New People
Both Alan and I signed up for OKCupid recently. Mainly I signed up to support Alan in his search for a girlfriend, but I have actually been meeting a lot of interesting people myself. I never considered OKCupid for meeting other like minded poly people. Plus, I wasn't really looking for another romantic relationship; I have a wonderful relationship with Alan and a strange but stable relationship with my secondary of sorts. However, I think I may have found one, and I am kind of excited about it.
As for Alan's success...well, he has not been too lucky. He was very enthusiastic about it at first, talking to three different girls. He had his hopes high for this one girl in particular. She seemed extremely interested and she pushed for them to meet after several wonderful conversations online. Then she bailed on him at the last second without providing any kind of explanation. After a few days of keeping him in limbo, she decided to contact him on AIM. He said he understood and that maybe they could just talk online for a while longer before they met or they could just be friends if she liked, but she said that she was far too busy to even be friends with him. I wanted to kill her. Alan was so hurt and disheartened by the experience. He even took off that he was looking for dating on his OKCupid profile. He said he didn't really need anyone but me. Despite that being sweet and all, I think he is just very hurt by the whole experience. Stupid, callous girl.
See, I don't think my biggest problem with polyamory is going to be jealousy. I have had little trouble with that so far. I think my problem is going to be dealing with the feelings that come up when people hurt my signifiant others. If Alan gets in a relationship and he is mistreated, I am going to want to Dexter-ize the girl. That is probably an issue. I need to accept that my loved ones can take care of themselves and are choosing what they feel is the best choice for them at the time.
As for Alan's success...well, he has not been too lucky. He was very enthusiastic about it at first, talking to three different girls. He had his hopes high for this one girl in particular. She seemed extremely interested and she pushed for them to meet after several wonderful conversations online. Then she bailed on him at the last second without providing any kind of explanation. After a few days of keeping him in limbo, she decided to contact him on AIM. He said he understood and that maybe they could just talk online for a while longer before they met or they could just be friends if she liked, but she said that she was far too busy to even be friends with him. I wanted to kill her. Alan was so hurt and disheartened by the experience. He even took off that he was looking for dating on his OKCupid profile. He said he didn't really need anyone but me. Despite that being sweet and all, I think he is just very hurt by the whole experience. Stupid, callous girl.
See, I don't think my biggest problem with polyamory is going to be jealousy. I have had little trouble with that so far. I think my problem is going to be dealing with the feelings that come up when people hurt my signifiant others. If Alan gets in a relationship and he is mistreated, I am going to want to Dexter-ize the girl. That is probably an issue. I need to accept that my loved ones can take care of themselves and are choosing what they feel is the best choice for them at the time.