(no subject)
I feel like such a horrible person right now and i don't really know why. I feel like all these years have been totally wasted especially high school. I wish I was the straight A honor roll student that everyone wishes I was. I wish I was the beautiful popular girl with every guy on his knees. I look at myself everyday in the mirror and wonder why and how I let myself get the way that I am. I remember this little tiny happy tomboy girl who was outside everyday playing kickball, football, soccer and every sport imaginable with my neighbor. and I think I wish I was still that happy. I dont know why I'm not. I dont know why I rely on other things to make me happy when I should be the one to making myself happy. Now I feel like the fat ass loser girl who sits at home every night feeling sorry for myself. I picture my future and I see this 8,000 pound person laying on the bed doing nothing but eating and watching tv while my 115 pound husband works all day because I'm too fat and lazy to do anything. I wish things would get better. I need some spontainous excitement in my life. I want my friends to randomly show up at my house and take me to somewhere like birmingham out of the blue or someone to drive around aimlessly all night while having the coolest night of my life. I want I want I want. So call me selfish.