aeroplane had been my favourite track on the album.
Looking in my own eyes
I can't find the love I want
Someone better slap me
Before I start to rust
Before I start to decompose
Looking in my rearview mirror
Looking in my rearview mirror
I can make it disappear
I can make it disappear
Have no fear
I like pleasure spiked with pain
And music is my aeroplane
It's my aeroplane
Songbird sweet and sour Jane
And music is my aeroplane
It's my aeroplane
Pleasure spiked with pain
That mother-fucker's always spiked with pain
We stopped after we'd driven for about an hour, having noticed the bus pull off the road at a rest stop to fuel up. Cam decided to fill his car up as well and I wondered if we were being watched as the bus sat across the lot; presumably waiting for people to use the washroom and visit the little canteen shop. When Cam was finished filling up the car, he asked me if I wanted to come inside with him to pay and get a drink. I agreed, despite feeling a bit hesitant and nervous, unable to resist wondering what my parents thought of the entire thing. I followed Cam inside the shop and we went back to the coolers at the back of the store. I had looked around the store but failed to notice anyone that I recognized. Cam and I picked out a few drinks and then wandered up to the cash to pay, grabbing a package of miniature peanut butter cups on the way. By the time we were heading for the door, I'd felt a little less nervous. And then, of course, Isaac showed up at the door, smiling at me. Just before either of us could say hello, a familiar voice came screaming from behind him.
"Wait up, Ike!" Zac came running.
"Hi Tay" He smiled at me, pushing past all of us and making a bee line for the candy section.
"Enjoying your ride?" Isaac sighed, glancing towards Zac and then to me, looking a little bit envious. "Nice and...peaceful?"
I chuckled. "I am. Are you having fun with the Animal?"
"Animal?" Cam chirped from beside me.
"Zac" Isaac replied. "That's our name for him..."
Cam nodded and then looked over to Zac, who had pulled nearly a dozen different varieties of candy from the shelves and despite already struggling with his arms full, we watched him head to the drink cooler.
"Makes sense." Cam finally concluded.
"Loads of fun." Isaac added. "But hey, if you guys need a little excitement... I'm sure I could give up a couple of hours at Six Flags..."
Cam chuckled. "I don-"
"It's really OK" I cut him off.
Before we could say anything else, Zac himself appeared from around the corner, struggling with his arms full of sugary snacks and drinks. We all just watched as he juggled and stumbled his way into line, finally looking towards us with a clueless expression.
"What are you guys looking at?"
"Nothing!" Isaac and I said at the same time. Cam just grinned.
Before too much longer, we were back in the car. There were still a solid two hours to drive before we'd reach the park in the early afternoon, but the time melted away quite quickly. Lost in a conversation which ranged in topic from Cam's hockey season to stories from my childhood spent at the cottage. I told Cam about the time Zac had painted dad's old truck as a "surprise" and the time that Isaac and I had accidentally broken a window while playing ball on the hills that banked the lake. For awhile, I was able to forget about my life on the road and the band in general. I felt like a "normal" person and momentarily forgot that this day was a rare treat. I wouldn't be able to spend another day on the road with Cam, doing nothing but talking and listening to various CD's. We sang along, completely care free and drank too many sodas, just like normal teenagers would. It was a nice little break, but it was bittersweet as well, knowing that life would return to it's chaotic form, my days would be long and tiring, but I knew as well that it was worth it. In the back of my mind, I also never let myself forget that it would presumably be our last one. It was something to savour, and not to dread, and in truth I didn't hate it a bit, I loved it. I suppose the grass is just always greener on the other side, and with a chance to peak over the fence, I couldn't help my mind from wandering and questioning; "what if?"
When we arrived at the park, we followed the tour bus to a designated spot at the back of the parking lot. Security ushered us all in and I wondered what Cam thought of the drawn out events. I had known that he wasn't used to going through the extra precautions, but visiting the park wasn't nearly as simple for him as it was for us. It was another time that I wondered what things would be like if I was just Taylor, if only for a day. Security guards wouldn't be required to follow us around, a constant shadow behind us. Armed with a ballcap and a pair of sunglasses, I pleaded with my parents the chance to wander alone without the guards, just Cam and I. After a lengthy discussion with park security staff, we deemed it safe to give it a shot; Cam wouldn't be recognized the way Zac and Isaac would be, and with my "disguise", as thinly veiled as it was, I would blend in better with him than my brothers.
After what felt like forever, we were finally ready to just enjoy the day. Cam and I made our way out before the others, and for the first fifteen minutes or so, we just wandered the grounds, checking out the rides and discussing which ones we'd like to try out. My disguise had held up pretty well, no one seemed to notice me, I was able to blend into the crowd but once in awhile, I'd hear people murmuring about "seeing Hanson" and referring to my brothers who were being not-so-slyly escorted around the park. The security escort did have some perks, I noted, while Cam and I stepped into a painfully long line for a wooden roller coaster and knowing that my brothers would be walked to the exits of the rides and be allowed to enter there without waiting for more than a minute or two. Being with Cam, however, was enough to keep me from getting bored while we waited. I let him do most of the talking, for one, I didn't want my voice to be recognized and secondly, I felt unsure of what to talk about, knowing that most subjects were off limits for talking about in a tightly crowded area. I mean, can you imagine the hysteria that would unfold if a random fan realized she was standing next to me? The constant fear of it was enough to keep me from really relaxing throughout the whole of the day, but it was fun none the less.
