Calming Down Slowly!
I don't know where I can start because I am so so so mad!!!!!!
So so very mad!
Part of me doesn't care if D reads this or not because then he can find out just how really mad I am!!
I am so pissed off!!!
I don't ever ever want D's parents in my house unsupervised again! How dare they! I don't trust them with Alexander! I don't trust them to respect my privacy!
I hate how they have to know every cm of our lives! I hate how D consults with them and tells them stuff! I so friggin' don't want them around!
Where to start....?
D went away today, left early this morning, back about midnight to go inspect a property. And because I am working we had to get the in-laws in to watch Alexander.
So did not have a really good day today, got told off by someone at work who I trusted for something I hadn't done that she was accusing me of and she found out later that it was true and I didn't really need to be snapped at, then she got annoyed at me later today. Yes we are all stressed and she's tired but I really feel hurt about how she jumped down my throat.
As I was driving home I was thinking about what I told the midwife yesterday how lonely I feel. I feel cut off from all my support networks. I'm too tired to go to church and when I do I just spend it running around after Alexander so I don't feel I get any benefit from going because I barely get to hear the sermon or socialise with anyone so I might as well stay home where I can lie on the floor or couch and have Alexander climb all over me. I don't get to go to my mother's group or to the ABA or see my friends and I barely see my husband and when I do one or both of us is tired.
And all I could think when driving home is coming home to my baby and eventually my husband coming home. And I want to come home to my house where I feel safe and secure and perhaps all the stress can go away because there is so much pressure at work at the moment.
So I deal with my in-laws and grit my teeth every time my mil tells me about how to care for my son (ie when he will need to go to bed and how he didn't go down for his nap and I didn't delve too deeply into how they settled him to eventually go to sleep because I am tired of being told off by D that I am too negative to them and I always critique them and put them down and I try so hard)
ANyway every part of the house I go into I can see that she has been interfering and moving stuff and changing stuff around but I just grit my teeth. I can't complain to D because he says we're busy and she's trying to help but he's at home but then looks at me like I am mad when I say I couldn't get anything done on the weekend with Alexander and just being so exhausted but it is not as if he is getting a heap done but he makes sure I know it when he does it!
But then I find she's been in my room and bathroom and that's just not on!
When I first went back to work and wasn't coping she went into our room and moved stuff around and I got really upset and D supposedly told her not to go in there.
I don't like her doing our laundry, I can cope with her doing the dishes (sometimes... barely) and the weeding but I don't want her doing our laundry. So one day I asked her not to do it and she did it anyway and even if I wash everything and perhaps leave 1 or 2 things at the bottom of the laundry basket she will wash that so last time she came over I put the laundry basket in our room and today I did the same. Well she went into our room and took the laundry out and washed it and moved stuff around in the bathroom and just it was all WRONG! Things out of place!!!! That's my place, my stuff, my area and she just goes in there. I am sure in her tiny fricken head that its alright because she's trying to help or D or his dad will say that's how she is, she can't help herself. Well that's no excuse!!!
I'm sorry - what part of a closed door don't you understand?!?!!?? no wonder Alexander couldn't sleep if you were running the washing machine or cleaning while he was settling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want her here ever again if she can't understand respect!
D wants to go out for dinner Friday night and have them babysit and he rang up and was trying to pressure me about going and I didn't really want to discuss it because I don't want to discuss his parents with him because he doesn't understand and sometimes he tries but he really doesn't get it and I am supposed to be going to work this weekend and they have to come around and sit and Friday as well. I so hope my brother is coming next week so he can sit for us! and when I finish work they are not babysitting again! (she says but of course they will probably have to when I go into hospital to have bubba2)
so i really haven't calmed down that much but I just didn't need it. D thinks I should be grateful less work for me to do but I don't see him putting the laundry away or folding it in a hurry! So I still have to deal with it!
So so very mad!
Part of me doesn't care if D reads this or not because then he can find out just how really mad I am!!
I am so pissed off!!!
I don't ever ever want D's parents in my house unsupervised again! How dare they! I don't trust them with Alexander! I don't trust them to respect my privacy!
I hate how they have to know every cm of our lives! I hate how D consults with them and tells them stuff! I so friggin' don't want them around!
Where to start....?
D went away today, left early this morning, back about midnight to go inspect a property. And because I am working we had to get the in-laws in to watch Alexander.
So did not have a really good day today, got told off by someone at work who I trusted for something I hadn't done that she was accusing me of and she found out later that it was true and I didn't really need to be snapped at, then she got annoyed at me later today. Yes we are all stressed and she's tired but I really feel hurt about how she jumped down my throat.
As I was driving home I was thinking about what I told the midwife yesterday how lonely I feel. I feel cut off from all my support networks. I'm too tired to go to church and when I do I just spend it running around after Alexander so I don't feel I get any benefit from going because I barely get to hear the sermon or socialise with anyone so I might as well stay home where I can lie on the floor or couch and have Alexander climb all over me. I don't get to go to my mother's group or to the ABA or see my friends and I barely see my husband and when I do one or both of us is tired.
And all I could think when driving home is coming home to my baby and eventually my husband coming home. And I want to come home to my house where I feel safe and secure and perhaps all the stress can go away because there is so much pressure at work at the moment.
So I deal with my in-laws and grit my teeth every time my mil tells me about how to care for my son (ie when he will need to go to bed and how he didn't go down for his nap and I didn't delve too deeply into how they settled him to eventually go to sleep because I am tired of being told off by D that I am too negative to them and I always critique them and put them down and I try so hard)
ANyway every part of the house I go into I can see that she has been interfering and moving stuff and changing stuff around but I just grit my teeth. I can't complain to D because he says we're busy and she's trying to help but he's at home but then looks at me like I am mad when I say I couldn't get anything done on the weekend with Alexander and just being so exhausted but it is not as if he is getting a heap done but he makes sure I know it when he does it!
But then I find she's been in my room and bathroom and that's just not on!
When I first went back to work and wasn't coping she went into our room and moved stuff around and I got really upset and D supposedly told her not to go in there.
I don't like her doing our laundry, I can cope with her doing the dishes (sometimes... barely) and the weeding but I don't want her doing our laundry. So one day I asked her not to do it and she did it anyway and even if I wash everything and perhaps leave 1 or 2 things at the bottom of the laundry basket she will wash that so last time she came over I put the laundry basket in our room and today I did the same. Well she went into our room and took the laundry out and washed it and moved stuff around in the bathroom and just it was all WRONG! Things out of place!!!! That's my place, my stuff, my area and she just goes in there. I am sure in her tiny fricken head that its alright because she's trying to help or D or his dad will say that's how she is, she can't help herself. Well that's no excuse!!!
I'm sorry - what part of a closed door don't you understand?!?!!?? no wonder Alexander couldn't sleep if you were running the washing machine or cleaning while he was settling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want her here ever again if she can't understand respect!
D wants to go out for dinner Friday night and have them babysit and he rang up and was trying to pressure me about going and I didn't really want to discuss it because I don't want to discuss his parents with him because he doesn't understand and sometimes he tries but he really doesn't get it and I am supposed to be going to work this weekend and they have to come around and sit and Friday as well. I so hope my brother is coming next week so he can sit for us! and when I finish work they are not babysitting again! (she says but of course they will probably have to when I go into hospital to have bubba2)
so i really haven't calmed down that much but I just didn't need it. D thinks I should be grateful less work for me to do but I don't see him putting the laundry away or folding it in a hurry! So I still have to deal with it!