finally... i wrote again...
Title: Different on the outside
Rating: mild NC-17
Pairing: Benji/Joel (implied Benji/Billy)
Summary: The three of us go to the bus stop together laughing and joking the whole way there but as soon as the corner comes into sight you walk away not wanting to be seen with freaks. For being so similar, for being twins we’re so different.
Notes~ yes I know they weren’t like this in school and I know Billy didn’t go to school with them but that’s why it’s called fiction guys…
Do you know that I see you, I see the real you the person you try to hide from everyone. Like when you come home in the morning; at about 3, falling on Billy’s couch and passing out; literally. You look disgusted in yourself. Those are the times when I think you haven’t completely fell to them and their style. When you wake up in the morning and run your hand through your hair the look on your face says you don’t even know what you did the night before. Some nights you don’t come home, well to Billy’s house anyway. You know I thought everything would be better when we left home to crash at his house but it seems to have only gotten worse. I don’t sleep when your not here, I don’t know why but I can’t until I know you’re safe and not dead in some alley; until I know that you’re safe with me.
We go to school everyday, me hanging with Billy and people like us. You know ripped jeans and band shirts, guys that aren’t afraid of a little ink or a piercing chair, the kind of guys that aren’t scared to put on a little eyeliner. Yeah we’re the freaks as your friends would say, call us fags for wearing make up, punks for wearing chains and spikes, queers for hugging when we say hi. I'm tired of all the names you just generalize it; freak is just so much easier to say. It doesn’t really bother us, what bothers me is hearing it come from you.
The three of us go to the bus stop together laughing and joking the whole way there but as soon as the corner comes into sight you walk away not wanting to be seen with freaks. For being so similar, for being twins we’re so different. You have clean washed jeans were mine are ripped and worn, your collared polo shirts clashing with my mine always black with contrasting logos. Your hair neat and black, so normal even if it’s dyed when next to my constantly changing colored mohalk, its spotted leopard this week. The coal eye liner outlining my brown eyes, sometimes even streaked or eye shadowed if Billy bothers me enough. I look so weird next to your clean body just accentuated with a spray or two of cologne. You would never think we were brothers let alone twins, you would never guess that outside the glass box of school we were almost friends.
You got straight A’s maybe a high B if you had a bad day, while I was plagued with failing grades and C’s and D’s if I was lucky. You made honor roll and the football team while I was toeing the line of being expelled.
Once we got to school you would run off with your friends in matching letterman’s jackets, sticking up your noses and rolling your eyes at all the people that you thought weren’t as good as you. I was one of those people. Those people you and the rest of the jocks stuck your noses up at and refused to look in the eye, like we were dogs.
No one believed we were related let alone twins. But that’s only because they never saw it, they never saw the way we looked at each other when something went wrong, or how you used to crawl into my bed when dad was yelling down stairs. They’ll never know about how we snuck out the window with all the stuff we owned in a few backpacks and ran away together. I wonder what they would think if they saw you on the nights Billy and I convinced you to go to a show with us and dressed you up in a little eyeliner and one of my old shirts. You looked like the Joel I knew those nights, that letterman’s jacket made you like a little boy playing dress up, you knowing like you went through your fathers stuff and put it on in the mirror-it just wasn’t you.
Billy and the guys laughed at me because I used to go to your games. Never in the bleachers I would stand behind them pretending I was doing something else but the guys all knew I was only there for you. I would watch you running down the field in your blue jersey. Sometimes you would glance over at me I don’t think you saw me I think it was that you could just sense me.
I remember when after a game the football team came out of the locker room, all the matching jackets and matching scowls, you guys walked right out behind the school; our territory. See that’s where you hung out, you guys had the whole school to run and be king over. We had the area behind, a place dirty and disgusting but it fit us perfectly. It was just a place to hang, smoke, go when we had off; or took off just, and a place for when we weren’t in class. I saw hesitance in your eyes as the two groups got closer. It reminded me of a war; the kind that would never end, just go on forever putting us against each other. Like the Westside Story where all the two people wanted was to be together but they were on different sides, or even Romeo and Juliet were the rivalry kept them apart.
As they got closer and the tension could be felt in the air. They lined up; the jocks behind their king, the quarterback, and the “freaks” behind me. I don’t know why they chose me; I think they were trying to test my loyalty, to see if I would side with them even against you. We stood there coal lined eyes starring into the pampered crystal orbs your king held. He struck first a punch to the side of my face, then my black chips nails curled and struck his stomach. By then it was to far gone to take back, and the fight didn’t last long. We reclaimed our territory; they put us against each other. I don’t think they would fight half as much if it wasn’t for us, they wanted to see where we stood and we showed them we were as loyal to our colors as they were.
