(no subject)
LIVEJOURNALING IS HARD
I am so bad at this these days. Pretty much since I started grad school and met the Nerdboy life has just... I don't know. Maybe it's easier? I don't have as much drama to write about, but I also think maybe I never had all the drama to begin with, and I made most of it up in my head. It probably also has something to do with being on birth control, because I don't have the hormonal freak outs I used to have, no more bursting into tears at stoplights and laying on the floor under the table weeping into half-melted ice cream. It's not as though every moment of the last three years has been perfect -- there have been prolonged breakouts of anxiety, huge amounts of stress, and quite a few tears -- but it's amazing what having someone to share all that with does for a person. I will say that for the first time in maybe my entire life I am just totally okay with whatever happens, provided I have my husband beside me. And for someone like me, not being utterly terrified of the unknown is so. unbelievably. liberating.
There is also a certain amount of monotony to my every day life -- I go to school, work on my thesis, come home, make dinner, watch TV, browse Reddit, and then go to sleep. What do I write about out of those things? What I had for dinner? What happened on the Office?
It's difficult without a concrete fandom to tie my flist together anymore -- and I so sincerely miss those days of fangirling, but I don't know how to break in anymore. I still love Doctor Who (I finally fell in love with Matt Smith and he is who I think of when I think of the Doctor now), I still have one big Who fic kicking around on my hard drive (Tegan/Five, post-Caves of Androzani, pre-Logopolis). I still love FOTC, and oh my god, I kind of realized just now I never posted the final part of that Video Kid fic I was writing? Not that it would mean anything to anyone anymore. I have been getting crazy excited for the new Zelda title coming out this summer, and replayed Twilight Princess, and kind of read a lot of ridiculous Link/Midna fic? I watched all of Avatar, (ZUKO FOR LIFE), which reminded me of all my old anime days, so I slowly creeped back into anime, and then obsessed full throttle over Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, but without anyone to fangirl with, it all seems so... lonely.
At least the Nerdboy is with me about Doctor Who. Since the new season started we've been discussing the episodes and coming up with theories, so that's fun. I also got him started on Harry Potter back in 2009, and now he's rereading the books before the final movie. (And for our anniversary he got us tickets for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, so OMG.) But he doesn't really do the whole fandom thing, (he is more the type to quietly enjoy and then purchase collectibles) so I don't have anyone anymore to discuss fandom with. And I miss it :(
Anyway, I miss the old days, livejournal, of having the time and inclination to invest in getting to know a fandom, of getting to make new friends and then have amazing in-jokes, of sharing fic and writing a few of my own. But that is way things go I guess. I don't regret the last three years of my life -- far from it, it has been in many ways the most incredible and wonderful time I have ever experienced -- but nostalgia has its way of creeping in around the corners, and fandom is one of those things I really, really miss.
I am so bad at this these days. Pretty much since I started grad school and met the Nerdboy life has just... I don't know. Maybe it's easier? I don't have as much drama to write about, but I also think maybe I never had all the drama to begin with, and I made most of it up in my head. It probably also has something to do with being on birth control, because I don't have the hormonal freak outs I used to have, no more bursting into tears at stoplights and laying on the floor under the table weeping into half-melted ice cream. It's not as though every moment of the last three years has been perfect -- there have been prolonged breakouts of anxiety, huge amounts of stress, and quite a few tears -- but it's amazing what having someone to share all that with does for a person. I will say that for the first time in maybe my entire life I am just totally okay with whatever happens, provided I have my husband beside me. And for someone like me, not being utterly terrified of the unknown is so. unbelievably. liberating.
There is also a certain amount of monotony to my every day life -- I go to school, work on my thesis, come home, make dinner, watch TV, browse Reddit, and then go to sleep. What do I write about out of those things? What I had for dinner? What happened on the Office?
It's difficult without a concrete fandom to tie my flist together anymore -- and I so sincerely miss those days of fangirling, but I don't know how to break in anymore. I still love Doctor Who (I finally fell in love with Matt Smith and he is who I think of when I think of the Doctor now), I still have one big Who fic kicking around on my hard drive (Tegan/Five, post-Caves of Androzani, pre-Logopolis). I still love FOTC, and oh my god, I kind of realized just now I never posted the final part of that Video Kid fic I was writing? Not that it would mean anything to anyone anymore. I have been getting crazy excited for the new Zelda title coming out this summer, and replayed Twilight Princess, and kind of read a lot of ridiculous Link/Midna fic? I watched all of Avatar, (ZUKO FOR LIFE), which reminded me of all my old anime days, so I slowly creeped back into anime, and then obsessed full throttle over Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, but without anyone to fangirl with, it all seems so... lonely.
At least the Nerdboy is with me about Doctor Who. Since the new season started we've been discussing the episodes and coming up with theories, so that's fun. I also got him started on Harry Potter back in 2009, and now he's rereading the books before the final movie. (And for our anniversary he got us tickets for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, so OMG.) But he doesn't really do the whole fandom thing, (he is more the type to quietly enjoy and then purchase collectibles) so I don't have anyone anymore to discuss fandom with. And I miss it :(
Anyway, I miss the old days, livejournal, of having the time and inclination to invest in getting to know a fandom, of getting to make new friends and then have amazing in-jokes, of sharing fic and writing a few of my own. But that is way things go I guess. I don't regret the last three years of my life -- far from it, it has been in many ways the most incredible and wonderful time I have ever experienced -- but nostalgia has its way of creeping in around the corners, and fandom is one of those things I really, really miss.