(no subject)
Today has just been one of those days.
I don't have a particular reason but I'm sad. I suppose thinking about the Stephen situation doesn't help but it does kind of break my heart to think that he's settling. I keep feeling that his future can go one of two ways. There's always a third option (or fourth, or fifth) we just don't always see them and that's my problem.
If he marries Hannah, he'll find a bit of happiness, and they'll have kids and be successful, and be loved, and take of the church and stay in Cleveland forever. Not really a bad thing but when I know where his heart lies.....
If he were to marry someone else (I won't say me because as long as she doesn't insist on settling here she'll do, but I know we could be good.) he could travel, evangelize, become a great man of God that has so many opportunities to worship God and reach others. Cleveland does not have those prospects.
I say I would be great because I already know that God wants me to marry someone that will help with my ministry, and I'll help with his. I
m supposed to be an evangelist, a missionary, a mother and wife. That doesn't mean it HAS to be Stephen that I marry. I get that. I just find it coincidental that two people in the same place are meant to leave and do the same thing. It sort of makes sense that they'd leave and do it together.
I won't apologize if you think I'm babbling on about nonsense because this is me. This is what I think and worry about. This is what I believe. I've seen too much evidence of God in my life not to.
If you don't want to hear it, change pages. Move away and don't read. Don't think I'm one of those judgmental sorts though. I think people who yell and condemn are wrong. We're supposed to be Christlike and I really don't remember reading in the Bible that God condemned and snubbed everyone around him simply because they didn't follow the truth. In fact, his own people were mad at him because he ate dinner with sinners.
I've gotten off subject a little but I believe it needed to be said. I feel a little better.
I wonder if, someday, should things work out between us, if I would tell him all these things I thought about. If I'll tell him that I've wanted him for six years but couldn't do anything about it. Maybe. Probably.
Until Next Time,
"It's A Very, Very Mad World"
I don't have a particular reason but I'm sad. I suppose thinking about the Stephen situation doesn't help but it does kind of break my heart to think that he's settling. I keep feeling that his future can go one of two ways. There's always a third option (or fourth, or fifth) we just don't always see them and that's my problem.
If he marries Hannah, he'll find a bit of happiness, and they'll have kids and be successful, and be loved, and take of the church and stay in Cleveland forever. Not really a bad thing but when I know where his heart lies.....
If he were to marry someone else (I won't say me because as long as she doesn't insist on settling here she'll do, but I know we could be good.) he could travel, evangelize, become a great man of God that has so many opportunities to worship God and reach others. Cleveland does not have those prospects.
I say I would be great because I already know that God wants me to marry someone that will help with my ministry, and I'll help with his. I
m supposed to be an evangelist, a missionary, a mother and wife. That doesn't mean it HAS to be Stephen that I marry. I get that. I just find it coincidental that two people in the same place are meant to leave and do the same thing. It sort of makes sense that they'd leave and do it together.
I won't apologize if you think I'm babbling on about nonsense because this is me. This is what I think and worry about. This is what I believe. I've seen too much evidence of God in my life not to.
If you don't want to hear it, change pages. Move away and don't read. Don't think I'm one of those judgmental sorts though. I think people who yell and condemn are wrong. We're supposed to be Christlike and I really don't remember reading in the Bible that God condemned and snubbed everyone around him simply because they didn't follow the truth. In fact, his own people were mad at him because he ate dinner with sinners.
I've gotten off subject a little but I believe it needed to be said. I feel a little better.
I wonder if, someday, should things work out between us, if I would tell him all these things I thought about. If I'll tell him that I've wanted him for six years but couldn't do anything about it. Maybe. Probably.
Until Next Time,
"It's A Very, Very Mad World"