That night you were home early. Your eye was blackened and my jaw was sore. As you looked into my eyes I saw the real you, I saw deep in your chocolate eyes an apology. Before you could open your mouth I said it was ok, and leaned in letting my pierced lips meet your pampered ones. I don’t think you ever kissed a guy before; let alone your brother.
I went to pull away embarrassed of what I had done but you put your hands in my hair and held me there. Grabbing my hand you pulled me to the room we shared, throwing me on the bed and straddling my torso. You had me pinned and your wandering hands found there way under my shirt. I shivered at the contact of your ice hands burning into me. At first I was scared, I wasn’t sure if you were joking, I wasn’t sure that your weren’t about to hurt me for kissing you. You didn’t laugh at me; in fact you slipped my shirt from my body and I soon felt your mouth latch on to my collar bone leaving deep purple marks and little red imprints of teeth; I was yours.
Letting my head fall back to the pillow and my eyes drop closed; your warm mouth engulfed my pale nipple running your tongue over the sensitive bud, teeth pulling at the silver hoop Billy had put in it about a year ago. Pulling slightly at the silver I whimpered a slight moan; opened my eyes to look at you, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw your face hovering above mine.
Leaning up and capturing your lips with mine, pulling us once again closer. You got off the bed slowly striping your clothes, jersey,
wifebeater, pants, boxers-all I could do was stare. You got on the bed once again spreading my legs and positioning your self in between them; you undid my belt and slid it out of the loops. Slowly you leaned down and undid my pants with your teeth-I never knew you were this talented, I never knew you went this way. My pants were gone and my boxers soon followed.
Gasping I felt your warm mouth over me, your tongue moving over the head, your teeth grazing over the underside. I was withering beneath you. You could have asked for anything right then and I would have said yes just to get you to go faster. Moving up and down my shaft slowly, I bucked my hips up into you and I felt myself hit the back of your throat. Entwining my hands in your hair I pushed you faster till I felt myself explode into your mouth. You pulled off me and smiled, kissing your way back up to my mouth and slipping your tongue inside.
I felt you against my opening, as you were still between my legs; you whispered “Can I?” Your voice feather soft and I nodded, “do you have anything I can use?” I shook my head and saw your eyes drop in disappointment
”do it anyway.” I whispered into your ear.
”are you sure?” you questioned your eyes showing your hesitance at the thought of hurting me again, I nodded. You slipped your hand in between us putting two fingers to my lips, “suck on them baby.” And I did lapping my tongue around your football callused fingers and at the sensitive webbing in-between. You pulled away and I felt the same two fingers slip inside me scissoring them and stretching my insides I winced a little and saw your face grow with concern. I hadn’t done this for while, Billy and I used to and we still do every once in a while. It’s why he originally let us stay but the more you were around the harder it was for us to sneak around.
You leaned down and kissed me as your fingers still worked at my insides coating them with my own saliva. Soon you replaced your fingers with your erection slowly pushing inside of me inching your way until I couldn’t take anymore of you. I was tense around you and holding back yelps as I felt my insides tear from the dry entry. You stayed like that a while kissing my neck and sitting inside me then you slowly started moving a slow rhythm at first, then harder and deeper, hitting that spot inside me that you had been searching for that made me scream out in ecstasy. I felt you release your self inside me, coating my insides with your essence, as I did the same over my stomach, each moaning each others names.
You looked me in the eye and held up a needle and a silver hoop, pushing them into my hand you looked down at my nipple ring and I understood. Switching places putting me on top of you I leaned down running my tongue over your right nipple soothing it before placing the needle to your skin, I looked at your face making sure you wanted me to do this and you nodded and closed your eyes tightly. I pushed the needle through the small bud letting it sit there for a minute kissing you to muffle your cry. Pulling out the needle and quickly replacing it with the silver hoop and snapping the ball into place. I licked your tears away and admired my work as the silver shown out against your skin.
The next morning when I woke up your jersey was still on the floor and you were getting dressed in the other room for school. I pulled your jersey over my head before putting a sex pistol shirt over i. Through the holes in the worn band shirt you could see the blue of the jersey but no one would guess that, that’s what it was. We walked to the bus stop like we do every morning; the indent from the ring showing through your shirt and smiled to myself thinking that’s mine. When you walked away like you do every morning I tugged at the light jersey and I saw you smile knowing I was wearing it. Billy saw it too, he knew what happened last night, I know he did. He asked “So you guys work everything out last night?”
I looked over at you walking away and fading in with the other chosen ones “yeah I guess we did.” I answered, and smiled because the world would never know how close we actually were. I had a little bit of your costume on and you were sporting a little silver, and I thought to myself maybe it was meant to be like this- we face the world on to different sides but behind closed doors the sides changed. We might not win the battles but we’ll win the war.
