(no subject)
I keep telling myself I need to write in here more often, document what happens to me. But all that happens when I click update is I remember how boring my life is. Nothing ever happens to me to make me think "OH I need to write this down later." I feel that if I write it's a waste of everyone who reads' time. But I doubt anyone does. My life has been so stagnant lately that I haven't written in months, it's highly unlikely that anyone checks anymore.
Most of my days are spent working. My only day off is Sunday. I work during the week handing out money that I wish were my own to people who ask for it, and I spend my Saturdays answering the telephone to mostly hang-ups or people who can't speak English. I'm working so much to save up to move to Tampa in September where I'll be residing for the next 18+ months for school. That is, if I can get enough money to go. I'm terrified I won't get approved for a loan large enough to go. I've been looking for scholarships but since my parents are married, I have both legs, and I'm right handed I can't find any to my advantage. Serves my right for not going to school right out of high school.
I feel very dismal lately. And I'm sorry. It feels like I only write when I'm down, and I know I shouldn't feel like that. For those of you who have known me at the high times in my life know that I'm not usually like this. I can find happiness in a cute dress or a pretty picture. Don't get me wrong, I still find happiness in those things, I still feel wonderful when I hear 5 minutes of a great song. But it's everything else that I can't see the sunlight in. I care so deeply about the people around me but it's just not on the surface and I can't figure out why. I'm usually so lovable, so needy. But right now I want to be away from everything in my comfort zone.
Being sick is definitely making everything a little bit harder. No one can seem to find out what's wrong with me even after a year and losing 40 pounds. I just want to be able to eat what i want, when I want and feel great afterwards. I don't want to be tired anymore. It's wearing me down along with everything else.
I am counting down the days until I move to Tampa, it's getting closer everyday and I'm praying I really do get there.
Most of my days are spent working. My only day off is Sunday. I work during the week handing out money that I wish were my own to people who ask for it, and I spend my Saturdays answering the telephone to mostly hang-ups or people who can't speak English. I'm working so much to save up to move to Tampa in September where I'll be residing for the next 18+ months for school. That is, if I can get enough money to go. I'm terrified I won't get approved for a loan large enough to go. I've been looking for scholarships but since my parents are married, I have both legs, and I'm right handed I can't find any to my advantage. Serves my right for not going to school right out of high school.
I feel very dismal lately. And I'm sorry. It feels like I only write when I'm down, and I know I shouldn't feel like that. For those of you who have known me at the high times in my life know that I'm not usually like this. I can find happiness in a cute dress or a pretty picture. Don't get me wrong, I still find happiness in those things, I still feel wonderful when I hear 5 minutes of a great song. But it's everything else that I can't see the sunlight in. I care so deeply about the people around me but it's just not on the surface and I can't figure out why. I'm usually so lovable, so needy. But right now I want to be away from everything in my comfort zone.
Being sick is definitely making everything a little bit harder. No one can seem to find out what's wrong with me even after a year and losing 40 pounds. I just want to be able to eat what i want, when I want and feel great afterwards. I don't want to be tired anymore. It's wearing me down along with everything else.
I am counting down the days until I move to Tampa, it's getting closer everyday and I'm praying I really do get there.