(no subject)
ok. i realise that majority of you will not care about this, considering we probably haven't been on closest terms the past...however long. i don't know how we managed to drift apart. i'm sorry about that. this isnt about that.
i just need somewhere to post this and to have my anger heard. i won't use names. these things aren't as secure as i like them. but i'm sick of people being inconsiderate fucks. (ok. larissa. you don't need to read this. you get enough of it from me at school). why can't someone for once, have the common courtesy to reply when i talk to them, to make an effort when i do, to not completely ignore me, and send me completely conflicting signals! i understand people are busy. i do. but telling me they are busy takes all of 5 seconds. "im busy". it isn't that hard. look. it didn't even take 5 seconds!
if they think i'm a stalker, or are scared of me, or think of running in the opposite direction whenever they see me, why attempt to make it work in the first place, and then just give up when its actualy going somewhere? when i actually start to care back? i feel like im hitting dead ends everywhere, like everything i do is not actually making any difference. it makes you wonder, if i disappeared, how long would it take for them to notice? (and i mean that in a normal stopped talknig to them way, not weird emo and sucidal. come on people) ...would they notice? or would they just remember me as the girl they knew for a while and suddenly disappeared? i know they see me. i know they know when i try to contact them. they ACT like its good when i get there (eventually) its getting somewhere. but then why do i get nothing back? why must people be so fucking inconsiderate? think about someone else for a change?
i am robably overreacting, but my anger increases every time something little happens, something even insignificant. for example, finding out they read a msg ages ago but never replied to it. thats wha triggered this. i know. im being unreasonable. but its like clutching at straws. im trying to find some grip of sanity, but i just dont see it. evey once in a while, someone will come along and lift me up, tell me something that will give me that bit to keep going. hell, i can live off that energy for ages. optimism...is feeling like it isn't a part of me anymore. where did it go? and where did the love go? it used to be there. maybe i threw it away. took it for granted. maybe this is karmas way of saying fuck you. maybe.
i stayed up all of last night, completely pissed off, because people refuse to care. even just that slightest bit. id be happy just KNOWING i'm a normal person, that there are people who care, and who want to stick around. that like me. you know what? ive rethought it. the conversation i will be having very soon. with unnamed person. it will go something along the line sof what the fuck is wrong with me? i need to know if imbeing paranoid, or if i am actually right here. i want to know my falts. maybe then i can fix them. jesus. i hink im the emotional fuck up here. i will look bck on this and laugh. iknow i will. butright now, i am jus too damn pissed.
i could write more. but i should be studying. i might eventually sit down, cry a lot, and then bound into school tomorrow happy as anything. but i know im right. i know thats not going to happen. i know that next tuesday you willn ot be seeing a happiest person int he world ewa...you will be seeing an emotional "i knew it" ewa. i pray it doesnt turn out like that. but i vry much doubt it wont....i was jus not made to be liked by some people.
i just need somewhere to post this and to have my anger heard. i won't use names. these things aren't as secure as i like them. but i'm sick of people being inconsiderate fucks. (ok. larissa. you don't need to read this. you get enough of it from me at school). why can't someone for once, have the common courtesy to reply when i talk to them, to make an effort when i do, to not completely ignore me, and send me completely conflicting signals! i understand people are busy. i do. but telling me they are busy takes all of 5 seconds. "im busy". it isn't that hard. look. it didn't even take 5 seconds!
if they think i'm a stalker, or are scared of me, or think of running in the opposite direction whenever they see me, why attempt to make it work in the first place, and then just give up when its actualy going somewhere? when i actually start to care back? i feel like im hitting dead ends everywhere, like everything i do is not actually making any difference. it makes you wonder, if i disappeared, how long would it take for them to notice? (and i mean that in a normal stopped talknig to them way, not weird emo and sucidal. come on people) ...would they notice? or would they just remember me as the girl they knew for a while and suddenly disappeared? i know they see me. i know they know when i try to contact them. they ACT like its good when i get there (eventually) its getting somewhere. but then why do i get nothing back? why must people be so fucking inconsiderate? think about someone else for a change?
i am robably overreacting, but my anger increases every time something little happens, something even insignificant. for example, finding out they read a msg ages ago but never replied to it. thats wha triggered this. i know. im being unreasonable. but its like clutching at straws. im trying to find some grip of sanity, but i just dont see it. evey once in a while, someone will come along and lift me up, tell me something that will give me that bit to keep going. hell, i can live off that energy for ages. optimism...is feeling like it isn't a part of me anymore. where did it go? and where did the love go? it used to be there. maybe i threw it away. took it for granted. maybe this is karmas way of saying fuck you. maybe.
i stayed up all of last night, completely pissed off, because people refuse to care. even just that slightest bit. id be happy just KNOWING i'm a normal person, that there are people who care, and who want to stick around. that like me. you know what? ive rethought it. the conversation i will be having very soon. with unnamed person. it will go something along the line sof what the fuck is wrong with me? i need to know if imbeing paranoid, or if i am actually right here. i want to know my falts. maybe then i can fix them. jesus. i hink im the emotional fuck up here. i will look bck on this and laugh. iknow i will. butright now, i am jus too damn pissed.
i could write more. but i should be studying. i might eventually sit down, cry a lot, and then bound into school tomorrow happy as anything. but i know im right. i know thats not going to happen. i know that next tuesday you willn ot be seeing a happiest person int he world ewa...you will be seeing an emotional "i knew it" ewa. i pray it doesnt turn out like that. but i vry much doubt it wont....i was jus not made to be liked by some people.