Rating: mild NC-17
Pairing: Benji/Joel (implied Benji/Billy)
Summary: The three of us go to the bus stop together laughing and joking the whole way there but as soon as the corner comes into sight you walk away not wanting to be seen with freaks. For being so similar, for being twins we’re so different.
Notes~ yes I know they weren’t like this in school and I know Billy didn’t go to school with them but that’s why it’s called fiction guys…
Do you know that I see you, I see the real you the person you try to hide from everyone. Like when you come home in the morning; at about 3, falling on Billy’s couch and passing out; literally. You look disgusted in yourself. Those are the times when I think you haven’t completely fell to them and their style. When you wake up in the morning and run your hand through your hair the look on your face says you don’t even know what you did the night before. Some nights you don’t come home, well to Billy’s house anyway. You know I thought everything would be better when we left home to crash at his house but it seems to have only gotten worse. I don’t sleep when your not here, I don’t know why but I can’t until I know you’re safe and not dead in some alley; until I know that you’re safe with me.
We go to school everyday, me hanging with Billy and people like us. You know ripped jeans and band shirts, guys that aren’t afraid of a little ink or a piercing chair, the kind of guys that aren’t scared to put on a little eyeliner. Yeah we’re the freaks as your friends would say, call us fags for wearing make up, punks for wearing chains and spikes, queers for hugging when we say hi. I'm tired of all the names you just generalize it; freak is just so much easier to say. It doesn’t really bother us, what bothers me is hearing it come from you.
The three of us go to the bus stop together laughing and joking the whole way there but as soon as the corner comes into sight you walk away not wanting to be seen with freaks. For being so similar, for being twins we’re so different. You have clean washed jeans were mine are ripped and worn, your collared polo shirts clashing with my mine always black with contrasting logos. Your hair neat and black, so normal even if it’s dyed when next to my constantly changing colored mohalk, its spotted leopard this week. The coal eye liner outlining my brown eyes, sometimes even streaked or eye shadowed if Billy bothers me enough. I look so weird next to your clean body just accentuated with a spray or two of cologne. You would never think we were brothers let alone twins, you would never guess that outside the glass box of school we were almost friends.
You got straight A’s maybe a high B if you had a bad day, while I was plagued with failing grades and C’s and D’s if I was lucky. You made honor roll and the football team while I was toeing the line of being expelled.
Once we got to school you would run off with your friends in matching letterman’s jackets, sticking up your noses and rolling your eyes at all the people that you thought weren’t as good as you. I was one of those people. Those people you and the rest of the jocks stuck your noses up at and refused to look in the eye, like we were dogs.
No one believed we were related let alone twins. But that’s only because they never saw it, they never saw the way we looked at each other when something went wrong, or how you used to crawl into my bed when dad was yelling down stairs. They’ll never know about how we snuck out the window with all the stuff we owned in a few backpacks and ran away together. I wonder what they would think if they saw you on the nights Billy and I convinced you to go to a show with us and dressed you up in a little eyeliner and one of my old shirts. You looked like the Joel I knew those nights, that letterman’s jacket made you like a little boy playing dress up, you knowing like you went through your fathers stuff and put it on in the mirror-it just wasn’t you.
Billy and the guys laughed at me because I used to go to your games. Never in the bleachers I would stand behind them pretending I was doing something else but the guys all knew I was only there for you. I would watch you running down the field in your blue jersey. Sometimes you would glance over at me I don’t think you saw me I think it was that you could just sense me.
I remember when after a game the football team came out of the locker room, all the matching jackets and matching scowls, you guys walked right out behind the school; our territory. See that’s where you hung out, you guys had the whole school to run and be king over. We had the area behind, a place dirty and disgusting but it fit us perfectly. It was just a place to hang, smoke, go when we had off; or took off just, and a place for when we weren’t in class. I saw hesitance in your eyes as the two groups got closer. It reminded me of a war; the kind that would never end, just go on forever putting us against each other. Like the Westside Story where all the two people wanted was to be together but they were on different sides, or even Romeo and Juliet were the rivalry kept them apart.
As they got closer and the tension could be felt in the air. They lined up; the jocks behind their king, the quarterback, and the “freaks” behind me. I don’t know why they chose me; I think they were trying to test my loyalty, to see if I would side with them even against you. We stood there coal lined eyes starring into the pampered crystal orbs your king held. He struck first a punch to the side of my face, then my black chips nails curled and struck his stomach. By then it was to far gone to take back, and the fight didn’t last long. We reclaimed our territory; they put us against each other. I don’t think they would fight half as much if it wasn’t for us, they wanted to see where we stood and we showed them we were as loyal to our colors as they were.
