without it all I'm choking on nothing
Title, Innocence Lost (chapter 15)
Rating, R
Fandom, GC/Mest
Pairings, Tony/Benji, Billy/Quinn it is twincentric but no twincest….
summary, Something happened between Benji and Joel that has send Benji into a depressive cycle that he won't even let Tony into but what ever happened in the first place? And how can it be fixed?
*New chapter 15 up now… the rest are here too,
thanks to joelymoely For beta’ing, and just because i love her.
Chapter 1 \\Chapter 2 \\Chapter 3 \\Chapter 4 \\Chapter 5 \\Chapter 6\\Chapter 7\\Chapter 8\\Chapter 9\\Chapter 10\\Chapter 11//Chapter 12\\chapter 13//Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Tony didn’t come back in the room, and Paul and Joel were drawing up plans for what to do to Benji’s future. Paul was on his cell phone with South Oaks, and Tony was scowling at him. The look on his face said it all, "Don’t you dare take him away from me," expressed in his eyes. He wanted nothing more then to tell Paul to shove it up his ass and that he was taking Benji home with him, where he belongs. But after Benji’s out burst in the hospital room, he knew he would just be overruled.
"Yes… that’s right Benjamin Madden, with 2 D’s. Okay we’ll come by at 4, okay thank you, see you then." Paul spoke into the phone, only half the conversation could be heard but Tony got the jest of it. Turning to Tony and Joel, "They say we can come see the facility at 4, and we can get him transferred there for recovery."
"I don’t want him getting transferred there ever, do you understand that, ever!" Tony yelled.
"He tried to fucking attack me and you still don’t think he needs help!" Joel snapped back.
"Like you never tried to hurt him, he told me all the shit you’ve done. I fucking saw you burning him that morning. I am sure that wasn’t an unprovoked attack, you fucking jackass." Joel and Tony were both standing by now and judging by the looks on their faces they were the ones ready to attack.
Paul jumped in between them, "Calm down both of you! This isn’t about who attacked who, or even who doesn’t want to leave their boyfriend. This is about Benji getting better; this is about what’s best for him, not what’s best for us. You think I am not going to miss him; we haven’t missed our Saturday morning movie for as long as I can remember, or when he wanted me to show him how to play bass, or just taking Cash for a walk. I am going to miss him more then you understand, but I would rather lose him for a month or two because he goes somewhere to get better, then lose him forever, because next time someone might not wake up to find him. So stop being so selfish and think about Benji, and what’s best for him." When Paul finished his speech he was crying, something he hadn’t done since this all started.
"God Paul I am sorry," Tony began, "I don’t know what do anymore, I want to help him I want him to get better believe me I do, but I don’t think he can do it without me, and I sure as hell don’t think I can go without him."
"And that’s why they let you visit, we can make them a deal one week alone instead of two if you think that will be better, but he needs to go, we need to get him back." Paul walked over and put his arm on Tony’s shoulders, "Don’t you want things back to the way they were?"
"Of course I do! I want to do what is right for him, but what if he doesn’t like it? What if it doesn’t work?" Tony cried into Paul’s shoulder.
"If it doesn’t work then we find another place, and if that doesn’t work we try again, and we will keep trying till he gets better." His voice was soothing and calm "and he will get better… I promise."
"Ok I am not promising that I am going through with this, but I’ll go with you to South Oaks to check it out." Tony said, voice soft, and then he turned to Joel, "I am sorry about what I said, if we’re going to help him we can’t be at each others throats now can we?" he held out his hand to Joel.
Joel shifted his weight nervously. "Yeah, if we’re going to help Benji." He replied, mentally crossing his fingers, and shaking Tony’s hand.
Billy sat inside the hospital room, he had a stool pulled up next to the bed and his fingers interlaced with Benji’s the best he could. Benji still wasn’t looking at him. "Benji come on I am here, I am listening, and I’m going to believe you, tell me."
He still didn’t turn around but in a barely audible voice he said, "Take them off me."
"What?"
"The restraints, take them off me." Benji repeated.
