(no subject)
Well guys Ive decided to update since it doesnt look like Im going to sleep anytime soon! My insomnia has been getting really bad lately I dont know why, nor do I know how to prevent it! Ive been having really weird dreams lately too... when I do sleep. Im walking down a street (I think in my old neighborhood) Im just walking... and then I wake up in a cold sweat! I have no idea what it means, nor how to make the dreams cease!
Jay and I are good... (if one more person says... "aww you guys are soo cute" Im going to bash their head in a wall! Im not kidding.) Its weird but usually I get sick of my boyfriends in the second month.. but not with him. I cant get enough of him!
We are moving to the R section in about 3 months! And Jay Bill and some other guy is renting this from us. So I hope all things go smooth! Im always reminding Jay, "Save some money for your move!" Its getting old! but oh well!
Im getting my permit in the spring! yippy! I cant get it now cause my mom said I have to study the book first and know everything about driving before I can take the test!
A few months ago I got sick and now jays sick... and Im getting sick again! this sucks! But I think mines going away, but his is hanging on with its icky life! lol I feel so bad for him cause I dont want him to be sick its not Kosher!
He hasnt gotten me my B-day present yet but Im waiting cause I want this ring that has both his and I's birthstone in it! Its really pretty! Did I mention that loser got me obsessed with Mountain Dew... I drink it everyday... and if I dont, I get pissy! lol Im weird!
I went to Bells today and I got a pair of pink Converse a new pair of Jeans and this really cute button down shirt!
I need to get a damn job so badly! I dont like being home anymore... its not that my parents yell at me... it that they're never home, and I hate being alone! I sleep all day cause #1 my insomnia and #2 no ones there to keep me company! I miss my mommy most of all... shes always working! Oh she got a new job! She is a construction manager for Holiday Homes... its a pretty kool job from what I hear... she gets to make sure that the houses are built correctly, and yell at ppl if its not! KOOL huh?! She makes good money at it too from what I hear, we are doing good in the finance department now... at least its better than before, and shes not taking the fact that we dont have any money out on me anymore.
My sister moved back in! Colleen; but shes never home anyways so it doesnt make a difference. Shes always out with one of her boyfriends... shes got two btw! Its so weird, I like them both but ones nicer than the other, and one is ready to settle down, and Colleen isnt ready for that yet. The other one is ok, but he smokes weed 24/7! Hes nice, and funny too but idk hes not good for her!
Draven is about to be 5 its so weird cause he would be starting preK next year but my sister is home schooling him! Oh btw, me and Draven get along now... hes a pretty kick ass kid! He just needs to learn a thing or two about soccer! And I can teach him no problem!
Tina and I are ok, I guess... shes gonna help me with the GED thing. She stopped for awhile cause I got mad at her and the huge fight thingy! But shes a pretty kool sister if you talk to her and dont give her any attitude! lol!
Me and my Daddy are growing further apart, I think its cause of the sex gap. Hes a guy and Im a girl, and hes old fashion too. Its scary cause the other day we were having a convo on his father, and he told me that his dad would get drunk and beat up my Grandma him and his brother and sister! Then he would leave for days at a time without calling or anything! It kinda makes you think that the connection I have with my Daddy isnt so bad! I love my Daddy but sometimes he scares me, with things he says and does. But I think that when Im older I will understand why he did it. I know I will.
I dont hangout with Cass as much as I use to. Emmy still has a problem with me, Alex and I are ok now. Adrianna and I are getting really close. Danny and I never speak, I still have her X-mas present at my house. Michelle and I havent said a word to each other since my birthday. Kaitlin and I are kool. Megan and I are best friends again. Nichole and I never talk, unless it has something to do with nothing at all! lol. Petty never IMs me or Emails me anymore. Brittany M. she IMs me but never calls or anything.
I talk to Stephanie(MD friend) everyday for about an hour on the phone! KK (MD friend again) and I never speak. Jen(MD friend) moved to Texas and Im most likely never going to see or hear from her again, every time I think about it I cry! Chris... well lets just say hes forgotten, and to tell you the truth, Im starting too also. Dave and I only talk online for about 5 minutes each time. Andy, dont know where he is or what hes doing now-a-days.
The other day I tried to go to the old website that we made(Candlegirls) and it was deleted, I cried for two hours after I found that out. Every things changing so quickly and I cant keep up with the changes! The earth is moving beneath me and Im still in the same spot, in the same state of mind I had before... Ive lost and gained some things in the time Ive spent breathing. I need to notice that life changes and I need to do the same. I cry myself to sleep now. My paranoia is coming back... ten times worse. Im scared to be alone now... cause I start to feel something in my gut saying "every ones left you". Which I know isnt true but it scares me to death!
If life was like it had been before I made those mistakes I wouldnt be here, were I am now. I do love my life, and who Ive grow into as a human being, but there are just some things I would have liked to keep with me, but I guess I left that all behind when I moved, and left school. Im not scared of failing in life... Im afraid of making all my aspirations come true, and that Im going to leave everyone behind.
I cant let go... I hate that about me... I just cant say goodbye... to anything. I still have my damn teddy bear from the day I was born for crying out loud! and Im 15 years old! I still have my doll that looks just like me, from the Magic Attic collections! I still have that damn soda bottle that I found in the woods by KKs house from the 3rd grade, and it even still has pepsi instead of cola in it! I still have Jays Mountain Dew bottle from 3 weeks ago on top on my computer desk! I need to let go... I just have to... but I'll cry while Im doing it!