That night you were home early. Your eye was blackened and my jaw was sore. As you looked into my eyes I saw the real you, I saw deep in your chocolate eyes an apology. Before you could open your mouth I said it was ok, and leaned in letting my pierced lips meet your pampered ones. I don’t think you ever kissed a guy before; let alone your brother.
I went to pull away embarrassed of what I had done but you put your hands in my hair and held me there. Grabbing my hand you pulled me to the room we shared, throwing me on the bed and straddling my torso. You had me pinned and your wandering hands found there way under my shirt. I shivered at the contact of your ice hands burning into me. At first I was scared, I wasn’t sure if you were joking, I wasn’t sure that your weren’t about to hurt me for kissing you. You didn’t laugh at me; in fact you slipped my shirt from my body and I soon felt your mouth latch on to my collar bone leaving deep purple marks and little red imprints of teeth; I was yours.
Letting my head fall back to the pillow and my eyes drop closed; your warm mouth engulfed my pale nipple running your tongue over the sensitive bud, teeth pulling at the silver hoop Billy had put in it about a year ago. Pulling slightly at the silver I whimpered a slight moan; opened my eyes to look at you, I couldn’t help but smile as I saw your face hovering above mine.
Leaning up and capturing your lips with mine, pulling us once again closer. You got off the bed slowly striping your clothes, jersey,
wifebeater, pants, boxers-all I could do was stare. You got on the bed once again spreading my legs and positioning your self in between them; you undid my belt and slid it out of the loops. Slowly you leaned down and undid my pants with your teeth-I never knew you were this talented, I never knew you went this way. My pants were gone and my boxers soon followed.
Gasping I felt your warm mouth over me, your tongue moving over the head, your teeth grazing over the underside. I was withering beneath you. You could have asked for anything right then and I would have said yes just to get you to go faster. Moving up and down my shaft slowly, I bucked my hips up into you and I felt myself hit the back of your throat. Entwining my hands in your hair I pushed you faster till I felt myself explode into your mouth. You pulled off me and smiled, kissing your way back up to my mouth and slipping your tongue inside.
I felt you against my opening, as you were still between my legs; you whispered “Can I?” Your voice feather soft and I nodded, “do you have anything I can use?” I shook my head and saw your eyes drop in disappointment
”do it anyway.” I whispered into your ear.
”are you sure?” you questioned your eyes showing your hesitance at the thought of hurting me again, I nodded. You slipped your hand in between us putting two fingers to my lips, “suck on them baby.” And I did lapping my tongue around your football callused fingers and at the sensitive webbing in-between. You pulled away and I felt the same two fingers slip inside me scissoring them and stretching my insides I winced a little and saw your face grow with concern. I hadn’t done this for while, Billy and I used to and we still do every once in a while. It’s why he originally let us stay but the more you were around the harder it was for us to sneak around.
You leaned down and kissed me as your fingers still worked at my insides coating them with my own saliva. Soon you replaced your fingers with your erection slowly pushing inside of me inching your way until I couldn’t take anymore of you. I was tense around you and holding back yelps as I felt my insides tear from the dry entry. You stayed like that a while kissing my neck and sitting inside me then you slowly started moving a slow rhythm at first, then harder and deeper, hitting that spot inside me that you had been searching for that made me scream out in ecstasy. I felt you release your self inside me, coating my insides with your essence, as I did the same over my stomach, each moaning each others names.
You looked me in the eye and held up a needle and a silver hoop, pushing them into my hand you looked down at my nipple ring and I understood. Switching places putting me on top of you I leaned down running my tongue over your right nipple soothing it before placing the needle to your skin, I looked at your face making sure you wanted me to do this and you nodded and closed your eyes tightly. I pushed the needle through the small bud letting it sit there for a minute kissing you to muffle your cry. Pulling out the needle and quickly replacing it with the silver hoop and snapping the ball into place. I licked your tears away and admired my work as the silver shown out against your skin.
The next morning when I woke up your jersey was still on the floor and you were getting dressed in the other room for school. I pulled your jersey over my head before putting a sex pistol shirt over i. Through the holes in the worn band shirt you could see the blue of the jersey but no one would guess that, that’s what it was. We walked to the bus stop like we do every morning; the indent from the ring showing through your shirt and smiled to myself thinking that’s mine. When you walked away like you do every morning I tugged at the light jersey and I saw you smile knowing I was wearing it. Billy saw it too, he knew what happened last night, I know he did. He asked “So you guys work everything out last night?”
I looked over at you walking away and fading in with the other chosen ones “yeah I guess we did.” I answered, and smiled because the world would never know how close we actually were. I had a little bit of your costume on and you were sporting a little silver, and I thought to myself maybe it was meant to be like this- we face the world on to different sides but behind closed doors the sides changed. We might not win the battles but we’ll win the war.