(no subject)
I think this is more of a post that needs no comments...but you can if you feel the need to.
Dear Diary,
My life is a piece of litteral shit. I see Kendall everyday and I cant find the words to say to him. Sometimes I think there are no words for the way you feel about someone. I try to be kept un noticed by him but I know he knows I stare. Walking through the halls at school. Watching him in the back lot. Our eyes meet sometimes., but only for me to turn red and let the stare at each other continue. I can never read what he is feeling. It bothers me. He is so random. What can I possible do to show him I care? I wish so badly to stop playing this mind game and just tell him all that I feel. That can only lead to disaster. I am sure he will say something lie " Brad im just not interested." or "Brad get over it, we arent going to be together."
From all I hear. I am "barking up the wrong tree." I am completly alone here. I wish to tell him so much and have so much to ask. But I just cant. We have no common ground and he tends to be short with his words when we talk. When we talk that is. The looks he makes. Makes me feel like he can see right through me. People wonder why I enjoy his presence so much.. All I can say is it just feels right...the thought of us being together. Maybe he doesnt feel the same. Maybe Im too much of a idiot to see it.
I have already messed up one relationship this year because of my mouth and because of what I said. I cant let it happen again. But I feel like in his mind he has already made a decision about me...before he really knows me. I know I know I barely know him either. All I want is some common ground. Even if we just hang out for a hile...it would put a smile on my face that wouldnt fade for quite some time.
Who knows what to do I am just tired of worring over it but I know I have to figure something out. Or else I will go insain. I have literally had like 20 million convos with people telling me all similar things. Even my gay friends in other places cant help me...Its such a different case of oh I LOVE YOU...so they say. If I get the Ok I will post some of these convos later.