The doom and gloom room
I always have this idea that things are supposed to be perfect at the moment. Always. I constantly convince myself that these are, in fact, the best days of my life. I ignore problems. I idealize outcomes. I have high hopes. I don't think that It's really hit me that none of these things are the case. And to be really honest, I don't want to. Denial is fine with me. I'll tell myself I'm smart, I'm gorgeous, that the people that surround me really care about me, that I'm going somewhere in my life, and that not everything is my fault.
The truth, if I could have made a list of all of the things that I could do that would be destructive to my life in some way or another, and carried out each thing, I wouldn't be in as bad of a position I am now. I really fucked shit up. And at this point, I'm not sure how to fix anything. I wish I could be really articulate when I apologized to people. Or better, I wish they just knew how deeply sorry I was. But as with most conflict, I don't care to put an effort into things that are counterproductive.
Ughh. Excuse my ambiguity.
I don't know what else to say.
I need to be more productive. I need to go to the gym more. I need to do my homework more. I need to dance more. I need to cry more.
I NEED TO STOP BEING A BASKET CASE!
"Looking up through all that water
And the fishes swimming by
And I don't always feel lucky
But I'm smart enough to try
Cuz humility has buoyancy
And above us only sky
So I lean in"
The truth, if I could have made a list of all of the things that I could do that would be destructive to my life in some way or another, and carried out each thing, I wouldn't be in as bad of a position I am now. I really fucked shit up. And at this point, I'm not sure how to fix anything. I wish I could be really articulate when I apologized to people. Or better, I wish they just knew how deeply sorry I was. But as with most conflict, I don't care to put an effort into things that are counterproductive.
Ughh. Excuse my ambiguity.
I don't know what else to say.
I need to be more productive. I need to go to the gym more. I need to do my homework more. I need to dance more. I need to cry more.
I NEED TO STOP BEING A BASKET CASE!
"Looking up through all that water
And the fishes swimming by
And I don't always feel lucky
But I'm smart enough to try
Cuz humility has buoyancy
And above us only sky
So I lean in"