(no subject)
I'm rather oblvious to the world around me because I'm in so much pain with my back. It's giving me a ton of trouble again. I can only take small shuffling steps with the support of my walker. Things like showering every single day and fixing my hair are just out of the question. I can hardly move. I'd spend all day in bed, but I'd get too bored. I see the doctor tomorrow...pain mangement doctor. hopefully he'll do something helpful for a change. he normally won't even give a damn prn to me and I'm not one to abuse pain meds - especially with dear old mom in charge of every pill that enters my mouth.
Emotionally. I guess you could say I'm doing better. If anger is "better" than depression. Daniela spent the majority of my appointment with her telling me how she didn't like treating me like 2year old but the past few weeks I had been requiring that of her. The past few weeks I have been a wreck and in need of her support and she did nothing but turn on me. She wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't accept that I needed support getting by on just a day to day basis - I need someone to tell me I'd be okay, I was strong enough to get through it - because I really didn't think I'd make it and I'm still rather shocked that I did for the lack of support from her. She basically telling me to snap out of it and I couldn't snap out of being so depressed that functioning was out of the question. I really thought she was more understanding. She just lost a shit load of my trust and back to square one where I look out the window when i talk and not at her.
And I cannot process another thing in my life right now. Between pain and anger I'm just on the verge of exploding - and I don't know what would come of that.
Emotionally. I guess you could say I'm doing better. If anger is "better" than depression. Daniela spent the majority of my appointment with her telling me how she didn't like treating me like 2year old but the past few weeks I had been requiring that of her. The past few weeks I have been a wreck and in need of her support and she did nothing but turn on me. She wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't accept that I needed support getting by on just a day to day basis - I need someone to tell me I'd be okay, I was strong enough to get through it - because I really didn't think I'd make it and I'm still rather shocked that I did for the lack of support from her. She basically telling me to snap out of it and I couldn't snap out of being so depressed that functioning was out of the question. I really thought she was more understanding. She just lost a shit load of my trust and back to square one where I look out the window when i talk and not at her.
And I cannot process another thing in my life right now. Between pain and anger I'm just on the verge of exploding - and I don't know what would come of that.