Jay and I are good... (if one more person says... "aww you guys are soo cute" Im going to bash their head in a wall! Im not kidding.) Its weird but usually I get sick of my boyfriends in the second month.. but not with him. I cant get enough of him!
We are moving to the R section in about 3 months! And Jay Bill and some other guy is renting this from us. So I hope all things go smooth! Im always reminding Jay, "Save some money for your move!" Its getting old! but oh well!
Im getting my permit in the spring! yippy! I cant get it now cause my mom said I have to study the book first and know everything about driving before I can take the test!
A few months ago I got sick and now jays sick... and Im getting sick again! this sucks! But I think mines going away, but his is hanging on with its icky life! lol I feel so bad for him cause I dont want him to be sick its not Kosher!
He hasnt gotten me my B-day present yet but Im waiting cause I want this ring that has both his and I's birthstone in it! Its really pretty! Did I mention that loser got me obsessed with Mountain Dew... I drink it everyday... and if I dont, I get pissy! lol Im weird!
I went to Bells today and I got a pair of pink Converse a new pair of Jeans and this really cute button down shirt!
I need to get a damn job so badly! I dont like being home anymore... its not that my parents yell at me... it that they're never home, and I hate being alone! I sleep all day cause #1 my insomnia and #2 no ones there to keep me company! I miss my mommy most of all... shes always working! Oh she got a new job! She is a construction manager for Holiday Homes... its a pretty kool job from what I hear... she gets to make sure that the houses are built correctly, and yell at ppl if its not! KOOL huh?! She makes good money at it too from what I hear, we are doing good in the finance department now... at least its better than before, and shes not taking the fact that we dont have any money out on me anymore.
My sister moved back in! Colleen; but shes never home anyways so it doesnt make a difference. Shes always out with one of her boyfriends... shes got two btw! Its so weird, I like them both but ones nicer than the other, and one is ready to settle down, and Colleen isnt ready for that yet. The other one is ok, but he smokes weed 24/7! Hes nice, and funny too but idk hes not good for her!
Draven is about to be 5 its so weird cause he would be starting preK next year but my sister is home schooling him! Oh btw, me and Draven get along now... hes a pretty kick ass kid! He just needs to learn a thing or two about soccer! And I can teach him no problem!
Tina and I are ok, I guess... shes gonna help me with the GED thing. She stopped for awhile cause I got mad at her and the huge fight thingy! But shes a pretty kool sister if you talk to her and dont give her any attitude! lol!
Me and my Daddy are growing further apart, I think its cause of the sex gap. Hes a guy and Im a girl, and hes old fashion too. Its scary cause the other day we were having a convo on his father, and he told me that his dad would get drunk and beat up my Grandma him and his brother and sister! Then he would leave for days at a time without calling or anything! It kinda makes you think that the connection I have with my Daddy isnt so bad! I love my Daddy but sometimes he scares me, with things he says and does. But I think that when Im older I will understand why he did it. I know I will.
I dont hangout with Cass as much as I use to. Emmy still has a problem with me, Alex and I are ok now. Adrianna and I are getting really close. Danny and I never speak, I still have her X-mas present at my house. Michelle and I havent said a word to each other since my birthday. Kaitlin and I are kool. Megan and I are best friends again. Nichole and I never talk, unless it has something to do with nothing at all! lol. Petty never IMs me or Emails me anymore. Brittany M. she IMs me but never calls or anything.
I talk to Stephanie(MD friend) everyday for about an hour on the phone! KK (MD friend again) and I never speak. Jen(MD friend) moved to Texas and Im most likely never going to see or hear from her again, every time I think about it I cry! Chris... well lets just say hes forgotten, and to tell you the truth, Im starting too also. Dave and I only talk online for about 5 minutes each time. Andy, dont know where he is or what hes doing now-a-days.
The other day I tried to go to the old website that we made(Candlegirls) and it was deleted, I cried for two hours after I found that out. Every things changing so quickly and I cant keep up with the changes! The earth is moving beneath me and Im still in the same spot, in the same state of mind I had before... Ive lost and gained some things in the time Ive spent breathing. I need to notice that life changes and I need to do the same. I cry myself to sleep now. My paranoia is coming back... ten times worse. Im scared to be alone now... cause I start to feel something in my gut saying "every ones left you". Which I know isnt true but it scares me to death!
If life was like it had been before I made those mistakes I wouldnt be here, were I am now. I do love my life, and who Ive grow into as a human being, but there are just some things I would have liked to keep with me, but I guess I left that all behind when I moved, and left school. Im not scared of failing in life... Im afraid of making all my aspirations come true, and that Im going to leave everyone behind.
I cant let go... I hate that about me... I just cant say goodbye... to anything. I still have my damn teddy bear from the day I was born for crying out loud! and Im 15 years old! I still have my doll that looks just like me, from the Magic Attic collections! I still have that damn soda bottle that I found in the woods by KKs house from the 3rd grade, and it even still has pepsi instead of cola in it! I still have Jays Mountain Dew bottle from 3 weeks ago on top on my computer desk! I need to let go... I just have to... but I'll cry while Im doing it!