A Birthing Story.
Note: I'm not spell checking. Things will probably be spelled wrong in this entry. It also talks a lot about 'girly things' so don't read if this sort of thing makes you uneasy. It's also very long, but try to remember this is more for me than for anyone else. And it's very easily the best story of my life..
Wednesday March 30, 2011
After days of my blood pressure steadily rising, this is where we had the 'game changer' as I would later refer to many things in the coming days. Every morning, my bp was checked around 5:30am. On this morning, it ended up being 180-something/90-something. They gave me my labetalol (bp medicine early) to see if they could get it to come down. I was checked again at 6:30am and nothing had changed. I knew what this meant before they sent in my favorite nurse, Missy, to give me the bad news: They were sending me over to Labor and Delivery. I woke George up and we threw our things that had been aquired over my 3 1/2 weeks stay into random places and bags. By 7am, I was in my L&D Room. Missy took me over and helped calm my nerves. Reassuring me I had done nothing wrong and this was just the way Pre E works. It eventually takes it's toll and it can happen really fast and out of nowhere, which mine did. I had done so well for so long that the Doctors were even considering other possibilities such as an underlying kidney disease (aka: Making me worry about that for NOTHING.) But the time was quickly approaching. Missy then passed me off the my new L&D nurse: Bob. I was immediately freaked out at the thought of this older man being my nurse through this. Missy came back in to soothe my fears, explaining that she knew me well enough to know I'd be apprehensive (she was right!) and also explaining that Bob was the best there was when it came to nurses. Because she had eased my fears literally the night before about all things C-Section, I trusted her. She wished me well and then it was me, George, and Bob. Bob informed me I'd have to get another cathetor and be put back on the Magnesium Sulfate (Which is what I was put on when I first arrived at University. It's a BP medicine to help prevent seizures.) I knew this would suck. When they get you started on the Mag, they have to give a 'bolis' or basically a boost of it. It takes about 30 minutes and makes you feel like your insides are made of lava and it's the most miserable thing on the planet. I would say, looking back, this was far more miserable than labor (For me, anyway..) The best way to describe this feeling, is that I felt like I was going insane. Every inch of me was on fire. I screamed at poor Bob to get me a fan and at George to get me a cold wash cloth. Bob sent for a fan and what took maybe 10 minutes for someone to find one seemed like an hour! When the two nurses came in with the fan (One male, mind you..) I just started stripping. I demanded the fan be put on full blast as I was yanking at my veru ugly hospital gown to pull it off of myself. George tried to stop me from showing the world my nakedness and I just screamed that I didn't care, the whole world could come in! It's all very hazy to me lol After the boost was over, and after a short cat nap to re-group and collect myself, it became a waiting game. They wanted a 24 hour urine sample from me to gage how my protein was doing and just wanted to monitor me for the day/night to see if there was any chance of stopping this delivery. During this time however, the L&D Doctor approached me about doing a vaginal delivery. Up to this point, every Doctor, Nurse, and PCA had told me repeatedly that I would be having a C-Section due to my blood pressure issues. She explained that they would closely monitor me but they wanted to try vaginal first since it would be better for me and for the baby, as far as long term went. It made me nervous because I had all but forgotten about my fears regarding a vaginal birth. I had come to terms with the fact that I would have to have a C-Section and spent my time there preparing myself for that scenario. So there it was, game changer. As the night went on and more nurses (Bob, especially) told me about how much better it was to try for vaginal, it made me more comfortable. However, my bp stayed really calm all night so they decided no other descion would be made until at least the morning after my 24 hour urine results came back. I was starting to think they jumped the gun a bit and that I'd be headed back to my room the next day. What else did I have to go on?
