(no subject)
a few months ago, i thought a lot about... how things have gone since 2003. 2003 was a pretty bad year... from the let down in friends, to all the bullshit with kim, to the very end with nicole... it was a bad, bad year. i lost a lot of people i care about, and yeah, ive gotta admit, it hurt.
as i look back to this year so far, i realize its october. its fucking OCTOBER... 22 to say the least. in a little more than 2 months, it will be 2005. time has really flown by. im not sure why i decided to write this, but i felt the need...
i havent felt very good much at all this year. i realize that everyone is just... fake. i have so few people who i can actually call... friends. i realize i really do nothing on weekends anymore, i really do nothing to keep myself entertained. since coming to william paterson, ive made a couple good friends... brendan and serena in particular. theyve really been there for me and theyve really kept me happy. ive made friends with some others, but i realize i either a) dont click with them whatsoever, b) just arent my type of people and i cant stand them, or c) have already shown me theyre not worthy of being called a true "friend." kellyann has been here for me all along and we have become closer than we were when we were at home, which i feel good about. i truly love her and im glad shes here with me. serena is awesome, shes probably the person who i can relate to more than anyone here... i could probably talk to her for hours simply because i know we are alike for the most part. brendan... is just a god-sent. more than anything... i feared having this black roomie who listens to rap, calls me "nigga" and smokes all the time. brendan is everything that i am i think... with the exception that im a raging alcoholic and he... isnt haha. but he has truly been a good friend, and i hope that we can become closer and still hang out even when we arent at school... i hope so at least.
but overall... im not sure how much i like it here. its friday night and no one is at school. im sitting in my dorm, and i have been all night. everyone goes home on weekends and i dont. i dont know if i feel comfortable here. i liked it in the beginning but now i begin to question everything. i think im gonna stay though, because i truly believe i will eventually feel comfortable here...
no matter how much i say i dont care about girls anymore, i still do, of course. and of course, im still alone. im not gonna sit here and say "no girl has ever cared about me," but its just funny, i think... in my women's society class every girl says "guys just want a hook up, no one guy really wants a relationship." listen up, bitches and sluts... youre all fucking fake as fuck. over the past year, ive dealt with 2 girls that want no part of a relationship and just like hooking up, a girl thats completely insane and wants to press control alt delete on my entire life, and another who has just deliberatly.. lied to my face, then tries to place blame on me. im convinced that yall are the devil.
im not sure what to do anymore with all of this. i feel like something is missing, and ive felt that since... well i guess ive felt it since kim left. im not saying im not over her... but i just feel that something has been missing. i guess i just have to keep my head up, eventually things will turn around. have strength.
as i look back to this year so far, i realize its october. its fucking OCTOBER... 22 to say the least. in a little more than 2 months, it will be 2005. time has really flown by. im not sure why i decided to write this, but i felt the need...
i havent felt very good much at all this year. i realize that everyone is just... fake. i have so few people who i can actually call... friends. i realize i really do nothing on weekends anymore, i really do nothing to keep myself entertained. since coming to william paterson, ive made a couple good friends... brendan and serena in particular. theyve really been there for me and theyve really kept me happy. ive made friends with some others, but i realize i either a) dont click with them whatsoever, b) just arent my type of people and i cant stand them, or c) have already shown me theyre not worthy of being called a true "friend." kellyann has been here for me all along and we have become closer than we were when we were at home, which i feel good about. i truly love her and im glad shes here with me. serena is awesome, shes probably the person who i can relate to more than anyone here... i could probably talk to her for hours simply because i know we are alike for the most part. brendan... is just a god-sent. more than anything... i feared having this black roomie who listens to rap, calls me "nigga" and smokes all the time. brendan is everything that i am i think... with the exception that im a raging alcoholic and he... isnt haha. but he has truly been a good friend, and i hope that we can become closer and still hang out even when we arent at school... i hope so at least.
but overall... im not sure how much i like it here. its friday night and no one is at school. im sitting in my dorm, and i have been all night. everyone goes home on weekends and i dont. i dont know if i feel comfortable here. i liked it in the beginning but now i begin to question everything. i think im gonna stay though, because i truly believe i will eventually feel comfortable here...
no matter how much i say i dont care about girls anymore, i still do, of course. and of course, im still alone. im not gonna sit here and say "no girl has ever cared about me," but its just funny, i think... in my women's society class every girl says "guys just want a hook up, no one guy really wants a relationship." listen up, bitches and sluts... youre all fucking fake as fuck. over the past year, ive dealt with 2 girls that want no part of a relationship and just like hooking up, a girl thats completely insane and wants to press control alt delete on my entire life, and another who has just deliberatly.. lied to my face, then tries to place blame on me. im convinced that yall are the devil.
im not sure what to do anymore with all of this. i feel like something is missing, and ive felt that since... well i guess ive felt it since kim left. im not saying im not over her... but i just feel that something has been missing. i guess i just have to keep my head up, eventually things will turn around. have strength.