Missing gears.
It's just a scheme. It always was. You were so smart. So sneaky. You know how to use the weapons given. I am at a loss. Over and over again. I beg myself to stop, but it feels so painful, I can't. Each moment twists. I have been lied to. I have been mistreated, not wanted. Someone said special, the thought is comical. I have failed the biggest competition of them all. I have lost a hundred thousand times and now I must pay for my mistakes. I wasn't disciplined enough, not smart enough, not good enough. Never was. I entertain the thoughts of disappearance. I entertain desires, playfully consider each one in my mind.... and the consequences of such things. Could I get away with it? No, if I tried to do anything I'd pay for it in the long run. But still, I dream. I wish I could take the easy way. So many people consider it negative, the act I find enticing. Am I that screwed up. Did I miss something crucial. Still this inner burn haunts me. I need to satisfy the calling. I can't keep living like this, I am trapped in the socially awkward tangle between freedom and desire. I cling to the thing I can't have. I'm broken.
The lingering cold steel, the desires that burn hot Drowning pains with different pains. That is how I think. every action a reaction, kind of thing. I don't know where to start.
The lingering cold steel, the desires that burn hot Drowning pains with different pains. That is how I think. every action a reaction, kind of thing. I don't know where to start.