Thursday March 31, 2011
My 24 hour urine was sent to the lab around 6:30am and wouldn't be back for a few hours. They turned off my Mag because my bp was somewhat stable. They did decide they wanted an ultra sound so early on, I went to have that done. Getting out of bed and into the wheel chair after the Mag was really hard. It's to help with the BP but it's also an intense muscle relaxer! My legs felt like 80lb weights again and that feeling is NOT fun. When we went for the ultra sound, I still thought everything would be fine. But while we were getting it, the tech was telling me how there was not a lot of fluid either in the cord or around the baby. It wasn't dangerously low--But it wasn't a normal amount like it had always been before. Here we were again, GAME CHANGER. And I really knew it at this moment in that ultra sound room. I would delivery this baby way too early and it terrified me. George was with me the whole time and I think he knew it too. We were pretty somber when we went back to the room. It wasn't long after that, when the Doctor came in with the ultra sound results and my 24 hour urine results. We knew about the ultra sound and she explained that my protein out put was now at 14 grams (It had been 5 when I was admitted), which is extremely high. She explained that they were 98% sure the baby would be born that day. They still wanted to try for vaginal first so they would need to induce me, to try and get my body to start the process. First, I had to be put back on the Mag (AND another BOLIS!) which took a little while. Then, at 3:40pm, they inserted the first pill into my cervix to get it to open up on it's own. The pill was placed, phone calls were made, and we were officially starting the 'inducing process.' At this point, there aren't words. I'm terrified, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm a million things all at once and so many of them were conflicting. Excited to meet my son, worried because I've never had anything major happen to my body, terrified because it was just too soon. However, we were back to another waiting game. It would be four hours until they would check me again to see if any progress had been made. Fast forward to 7:45pm: Dialted 1cm. So the medicine was working. At this point, I hadn't felt anything bad. They decided to go with another pill to be inserted and warned me that this could cause some cramping. And it did, but nothing major. I was still able to interact with friends and family that came by to see us. Of which, I was truly glad to have the distraction. I really appreciate all the company who cared enough to come. It helped keep my BP down! I even watched the singing episode of Grey's Anatomy and stomached watching Calli give birth to a PREEMIE baby. Ugh, bad timing Grey's. But it was made easier by my nurse who just kept saying 'That would never happen.' at almost every scene, which just made me laugh. Seriously lady, I wasn't watching for a glimpse of reality, I had enough of my own!
At 11:45, they checked me again. Dialted 1.5cm but the cervix was starting to soften up. Instead of rushing anything, they decided for another pill insert and see where that took us. However, it didn't take us very far. At my 3:45 check, not much else had changed. This is when they decided to break my water and insert basically a balloon into my cervix, which acts as the baby's head pushing through. They explained that this could be pretty painful and thought it best to be given Finnigrin or an Epidural. I wanted to see how much I could handle on my own, since I had gotten so accustomed to my C-Section idea. I opted for the Finnigrin. It was given to me through my IV, so it took no time at all for it to hit me. I remember the nurse saying it would make me drowsy. I remember George saying not to fight it and to close my eyes. I did. And then this is when things go fuzzy. Sometime soon after this, is when that balloon procedure was done. I don't remember it. I have a flash of being laid back with the Doctor over me, probably getting ready to start. At this point, George was on my left, nurse and Doctor on my right, all lights bright and on. The next thing I remember is waking up, lights off, George asleep, and no-one else in my room. And in a TON of pain. Hello, first contraction I felt. I was still in an out of conciousness between each one. I remember the pain, but nothing else. George filled me in that I wanted him to hold my hand. This is where my husband proves that he is the most amazimg man in the world. For the next four hours or so, I was in and out, awake/asleep, and completely out of it. Because during this time I needed my hand held, whether I was with it or not, he sat on a rolling stool next to bed and held my hand. Let me squeeze it when I was in pain and delt with my insanity as I begged a lab tech not to draw blood from me, continually asked my nurse at every BP check if it was a 'game changer' (made NO sense at that point!) and took it all in stride with NO sleep. There are not words for how much I love him. That kind of love and devotion is hard to find and I'm so lucky that I found such an amazing man!!!
April 1, 2011
Around 8am, I was begging for that Epidural. No more waiting, I had had enough! This is when I start remembering things again. I think the fear of having the epidural done woke me up out of my Finnigrin haze. However, over all, not a big deal. I didn't look at the needle and didn't feel it. It's exactly what they say: A lot of pressure but that's it. It was cold too but I was pretty happy to have it! I did notice that I felt more numb on my left side than my right, but still didn't feel the contractions like I was. I was checked right after this and I was at 5cm, the balloon had done it's job and came out. At this point, they started 'active labor' and I was given a small dose of pitocin to help move things along. This is when George and I could attempt at some real rest. We called to update our families and tried for some sleep. It would be a few more hours before anything else would be happening. It was still pretty shotty rest because I still had to be checked for my blood pressure every hour. At 11:40 the Doctor came to check me again. Still at 5cm, 80% efaced. She told me we would up my pitocin a bit but that a C-Section was looking more likely in my future since this way wasn't moving along the way they wanted. They didn't want to push my body any more than they had to. A new wave of stress came on. She warned me to get some rest, it could be a long day. I woke George up and told him everything and told him he should get something to eat since we were in for a long day and he would need energy. He left to go get something from the cafeteria.
