long time, no talk...
ok so i dropped out of treatment about 2 weeks ago, they were nig nogs and did not want to work with me on my meal plan or anything. they told me i either had to eat meat or i probably should just leave if i wasn't going to do that. i told them i was a vegetarian and they didn't want to try and make any accomodations for me, so i left. i am going back to work next tuesday so that should be ok, at least i'll be doing something now instead of sitting at home all day drinking b/p'ing and drinking ipecac =O
my car is finally fixed!! my dad finally took it out to get the new rim put on, because the old one was dented because i ran over a construction sign OOPS! my signal lights work now too because they had burnt out. my engine is not overheating anymore and making my car stall and not start back up, so all is good in the wheels department.
last night i watched an ed's documentary called perfect illusions, it was really good it featured 4 girls (one of which was marya hornbacher) and their parents. 3 of them were bulimic and 1 was anorexic but she had died so her parents spoke for her and read parts of her journal. anyhow, i watched it with my mom and i wanted her to tell me that she would do anything to help me with my ed after we finished watching it...but she didn't =/ while we were watching it she laughed because one of the girl's parents had spent $146,000 on inpatient treatment for her. my mom was like "you'd have to shoot me before i spent that much money" ughhh i was so mad i was like ok, either my mom doesn't think i am sick or she doesn't care if i die, or all of the above. maybe she thinks im not gonna die who knows...anyhow it was over and all she said was "that was interesting, im going to bed" and i was like "that is all you think?" she was like "well what else do you want me to say" RARR! ohh well....so later on i went to the store with her bank card and spent $17 on binge food to get back at her =D lmfao. oh well, i know that is bad but that is what i do to make a point. anyhow, im over it, she'll probably never understand ed's or me.
its friday night and surprisingly enough im not going to money pennies LOL. im going to stay home and watch some movies with my mom i think. i wanted to rent freeway 2: diary of a trickbaby, but none of the movie stores carry it! so i dont know what movie(s) to rent now im not sure what is out and shit.
my life pretty much sucks right now, maybe it will get better when i go back to work. i am on 150mg of zoloft and it just doesn't seem to be doing that much. i dont know i mean b/p'ing probably doesn't help but its like I CAN'T JUST STOP! i dont know what to do, ive been on so many anti depressants already im ready to just stop taking them all together. anyhow nothing much else to say...ill write more later or some shit.
my car is finally fixed!! my dad finally took it out to get the new rim put on, because the old one was dented because i ran over a construction sign OOPS! my signal lights work now too because they had burnt out. my engine is not overheating anymore and making my car stall and not start back up, so all is good in the wheels department.
last night i watched an ed's documentary called perfect illusions, it was really good it featured 4 girls (one of which was marya hornbacher) and their parents. 3 of them were bulimic and 1 was anorexic but she had died so her parents spoke for her and read parts of her journal. anyhow, i watched it with my mom and i wanted her to tell me that she would do anything to help me with my ed after we finished watching it...but she didn't =/ while we were watching it she laughed because one of the girl's parents had spent $146,000 on inpatient treatment for her. my mom was like "you'd have to shoot me before i spent that much money" ughhh i was so mad i was like ok, either my mom doesn't think i am sick or she doesn't care if i die, or all of the above. maybe she thinks im not gonna die who knows...anyhow it was over and all she said was "that was interesting, im going to bed" and i was like "that is all you think?" she was like "well what else do you want me to say" RARR! ohh well....so later on i went to the store with her bank card and spent $17 on binge food to get back at her =D lmfao. oh well, i know that is bad but that is what i do to make a point. anyhow, im over it, she'll probably never understand ed's or me.
its friday night and surprisingly enough im not going to money pennies LOL. im going to stay home and watch some movies with my mom i think. i wanted to rent freeway 2: diary of a trickbaby, but none of the movie stores carry it! so i dont know what movie(s) to rent now im not sure what is out and shit.
my life pretty much sucks right now, maybe it will get better when i go back to work. i am on 150mg of zoloft and it just doesn't seem to be doing that much. i dont know i mean b/p'ing probably doesn't help but its like I CAN'T JUST STOP! i dont know what to do, ive been on so many anti depressants already im ready to just stop taking them all together. anyhow nothing much else to say...ill write more later or some shit.