"Our dog's adopted a pet," Moist said, manfully holding his tee-shirt closed. The elephant lifted its trunk daintily and playfully swiped him across the face. Moist received a black eye.
"Ow," he grunted, melding with the bark of the tree. "Do you think you can help me out here a little? Look like...look like whatever it is these things eat. You're fast. You're young. Ohmygod, it's trying to eat me. Duo."
Trying to push away the head of an inquisitive neonatal elephant was about as effective as, say, digging out of an A-M prison with only a spoon and a lot of hope to help you.
"Hey now," Duo said, walking over and grabbing the elephant's trunk, breaking into a grin as the grey appendage snaked up his arm.
"I- he's mine, only I get to do- hey," he said again, laughing a little. The elephant made a small trumpet, which set Zwerg into an odd, loping, jumping-about sort of dance of excitement.
"Oh my god, it's a fucking elephant," Duo said, petting one of the animal's ears. "This is so cool."
"It's a baby," Moist pointed out, scooping up Zwerg, who licked his chin before leaping (with, admittedly, remarkable aim) onto the elephant's back, and with some industrious scrambling, then neck. Eventually, he flopped over the beast's forehead, looking proud of himself.
"Which makes Zwerg a...kidnapper. Which means that, somewhere, there's a version of this that's - and this is important - much bigger and probably very upset."
"Oh my God, I love him," Duo said, letting the elephant play with his braid. The big wrinkly baby seemed totally shocked that a skinny peachy human had a trunk, albeit one attached to the wrong side of his head.
"Oh dear god," Moist said, watching this. "That's. You're. It really is prehensile, isn't it? Is this some kind of greeting ritual?"
Moist reached out, rubbing the animals leathery ear between his fingers.
"I'd really hate to break this reunion up..." he muttered, arching an eyebrow at Duo. "But it's already attacked me!" he said, waving around the remnants of his teeshirt.
"It just has good taste. He's a baby, he doesn't know he's gay yet. Let him hold onto his innocence." The elephant made a noise, reaching its trunk up to curl it around Zwerg and the bring the pup carefully down to cradle him.
"Freakin' a," Duo mumbled. "This is the cutest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Hey! Let's feed it!"
"There's a vicious gay elephant cuddling our dog in the front yard and you want to - you can't encourage this behavior!" he said, gesturing at the diabetic, day-glo grade of cuteness that was taking place before them. "Zwerg is a. He's. Well. He used to be vicious And now look. The water got him."
He sighed heavily. "Feed him what? A house? Adora doesn't live far from here..."
"I dunno. Should we find him food, or should we...try to find whoever he wandered away from?" Duo mumbled, kind of caught up in the novelty of 'hey it's a baby elephant'.
"So like.... what. Grass? What the hell do elephants eat?" Duo said, looking up at Moist with an admittedly bewildered sort of expression. Annagovia, who had sweetened up considerably since the puppies were weened and sent off and she'd had a bloody break, trotted up with an inquisitive look.
"Don't they eat peanuts?" he guessed, "Do we have peanuts here?"
"Hey lady," Moist said, to the wolf, giving her a grin. The elephant hefted Zwerg, presenting him almost sheepishly. "I'm almost sure he's not a carnivore, and unless you want to suckle him..."
Annagovia shot Moist a look before nosing the elephant's trunk, then taking Zwerg gently from his new friend by the top of his head and setting him down. Duo watched them bemusedly.
Annagovia then sat and watched the two babies as Zwerg leaped, more or less, around the elephant's feel.
"What shit grows in India?" Duo muttered. "Damn, I have no idea."
"...I don't think my manliness will ever recover from this," said Moist in the tones of one who is deeply horrified. The elephant trumpeted loudly.
"We don't have an India where I come from," he said, rubbing the animal's forehead. "Or at least, not that I've been to. I did do a great Prince Fallen From Splendor who'd had a herd of these."
He crouched down beside the gigantic baby, "What about you, mademoiselle? What would you like to eat?"
The elephant whapped Moist affectionately in the face with her trunk and Duo started laughing so hard he had to sit down. He walked over to the steps of their house to do so.
"Abusive gay elephant," Moist muttered, catching the things trunk in his fist, daring the slow-blinking beast to challenge him. "Which you can't even feed. Do you hear that?" he asked, indicating general forest noise, "That's probably the sound of it's mother coming to trample us to death."
"...What are you doing," he said, eyes large and wide and round, gaze flickering between their baby puppy and the elephant and his husband.
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"Ow," he grunted, melding with the bark of the tree. "Do you think you can help me out here a little? Look like...look like whatever it is these things eat. You're fast. You're young. Ohmygod, it's trying to eat me. Duo."
Trying to push away the head of an inquisitive neonatal elephant was about as effective as, say, digging out of an A-M prison with only a spoon and a lot of hope to help you.
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"I- he's mine, only I get to do- hey," he said again, laughing a little. The elephant made a small trumpet, which set Zwerg into an odd, loping, jumping-about sort of dance of excitement.
"Oh my god, it's a fucking elephant," Duo said, petting one of the animal's ears. "This is so cool."
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"Which makes Zwerg a...kidnapper. Which means that, somewhere, there's a version of this that's - and this is important - much bigger and probably very upset."
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"Oh my God, can we keep him?"
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Moist reached out, rubbing the animals leathery ear between his fingers.
"I'd really hate to break this reunion up..." he muttered, arching an eyebrow at Duo. "But it's already attacked me!" he said, waving around the remnants of his teeshirt.
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"Freakin' a," Duo mumbled. "This is the cutest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Hey! Let's feed it!"
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He sighed heavily. "Feed him what? A house? Adora doesn't live far from here..."
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"Er. Well. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to send it home with a full stomach..."
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"Hey lady," Moist said, to the wolf, giving her a grin. The elephant hefted Zwerg, presenting him almost sheepishly. "I'm almost sure he's not a carnivore, and unless you want to suckle him..."
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Annagovia then sat and watched the two babies as Zwerg leaped, more or less, around the elephant's feel.
"What shit grows in India?" Duo muttered. "Damn, I have no idea."
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"We don't have an India where I come from," he said, rubbing the animal's forehead. "Or at least, not that I've been to. I did do a great Prince Fallen From Splendor who'd had a herd of these."
He crouched down beside the gigantic baby, "What about you, mademoiselle? What would you like to eat?"
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It took him a while to get it all out.
"Oh, we're so keeping her."
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