And here's where it gets all Grey's Anatomy on us.
About ten minutes later, as I was trying to sleep, I felt a cramp on my left side. As I said before, I had felt NOTHING on my left side at all since the epidural was placed. I had felt a few small cramps on my right side, for which I had hit my little button to give me a tiny boost for the epidural. I began to think that maybe the original dose was wearing off, but it wasn't too bad so I just tried to fall back asleep. About 2 minutes after that, I felt it again and it was much sharper this time, like a small contraction. It was followed by the sensation that I had to use the restroom, aka a LOT of pressure. I hit my nurse button and waited for it to pass. She came back in and was non chalant as I explained what I felt and said, 'Oh, you were just checked 20 minutes or so ago, but I'll check and see." I moved to the position so she could check. Her eyes popped wide open and her voice raised, 'Oh okay, that's the baby's head! Do NOT push!' My mouth dropped open. All I could say was, 'Are you serious?? Are you serious?? My husband just went to get LUNCH!' She called the Doctor and then a slew of people entered my room. There was a team for me and a team for the baby. People were rushing around like something out of a movie and my head was starting to spin. The nurse called George for me and had him come back up stairs. Before he came back in, another nurse saw my worried face and said to me, 'It's okay, we have everyone we needs now.' trying to reassure me. I just looked back at her and said, 'Okay, but I DON'T! My husband isn't back yet!' During this time of crazy, it was noticed that I had been in a regular stay bed, not a L&D bed. The difference is that with an L&D bed, they break apart when it comes time for delivery. I didn't have this option, there was no time to move me. As it was, I had to 'not push' for 3 more times until everyone, including George, was in place. Once everyone was there and George was by my side, I could let it happen. I wouldn't even call what I did 'pushing'.. I took a deep breath and held it. I let air out when they told me to go slower and held it again when they said go faster. He was out in a matter of minutes, with very little effort on my part.
George Lawrence Davidson VIII was born at 12:08pm on Friday April 1, 2011. My April Fools Day baby. He whimpered when he came out, but not a cry. They told me it would be like that because his lungs were underdeveloped, so I was prepared. They let me see him as he came out but then he was whisked away to the other side of the room to be helped. George was able to cut the cord, which was more difficult than normal thanks to my Pre E. My eyes flashed to George and then to the other side of the room and remained fixated there. I couldn't see him. I was told I wouldn't see him. I just watched the backs of 5 or 6 people buzz around him, trying to find a glimpse of him. George remained by my side until I assured him I was fine and sent him over to the other side of the room to check on the baby. He glanced but couldn't get close enough to see either and came back to me. A variety of female voices buzzed around me, telling me how great I had done and how I wouldn't need stitches and generally reflecting on the last intense couple of minutes. I wasn't paying attention until I heard the doctor say something about the placenta coming out. Since the placenta was the root of my Pre E and causing all my problems, I glanced down to see it. BIG mistake. Big. HUGE. So freaking gross! I turned my head away and the doctor apologized but I just sort of laughed and said it wasn't her fault, I thought I wanted to see. My attention was again focused toward the baby. I asked out loud how he was doing, a nurse told me again that I wouldn't be able to hear him cry. I explained that I knew that but I just wanted to know how he was. At this moment, before anyone else could answer, this tiny cry came from the other side of the room. All heads turned toward him because it just shouldn't have been able to happen. But I knew it was God's way of answering my question and sending it through Lil Bubba. I relaxed, George relaxed, and that's the first time I cried. It had all been so crazy and I could barely absorb what had just happened. It was so fast, there wasn't enough time to be emotionally charged, I was in shock for most of it. And in that one moment it hit me--He was here. My son was here. We did on our own terms as much as we could and both pulled through it. I had a family. I had a perfect little being across the room from me who I had made out of complete and true love with my soul mate. There aren't words to describe it, really. I'm sure a lot of people know what I'm talking about :) Before they took him to the NICU, they let us take one picture of him and one family photo. Our camera was lost in the craziness (Found right after they took him away, of course) so thank God for our cell phones! I held him for that brief picture moment and posed for our first family photo lookin' like a hot mess ;)
I didn't see him again until midnight that night. 12 hours later. A lot of other people saw him before I did. But I still had the Mag and couldn't move. I needed time for the epidural to wear off and to see how my BP and blood sugar levels were doing. It's funny because the diabetes was gone immediately! So funny how fast that went away! Literally, a couple hours after delivery, they checked and the levels were normal. They even let me have dinner that night and Pasquales never tasted so good! ;) I was still just anxious to see him again. I got updates all day and pictures from everyone who got to see him. He started out great, needing only a Cpap machine. But as the day wore on, the 'honey moon' period ran out and he ended up needing more and more help where his lungs were concerned. By the time I saw him, he was on ocilator (sp?) which was pumping air into his lungs to make them open and it looked like somehting was shaking him to death from the inside. George assured me when he saw my face that this was helpful even though it looked so rough on him. He had a little IV attached to him and he was so so SO tiny. But for the time being, he was pretty stable. I was able to be wheeled to my new room and sent to sleep and rest. What a day it had been. A crazy delivery. 10 weeks too early. April Fool's Day?? And yet he was the single most amazing thing I had ever seen.
