(no subject)
It's funny how I never really write about super-important stuff in here...this entry however, is important.
Mom's cancer isn't Ovarian. It's Pancreatic Cancer...which spread to many of her organs, and Pancreatic cancer's survival rate is less than 4% ..... In my heart, I know...I just know....that I have to prepare myself for the months to come, and then the end. The doctors also think that she may have a cancer-causing gene, and my brother and I could possibly have it.
Dad gets his MRI results back on Thursday. I have the feeling he knows something is really wrong with him too... because he said "You, Sean and I are going to have a family meeting on Thursday after I get those results back." We never have family meetings unless it's serious.
What the hell is going on with my family? What did we do to deserve this? We aren't bad people...
I feel like giving up right now, because it's only going to get worse. In the end, nothing's really worth fighting for....because you get screwed over anyway.
I know that when all of this shit finally hits me and happens, I'll fall apart.
Today, Keria got a truck. She decided to keep the Talon but traded in "Barney," the 1998 Cavalier and got a 1998 Ford F-150, Extended cab. Bad asssssss. After financing and all, this thing is running her 10 grand to buy. So, we pimptressed it in that the whole day today.
We went to Wendy's so I could get some sweet tea or something, and I walked back out to my car turned on some music and leaned on Keria's truck to talk to her...guess who rolls up. Travis mother freakin' Hodge.
He parks right beside my car, and makes way to stand right beside me, and lean in Keria's window too. Finally I got enough courage up to ask him jokingly "Why the hell don't you talk to me?" he threw that right back at me saying I don't talk to him. Lol. Yes, I guess my whole ZERO tolerance thing fucked it up for me. Then he bumped me with his butt lol... Whatever...I just fucking give up on everything.
So then, we go meet up with Momma Bear (Ciara's mom), Ciara, and 8 other people, and we talk and shizz...guess who pulls up THEN?
Ray mother freakin' Knight...I never see him anywhere anymore, because he's always at his friends house or golfing...but he pulled up....got out....I got out of Keria's truck...smiling cause thats normally all I can do when I see him...and talked with him a bit...updated him on my family and shizz...then it started to pour rain, so he ran to his car, then ran back to where I was standing for some reason, he looked like he wanted to give me a hug...I wanted to hug him sooo bad..but..of course, I didn't.....but we gave each other one of those "sliding 5's".... and he left to go to his friend's house.
A little while later, I get a text message....from him...
It said, "Be careful on your way home" ..................................
Seriously..what the hell...he KNOWS I still have feelings for him...it's still hard to see him and it hurts to think about him...and then he goes and sends me this text message shit...it hurts even worse.
Be in my life, or stay out so I can move on...please...
I actually talked to Megan today too. Told her I owed her an apology and that I was sorry.
I really don't know what to think of my life right now.
Here we go...
If I've ever hurt anyone in anyway...or "done you wrong" or something, I'm sorry.
This shit hurts so bad.
Mom's cancer isn't Ovarian. It's Pancreatic Cancer...which spread to many of her organs, and Pancreatic cancer's survival rate is less than 4% ..... In my heart, I know...I just know....that I have to prepare myself for the months to come, and then the end. The doctors also think that she may have a cancer-causing gene, and my brother and I could possibly have it.
Dad gets his MRI results back on Thursday. I have the feeling he knows something is really wrong with him too... because he said "You, Sean and I are going to have a family meeting on Thursday after I get those results back." We never have family meetings unless it's serious.
What the hell is going on with my family? What did we do to deserve this? We aren't bad people...
I feel like giving up right now, because it's only going to get worse. In the end, nothing's really worth fighting for....because you get screwed over anyway.
I know that when all of this shit finally hits me and happens, I'll fall apart.
Today, Keria got a truck. She decided to keep the Talon but traded in "Barney," the 1998 Cavalier and got a 1998 Ford F-150, Extended cab. Bad asssssss. After financing and all, this thing is running her 10 grand to buy. So, we pimptressed it in that the whole day today.
We went to Wendy's so I could get some sweet tea or something, and I walked back out to my car turned on some music and leaned on Keria's truck to talk to her...guess who rolls up. Travis mother freakin' Hodge.
He parks right beside my car, and makes way to stand right beside me, and lean in Keria's window too. Finally I got enough courage up to ask him jokingly "Why the hell don't you talk to me?" he threw that right back at me saying I don't talk to him. Lol. Yes, I guess my whole ZERO tolerance thing fucked it up for me. Then he bumped me with his butt lol... Whatever...I just fucking give up on everything.
So then, we go meet up with Momma Bear (Ciara's mom), Ciara, and 8 other people, and we talk and shizz...guess who pulls up THEN?
Ray mother freakin' Knight...I never see him anywhere anymore, because he's always at his friends house or golfing...but he pulled up....got out....I got out of Keria's truck...smiling cause thats normally all I can do when I see him...and talked with him a bit...updated him on my family and shizz...then it started to pour rain, so he ran to his car, then ran back to where I was standing for some reason, he looked like he wanted to give me a hug...I wanted to hug him sooo bad..but..of course, I didn't.....but we gave each other one of those "sliding 5's".... and he left to go to his friend's house.
A little while later, I get a text message....from him...
It said, "Be careful on your way home" ..................................
Seriously..what the hell...he KNOWS I still have feelings for him...it's still hard to see him and it hurts to think about him...and then he goes and sends me this text message shit...it hurts even worse.
Be in my life, or stay out so I can move on...please...
I actually talked to Megan today too. Told her I owed her an apology and that I was sorry.
I really don't know what to think of my life right now.
Here we go...
If I've ever hurt anyone in anyway...or "done you wrong" or something, I'm sorry.
This shit hurts so bad.