"Benji, I can’t I’ll get in trouble." Billy replied, he wanted to take them off but he knew Joel would be mad. He already thought Benji was getting off easy for attacking him, not to mention the doctors and Paul.
"You said you were going to believe me. You said that, so believe me I don’t need them, I am not going to do anything; I am not going to attack you, I am not going to try to kill myself here. I never tried to kill myself."
"Okay, I’ll take them off but you can’t do anything. I don’t want to get in trouble for this." That’s the last thing he said before he moved over to the first wrist and undid the buckle on top of the restraint, as soon as if was off Benji reached up and undid the others. Sitting up and rubbing at his wrist where the heavy plastic left red marks. "Thanks Billy."
"You’re welcome; now tell me what’s going on. We don’t have much time; Paul is on the phone with some psyche hospital talking about when they can get you admitted." Billy spoke fast, knowing that sooner or later someone was going to come in and tell them to get Benji back in the bed.
"I have something I need to clear up first." Benji stated, moving towards the door.
As he went to walk out Billy jumped up and grabbed his arm holding him back. "You can’t go out there; we’ll just get in trouble for you being out of those god dammed things. Besides you said you wouldn’t do anything."
Benji pulled his arm out of Billy’s grasp, "No I said I wouldn’t attack you, or try to kill myself; I never said anything about not hurting Joel."
Billy jumped in front of the door, "You’re not going out there. I put myself on the line and let you out; if you go out there you’re getting me in trouble. Can’t you just tell me what the fuck’s going on? I know you didn’t do it! Or at least I know you didn’t type the goddamned note, tell me what happened and we can clear all this shit up. If you walk out that door you may be losing the trust of the only person willing to believe you at the moment, or even listen to you for that matter."
"Billy, you know the truth, just think about it. I am really sorry but this is something I have to do." He pushed Billy away from the door and pushed it open.
"Benji, what the fuck are you doing out of that bed." Tony yelled, when he saw Benji storming towards them. "Billy?..."
Benji didn’t stop to talk, he just walked over and stood in front of Joel, he looked at him for a minute, and right as Joel opened his mouth to say something Benji punched him in the jaw and heard the sickening sound of his fist on Joel.
Joel stumbled back a few steps, and put his hand the side of his face. As he pulled his hand away and saw drops of blood forming at the corner of his mouth, "You fucker" he growled as he ran forward, punching his brother square in the stomach.
The fight went on like that for a while. People kept trying to break it up but that only landed them with a punch or a kick, whenever they tried to get in between the fighting men.
Eventually Joel pinned Benji on the ground holding his hands above his head, he looked down on his brother and smiled whispering, "You never learn do you?" just loud enough for Benji to hear.
The doctors and nurses that had gathered around the two men decided to jump in, and Benji soon felt himself being lifted off the floor from a few pairs of strong hands. They carried him to the bed, and held him down while someone else fitted the restraints back around his wrist and ankles tightly.
Benji was screaming, for them all to "Get the fuck off him" and bucking off the bed the best he could with his wrist and ankles being held down. One of the doctors yelled over the noise, "Mr. Madden if you don’t calm down we will be forced to sedate you again."
He stopped moving, but was mumbling things under his breath presumably cursing both Joel and the doctors. Again the doctor called attention to himself in the room crowded with both nurses, and the other 4 men. "Can someone tell me why he was out of his restraints in the first place? This is exactly the situation we were trying to avoid."
Billy stepped forward, "I am really sorry guys it was me. I didn’t expect that to happen"
"It’s ok Billy" Tony said lovingly.
"No it’s not ok. He was in those for a reason." The doctor began, "This better not happen again because next time he will be sedated, I don’t need my hospital to turn into a circus."
"You all know I am still here right? How about we stop acting like I am 4 fucking years old, and talk to me!" Benji yelled from his place on the bed.
The doctor turned to Benji, "Mr. Madden you have proven yourself to not have the ability to be treated like an adult, if you want to be treated like an adult or let out of those things anytime soon, I suggest you get your act together." The man replied, before turning back to the others. "Now I have a hospital to run, I don’t care how famous you are, there are other patients here that need to be cared for," is all he said before walking out of the room leaving them alone.