I could go on about the new few days and his ups and downs, but I won't. Although I'll never forget them, especially the night that he really scared us, they don't matter right now. RIGHT NOW, my son has made is way back to a bubble cpap and is doing GREAT! He is breathing at 21% oxygen (Which is room air, what we breathe) and doing it at 100%. He has gone from eating 2ml for each feeding to 13ml in just two days. They are considering removing him from the cpap as early as tomorrow and onto another and better oxygen mask since he's doing so well. Once he reaches 20ml per serving, he won't need his tube and can attempt a bottle/breast feeding. Tonight, George and I held him in our arms for the first time. It was only for 10 minutes each but so worth it. George sang to him and had a truly calming affect on him. He spit up on me ;) Point is, every day he amazes us. I know there will still be ups and downs and that's just how things are for a preemie. But I'm so truly blessed. A man who loves me more than anyone else ever has and a son who is stronger than I'll ever be at only one week old. These two Georges are my whole world and nothing else matters. Not stupid family or friend drama, only them. I can not wait until we are able to be at home, all together, and this time in our lives will be nothing but a memory. Until then, we wake up every day with support from the people who matter and support from each other and take that day for the gift it is. It's one day at a time!
Thank you to everyone who came to visit, texted, and called us during this time. We really appreciated all of the support, prayers, kind words and thoughts you've sent our way!
Wednesday March 30, 2011
After days of my blood pressure steadily rising, this is where we had the 'game changer' as I would later refer to many things in the coming days. Every morning, my bp was checked around 5:30am. On this morning, it ended up being 180-something/90-something. They gave me my labetalol (bp medicine early) to see if they could get it to come down. I was checked again at 6:30am and nothing had changed. I knew what this meant before they sent in my favorite nurse, Missy, to give me the bad news: They were sending me over to Labor and Delivery. I woke George up and we threw our things that had been aquired over my 3 1/2 weeks stay into random places and bags. By 7am, I was in my L&D Room. Missy took me over and helped calm my nerves. Reassuring me I had done nothing wrong and this was just the way Pre E works. It eventually takes it's toll and it can happen really fast and out of nowhere, which mine did. I had done so well for so long that the Doctors were even considering other possibilities such as an underlying kidney disease (aka: Making me worry about that for NOTHING.) But the time was quickly approaching. Missy then passed me off the my new L&D nurse: Bob. I was immediately freaked out at the thought of this older man being my nurse through this. Missy came back in to soothe my fears, explaining that she knew me well enough to know I'd be apprehensive (she was right!) and also explaining that Bob was the best there was when it came to nurses. Because she had eased my fears literally the night before about all things C-Section, I trusted her. She wished me well and then it was me, George, and Bob. Bob informed me I'd have to get another cathetor and be put back on the Magnesium Sulfate (Which is what I was put on when I first arrived at University. It's a BP medicine to help prevent seizures.) I knew this would suck. When they get you started on the Mag, they have to give a 'bolis' or basically a boost of it. It takes about 30 minutes and makes you feel like your insides are made of lava and it's the most miserable thing on the planet. I would say, looking back, this was far more miserable than labor (For me, anyway..) The best way to describe this feeling, is that I felt like I was going insane. Every inch of me was on fire. I screamed at poor Bob to get me a fan and at George to get me a cold wash cloth. Bob sent for a fan and what took maybe 10 minutes for someone to find one seemed like an hour! When the two nurses came in with the fan (One male, mind you..) I just started stripping. I demanded the fan be put on full blast as I was yanking at my veru ugly hospital gown to pull it off of myself. George tried to stop me from showing the world my nakedness and I just screamed that I didn't care, the whole world could come in! It's all very hazy to me lol After the boost was over, and after a short cat nap to re-group and collect myself, it became a waiting game. They wanted a 24 hour urine sample from me to gage how my protein was doing and just wanted to monitor me for the day/night to see if there was any chance of stopping this delivery. During this time however, the L&D Doctor approached me about doing a vaginal delivery. Up to this point, every Doctor, Nurse, and PCA had told me repeatedly that I would be having a C-Section due to my blood pressure issues. She explained that they would closely monitor me but they wanted to try vaginal first since it would be better for me and for the baby, as far as long term went. It made me nervous because I had all but forgotten about my fears regarding a vaginal birth. I had come to terms with the fact that I would have to have a C-Section and spent my time there preparing myself for that scenario. So there it was, game changer. As the night went on and more nurses (Bob, especially) told me about how much better it was to try for vaginal, it made me more comfortable. However, my bp stayed really calm all night so they decided no other descion would be made until at least the morning after my 24 hour urine results came back. I was starting to think they jumped the gun a bit and that I'd be headed back to my room the next day. What else did I have to go on?
