1,

Jan 19, 2008 04:29

"we got problems, we don't know how to solve them. Broken hearts parade, I'm putting my heart on display. There's no mascaraed."

Good Charlotte isn't that bad anymore.

You know when I'm reading people journals, I really would love it if they wouldn't kill the entry by saying, "enuff said." I just feel like barfing, because I feel like I've just wasted my time reading some bullshit entry. It gets me so upset. Why would someone even say that anyways? Let me explain, someone said..

"I hate backstabbers:

"nuff said."

NOT REALLY. You just want to give me three words & ask me to work with that? I don't know, I guess it really bothers me that I have to write about it.

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I miss a lot of my friends, & I miss the way life used to be when you'd just call me and we'd hang out. I really would love to go into description, but I can't because too many people read this, but I actually wish you would read this. I remember we used to watch Dawson's Creek & then talk about the plot & how messed up the characters were becoming or we'd just hang out doing nothing. && all those times you were an asshole to me I just wanted to hate you because you made it seem like you wanted me to hate you, but every time I say, "god, I hate _" I came into conclusion that it just wasn't going to happen, because I care. & I'd like to believe you do as well. Friendships stop at a certain point because men & women can't get too close to one another. There is this boundry & even if I never grew feelings for you I think we crossed it at some point. We both admit the friendship wasn't the way it should be & it was unhealthy but nowadays when we hang out I feel like I don't know anything about you anymore. It seems like the bond we used to have has disappeared.

&& I've finally understood what love means. After thinking I knew, I didn't the whole entire time. In the past I believe I only thought for myself & what I can get out of a relationship. I guess I've always been a bit materialistic, but with Jacob I'm not. With him I look past the fact that we have a cultural difference. That he can't give me anything other then his love, and that he isn't someone that can splurge on me when he feels like it. In the beginning it bothered me & I would always complain to him about how he couldn't take care of me which gave him so much pressure in doing good at work. I was blinded to see that he works so hard for me so I can eat anything I want to eat everyday, so he can take me to curry house & krispy kream whenever I felt like it. He's not a boy, he's a man& I was so vain that I didn't see him, I saw around him. I wanted him to put his feet in my shoes, but I never once put my foot in his shoes to see his world. He has no one here in California except for me & he has to pay for everything himself. He can't just go home, and know that he's secure & safe. He has to make sure his rent is paid for every month & his bills are paid for on time. He can't ask his family for money. I wanted him to take care of me until I understood that he couldn't take care of me if he couldn't take care of himself first. The fact that he loves me when I have tissues in my nose or when I drool all over the pillows shows a lot. He kisses my forehead everyday before I sleep & before I wake up. He always says to momo when I pretend I'm sleeping, "don't bother mommy, she's sleeping." & he just sits next to me watching tv making sure I wake up in time for school or work. & he always manages to take care of everything before I wake up in the morning& gets me brunch. & I always look at him when he sleeps & wonder what a great person like him is doing with a bitchy, immature girl like me? but, I'd cross all the oceans for him&& only for him. I even said the other day, "If we cheated on each other, I think we would forgive each other." & he said, "WHY? what are you thinking." .. I just think he's worth it. I hope he thinks so as well.

He's snoring currently.

so here's some pictures.























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tofubao.


big lobster for new years dinner


he's been in my tummy. :(

Thought I'd share a few more pics from awhile ago. Starting from the earliest


sophmore year in high school band.


senior year band banquest.


07- graduation


peace.




dans bday

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