wanna know how i feel?*read*
today was a pretty good day! although i havent heard from my taylor at all. its okay. for once i occupied my mind. *clap*. you know i was thinking about why i always get jealous when taylor is with other people, i came up with a pretty good explanation. i like put all my feelings in prospective and thought about what exactly made me feel the way i do. well see at the beginning taylor and i were just friends. now although i try talking to her like a buddy, its not the same. its not like we can talk about hot guys now because she gets all jealous and starts planning on how she should kill them. but its just like stupid crushes not like anything i could ever feel for her. when we get into fights, sometimes i wish things would have been different. i miss the days when we were best friends but things have changed so much since then. its not everyday you have sex with your buddy. before i used to run to her when i had problems, now its her who gives me them. and i know taylor doesnt really have any best friends and im sure she would like one. and thats why it bugs me when she starts talking to my friends she doesnt know well like theyve been close buddies forever because i start feeling like someones gonna take my place as her bestfriend which is something i used to be and still wish i was. and that would really suck if one day she did find a real best friend, because it freaks me out that that person might have feelings for her the same way i did and try making a move on her and well, taylor being ok with it and well end up leaving me on the sidelines like everyone else. i know she loves me but like i said shes never really given anyone else the chance. what if im not the one? what if things change. shes a vounerable little girl and sometimes i feel like i made her like me. or that she might be obsessed. yeah. see vicki (her step sister) is like her best friend right now but i dont mind that because vickis cool and well there sisters so i dont think anything would ever happen there. but otherwise i dont know. but really. i do wish we could talk like best friends again. thats something i want in a relationship. to have that and to be able to really talk with out problems (like guys*walmart boy, god he is so fucking hot*). i really hope things work out between us. she makes me happy. honestly i wouldnt even leave her if craig nicholls asked me to marry him. thats saying alot man. oh well. im getting a bit sleepy. goodnight everyone.