Thursday March 31, 2011
My 24 hour urine was sent to the lab around 6:30am and wouldn't be back for a few hours. They turned off my Mag because my bp was somewhat stable. They did decide they wanted an ultra sound so early on, I went to have that done. Getting out of bed and into the wheel chair after the Mag was really hard. It's to help with the BP but it's also an intense muscle relaxer! My legs felt like 80lb weights again and that feeling is NOT fun. When we went for the ultra sound, I still thought everything would be fine. But while we were getting it, the tech was telling me how there was not a lot of fluid either in the cord or around the baby. It wasn't dangerously low--But it wasn't a normal amount like it had always been before. Here we were again, GAME CHANGER. And I really knew it at this moment in that ultra sound room. I would delivery this baby way too early and it terrified me. George was with me the whole time and I think he knew it too. We were pretty somber when we went back to the room. It wasn't long after that, when the Doctor came in with the ultra sound results and my 24 hour urine results. We knew about the ultra sound and she explained that my protein out put was now at 14 grams (It had been 5 when I was admitted), which is extremely high. She explained that they were 98% sure the baby would be born that day. They still wanted to try for vaginal first so they would need to induce me, to try and get my body to start the process. First, I had to be put back on the Mag (AND another BOLIS!) which took a little while. Then, at 3:40pm, they inserted the first pill into my cervix to get it to open up on it's own. The pill was placed, phone calls were made, and we were officially starting the 'inducing process.' At this point, there aren't words. I'm terrified, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm a million things all at once and so many of them were conflicting. Excited to meet my son, worried because I've never had anything major happen to my body, terrified because it was just too soon. However, we were back to another waiting game. It would be four hours until they would check me again to see if any progress had been made. Fast forward to 7:45pm: Dialted 1cm. So the medicine was working. At this point, I hadn't felt anything bad. They decided to go with another pill to be inserted and warned me that this could cause some cramping. And it did, but nothing major. I was still able to interact with friends and family that came by to see us. Of which, I was truly glad to have the distraction. I really appreciate all the company who cared enough to come. It helped keep my BP down! I even watched the singing episode of Grey's Anatomy and stomached watching Calli give birth to a PREEMIE baby. Ugh, bad timing Grey's. But it was made easier by my nurse who just kept saying 'That would never happen.' at almost every scene, which just made me laugh. Seriously lady, I wasn't watching for a glimpse of reality, I had enough of my own!