I hadn't let on that sometimes - okay, most of the time - huge roller coasters kind of scare me, but I suppose Cam noticed my nerves kicking in as the train of the first roller coaster we chose began to ascend the hill. The climb had felt mountainous to me, even though in reality it was far from the scariest ride in the park.
"You ok?" Cam asked and I had to read his lips rather than hear him over the sound of the clacking chain. (I hate that sound.)
"Yeah" I gave him my best "brave" smile.
And he saw through it. But instead of saying anything else, I just noticed the way the corner of his mouth took the shape of a smile and suddenly felt his hand on mine. I wrapped my fingers around his just before the train made it to the top of the hill and squeezed his hand as we plunged down. My heart raced just as quickly as the roller coaster sped along the wooden tracks, rattling wildly as if it would fly loose at any second. Or at least, that's what I was thinking as we took many more hills and drops that I'd been expecting. I was feeling rather relieved by the time we got to the station and though my legs felt wobbly, it was awesome to be back on solid ground. I heard Cam chuckle quietly behind me and then felt his hand on the small of my back.
"Sure you're alright?" He whispered into my ear.
My entire body blushed deep red and I stepped away from him a little bit, feeling paranoid about being caught and a little overwhelmed. I smiled nervously at him. "I'm okay."
Cam's smile faded a little bit and he stepped further back, sensing my apprehension. "Sorry." He mumbled softly.
I felt like a jerk as we made our way down the walkway from the ride and back into the general grounds of the park. Any hurt that Cam had been feeling had seemingly dissipated, the smile had returned to his face and his brown eyes sparkled like a child's as he looked around the park to find our next attraction.
"What do you say, Hanson?"
"How about..." I glanced around, spotting another roller coaster that looked even more... 'exciting' and a couple of flat rides. I didn't want to look like a complete baby, so I pointed towards one of the ground rides with spinning, flipping arms. "That one?"
Cam nodded. "Sure, I like that one."
With some sort of luck, the second ride had been a lot more mild, but the spinning and flipping had left me a little dizzy. As we wandered out, my stomach grumbled and I realized that we hadn't yet had lunch. I decided that I could use a little break from the rides as well.
"Do you wanna grab something to eat?"
"Yeah, definitely." Cam agreed and then lead us towards the food court.
The food court ended up being swarmed with guests, the lines were long and there wasn't an empty table in sight. We each ordered some food and while we were looking around for any spot to sit, Cam seemed to get an idea.
"Alright, follow me. I know where we can go..." He smiled confidently and my heart sped up a little bit - pleased that I'd found myself such a crafty fellow.
Cam had lead us down a walkway and towards a little man-made pond that was surrounded by grassy hills, shaded by droopy willow trees. On one side, people were buying food for the ducks and fish out of dispensers but the other side was reserved as "picnic" area but was pretty deserted. I followed Cam to a shady spot beneath one of the trees and felt rather surprised at the pleasant little area inside of the massive concrete jungle of theme park.
Though the lunch was far from romantic, I appreciated the quiet moments where I didn't feel like I had to constantly watch over my shoulder. We stayed on the grassy knoll for awhile after the food was finished, just enjoying each others company. It seemed like a wise enough idea to let our meals settle before heading back to any rides, but much to my pleasing, we decided to make a stop at the arcade before heading back over to the midway. While Cam was in the washroom, I bought a large quantity of tokens and when he emerged he was surprised but delighted by the large bucket I held towards him. We spent the better part of an hour feeding coins into the slots on various machines. Some of the games were just for fun; we sat in race car seats and battled each other in a Daytona game and we won tickets in redemption games. As usual, we had what seemed like a lot of tickets, until we got to the counter. Instead of cashing the tickets in, Cam suggested that we give our rations to a pair of kids that had shuffled up next to us and were eyeing their options with even less hope than we'd held. I thought that the idea was so sweet that I just watched, a little taken aback, as my boyfriend gave all of our hard earned tickets to a pair of kids we didn't know.
"I'll win you something better." Cam promised, grabbing my hand and giving it a quick squeeze as we left the arcade.
I grinned and looked at him with deep red cheeks. "You don't have to."
"I want to." Cam insisted. And then there was a pause and I noticed that his cheeks grew a darker shade of red and he looked away for a moment before looking back. Nervous. "I want to do something else as well."
My brows knit a little with confusion and I simply stared at him, unsure of what he had in mind, exactly.
Cam looked both ways, we were off of the main path and our view was mostly obstructed by some signs for the arcade. Very quickly, he leaned in and brushed his mouth over mine. My heart stopped for a moment and then raced; out of breath and a little terrified as he pulled away. Had anyone seen? I looked back at Cam and into his brown eyes and saw nothing except adoration and trust. I took a deep breath. It seemed that we'd gotten away with whatever it was I was afraid of. Namely, being caught. I realized though that I'd really already made the decision to be 'out'... he was my boyfriend, after all. I didn't want to feel ashamed or afraid of that, anymore. Our relationship was full of frightening things, but they all felt worth it on days such as this one.