(no subject)
Attending the wake and funeral of my Uncle Doug was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, at least that I can remember. Watching my aunt in such intense pain was the hardest. She was sobbing and saying she couldn't make it without him and that her heart was breaking and my heart broke for her. Her two sons were strong. They were there for her. I couldn't imagine being with a man who you loved and supported, who you had children with, who you went through hell together with and still made it out the other side, who loved you more than life itself, who was your soul mate for 55 years and then losing him. It makes me feel like it isn't worth it. I don't want that pain. I don't want to get married. I'm so scared of losing him. I can't do it. I don't want to love anyone that much. It is terrifying.