At 11:45, they checked me again. Dialted 1.5cm but the cervix was starting to soften up. Instead of rushing anything, they decided for another pill insert and see where that took us. However, it didn't take us very far. At my 3:45 check, not much else had changed. This is when they decided to break my water and insert basically a balloon into my cervix, which acts as the baby's head pushing through. They explained that this could be pretty painful and thought it best to be given Finnigrin or an Epidural. I wanted to see how much I could handle on my own, since I had gotten so accustomed to my C-Section idea. I opted for the Finnigrin. It was given to me through my IV, so it took no time at all for it to hit me. I remember the nurse saying it would make me drowsy. I remember George saying not to fight it and to close my eyes. I did. And then this is when things go fuzzy. Sometime soon after this, is when that balloon procedure was done. I don't remember it. I have a flash of being laid back with the Doctor over me, probably getting ready to start. At this point, George was on my left, nurse and Doctor on my right, all lights bright and on. The next thing I remember is waking up, lights off, George asleep, and no-one else in my room. And in a TON of pain. Hello, first contraction I felt. I was still in an out of conciousness between each one. I remember the pain, but nothing else. George filled me in that I wanted him to hold my hand. This is where my husband proves that he is the most amazimg man in the world. For the next four hours or so, I was in and out, awake/asleep, and completely out of it. Because during this time I needed my hand held, whether I was with it or not, he sat on a rolling stool next to bed and held my hand. Let me squeeze it when I was in pain and delt with my insanity as I begged a lab tech not to draw blood from me, continually asked my nurse at every BP check if it was a 'game changer' (made NO sense at that point!) and took it all in stride with NO sleep. There are not words for how much I love him. That kind of love and devotion is hard to find and I'm so lucky that I found such an amazing man!!!
April 1, 2011
Around 8am, I was begging for that Epidural. No more waiting, I had had enough! This is when I start remembering things again. I think the fear of having the epidural done woke me up out of my Finnigrin haze. However, over all, not a big deal. I didn't look at the needle and didn't feel it. It's exactly what they say: A lot of pressure but that's it. It was cold too but I was pretty happy to have it! I did notice that I felt more numb on my left side than my right, but still didn't feel the contractions like I was. I was checked right after this and I was at 5cm, the balloon had done it's job and came out. At this point, they started 'active labor' and I was given a small dose of pitocin to help move things along. This is when George and I could attempt at some real rest. We called to update our families and tried for some sleep. It would be a few more hours before anything else would be happening. It was still pretty shotty rest because I still had to be checked for my blood pressure every hour. At 11:40 the Doctor came to check me again. Still at 5cm, 80% efaced. She told me we would up my pitocin a bit but that a C-Section was looking more likely in my future since this way wasn't moving along the way they wanted. They didn't want to push my body any more than they had to. A new wave of stress came on. She warned me to get some rest, it could be a long day. I woke George up and told him everything and told him he should get something to eat since we were in for a long day and he would need energy. He left to go get something from the cafeteria.
And here's where it gets all Grey's Anatomy on us.
About ten minutes later, as I was trying to sleep, I felt a cramp on my left side. As I said before, I had felt NOTHING on my left side at all since the epidural was placed. I had felt a few small cramps on my right side, for which I had hit my little button to give me a tiny boost for the epidural. I began to think that maybe the original dose was wearing off, but it wasn't too bad so I just tried to fall back asleep. About 2 minutes after that, I felt it again and it was much sharper this time, like a small contraction. It was followed by the sensation that I had to use the restroom, aka a LOT of pressure. I hit my nurse button and waited for it to pass. She came back in and was non chalant as I explained what I felt and said, 'Oh, you were just checked 20 minutes or so ago, but I'll check and see." I moved to the position so she could check. Her eyes popped wide open and her voice raised, 'Oh okay, that's the baby's head! Do NOT push!' My mouth dropped open. All I could say was, 'Are you serious?? Are you serious?? My husband just went to get LUNCH!' She called the Doctor and then a slew of people entered my room. There was a team for me and a team for the baby. People were rushing around like something out of a movie and my head was starting to spin. The nurse called George for me and had him come back up stairs. Before he came back in, another nurse saw my worried face and said to me, 'It's okay, we have everyone we needs now.' trying to reassure me. I just looked back at her and said, 'Okay, but I DON'T! My husband isn't back yet!' During this time of crazy, it was noticed that I had been in a regular stay bed, not a L&D bed. The difference is that with an L&D bed, they break apart when it comes time for delivery. I didn't have this option, there was no time to move me. As it was, I had to 'not push' for 3 more times until everyone, including George, was in place. Once everyone was there and George was by my side, I could let it happen. I wouldn't even call what I did 'pushing'.. I took a deep breath and held it. I let air out when they told me to go slower and held it again when they said go faster. He was out in a matter of minutes, with very little effort on my part.
George Lawrence Davidson VIII was born at 12:08pm on Friday April 1, 2011. My April Fools Day baby. He whimpered when he came out, but not a cry. They told me it would be like that because his lungs were underdeveloped, so I was prepared. They let me see him as he came out but then he was whisked away to the other side of the room to be helped. George was able to cut the cord, which was more difficult than normal thanks to my Pre E. My eyes flashed to George and then to the other side of the room and remained fixated there. I couldn't see him. I was told I wouldn't see him. I just watched the backs of 5 or 6 people buzz around him, trying to find a glimpse of him. George remained by my side until I assured him I was fine and sent him over to the other side of the room to check on the baby. He glanced but couldn't get close enough to see either and came back to me. A variety of female voices buzzed around me, telling me how great I had done and how I wouldn't need stitches and generally reflecting on the last intense couple of minutes. I wasn't paying attention until I heard the doctor say something about the placenta coming out. Since the placenta was the root of my Pre E and causing all my problems, I glanced down to see it. BIG mistake. Big. HUGE. So freaking gross! I turned my head away and the doctor apologized but I just sort of laughed and said it wasn't her fault, I thought I wanted to see. My attention was again focused toward the baby. I asked out loud how he was doing, a nurse told me again that I wouldn't be able to hear him cry. I explained that I knew that but I just wanted to know how he was. At this moment, before anyone else could answer, this tiny cry came from the other side of the room. All heads turned toward him because it just shouldn't have been able to happen. But I knew it was God's way of answering my question and sending it through Lil Bubba. I relaxed, George relaxed, and that's the first time I cried. It had all been so crazy and I could barely absorb what had just happened. It was so fast, there wasn't enough time to be emotionally charged, I was in shock for most of it. And in that one moment it hit me--He was here. My son was here. We did on our own terms as much as we could and both pulled through it. I had a family. I had a perfect little being across the room from me who I had made out of complete and true love with my soul mate. There aren't words to describe it, really. I'm sure a lot of people know what I'm talking about :) Before they took him to the NICU, they let us take one picture of him and one family photo. Our camera was lost in the craziness (Found right after they took him away, of course) so thank God for our cell phones! I held him for that brief picture moment and posed for our first family photo lookin' like a hot mess ;)
I didn't see him again until midnight that night. 12 hours later. A lot of other people saw him before I did. But I still had the Mag and couldn't move. I needed time for the epidural to wear off and to see how my BP and blood sugar levels were doing. It's funny because the diabetes was gone immediately! So funny how fast that went away! Literally, a couple hours after delivery, they checked and the levels were normal. They even let me have dinner that night and Pasquales never tasted so good! ;) I was still just anxious to see him again. I got updates all day and pictures from everyone who got to see him. He started out great, needing only a Cpap machine. But as the day wore on, the 'honey moon' period ran out and he ended up needing more and more help where his lungs were concerned. By the time I saw him, he was on ocilator (sp?) which was pumping air into his lungs to make them open and it looked like somehting was shaking him to death from the inside. George assured me when he saw my face that this was helpful even though it looked so rough on him. He had a little IV attached to him and he was so so SO tiny. But for the time being, he was pretty stable. I was able to be wheeled to my new room and sent to sleep and rest. What a day it had been. A crazy delivery. 10 weeks too early. April Fool's Day?? And yet he was the single most amazing thing I had ever seen.
I could go on about the new few days and his ups and downs, but I won't. Although I'll never forget them, especially the night that he really scared us, they don't matter right now. RIGHT NOW, my son has made is way back to a bubble cpap and is doing GREAT! He is breathing at 21% oxygen (Which is room air, what we breathe) and doing it at 100%. He has gone from eating 2ml for each feeding to 13ml in just two days. They are considering removing him from the cpap as early as tomorrow and onto another and better oxygen mask since he's doing so well. Once he reaches 20ml per serving, he won't need his tube and can attempt a bottle/breast feeding. Tonight, George and I held him in our arms for the first time. It was only for 10 minutes each but so worth it. George sang to him and had a truly calming affect on him. He spit up on me ;) Point is, every day he amazes us. I know there will still be ups and downs and that's just how things are for a preemie. But I'm so truly blessed. A man who loves me more than anyone else ever has and a son who is stronger than I'll ever be at only one week old. These two Georges are my whole world and nothing else matters. Not stupid family or friend drama, only them. I can not wait until we are able to be at home, all together, and this time in our lives will be nothing but a memory. Until then, we wake up every day with support from the people who matter and support from each other and take that day for the gift it is. It's one day at a time!
Thank you to everyone who came to visit, texted, and called us during this time. We really appreciated all of the support, prayers, kind words and thoughts you've sent our way!