Paul looked at his watch, "Guys it’s almost 4 we have to get out of here if we want to meet the guys at South Oaks."
"Yeah you’re just going to leave me there to rot aren’t you? Just drop off the insane twin and let them deal with me." Benji was yelling from the bed.
Tony walked over the bed and stroked Benji’s hair and caressed his cheek until Benji had relaxed and was letting his face fall into Tony’s hand. "I am not going to leave you anywhere, ever. You have to know that Benji, I love you and I will forever."
"Don’t make me go there." Benji whispered
"It’s not up to me any more. I fought for you Benji, believe me I did, but I lost." At this point Tony was whispering to Benji just loud enough for Benji to hear, "But you listen to me I am not giving up, I’ll get you out of there, but you can’t give up either. We’ll win in the end, we have to. I just wish I knew what was going on."
Benji looked up at Tony, "You know the truth. You just don’t know you know it."
Paul called from behind, "Tony come on we have to go."
"I know the truth…" Tony whispered, more as a question.
"Just think about it." Benji whispered back
"Tony let’s get out of here!" Joel yelled from behind.
"No you’re not going anywhere Joel; you need to get stitches for that cut on your head." Paul retorted.
"I am not staying back here with him!" Joel called back. "I can get stitches there, it is a hospital or I’ll get them when I get back.”
"Fine you’re coming, but then who’s staying with Benji." Paul asked.
"No one has to stay, it’s not like I am going anywhere." Benji called, pulling at his restraints to make his point.
Paul rolled his eyes, "Fine, you want to stay alone, then you’ll stay alone. We’ll be back in an hour tops, be good." And he turned and walked out.
"You sure you don’t want someone to stay." Billy asked, and Benji just nodded, "Okay then see you soon." And Tony and Billy walked out, Tony throwing Benji a kiss as the door shut behind him.
Joel walked over to the edge of the bed, standing over Benji a perverse smile on his face. "Yeah Benji be good…" When his brother tried to turn away Joel put his hand on Benji’s jaw and turned his head to face him, "Now that wasn’t very nice."
"You’re not the one to talk about what’s nice." Benji growled back.
"Oh Benji, when are you going to understand this game? I make the rules, I hold the cards, and I always win. And the second you think you know the rules, I’ll change them; the second you think you’re winning I’ll send you back to start. I make the rules and I can change them just as easily." Joel quickly retorted.
"They’ll figure it out; you won’t get away with it, with any of it."
"I already have. Look around Benji you’re the one tied down to a bed, not me. They won’t figure it out. That’s just wishful thinking, and if they do they won’t be around long enough to do anything about it, I got rid of you didn’t I."
"I am still here." Benji replied.
"Not for long, they’re enrolling you in that nut house, and I’ll make sure you never get out. Faggots never win." Joel stared coldly into Benji’s eyes.
"Joel lets go we’re already late." A voice called from the hall.
"Coming." Joel called back. He looked down at Benji one last time, "Be good." And with that he was gone; he just turned his back on his brother and left to go to the place that might change Benji’s life forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah... i think i got carried away on this chapter, its way longer then i thought it would be... Umm yeah you people should go to the Ice Palace because it has the best fanfics ever... Well you know the Deal.. Love it? Hate it? comment please..
Rating, R
Fandom, GC/Mest
Pairings, Tony/Benji, Billy/Quinn it is twincentric but no twincest….
summary, Something happened between Benji and Joel that has send Benji into a depressive cycle that he won't even let Tony into but what ever happened in the first place? And how can it be fixed?
*New chapter 15 up now… the rest are here too,
thanks to joelymoely For beta’ing, and just because i love her.
Chapter 1 \\Chapter 2 \\Chapter 3 \\Chapter 4 \\Chapter 5 \\Chapter 6\\Chapter 7\\Chapter 8\\Chapter 9\\Chapter 10\\Chapter 11//Chapter 12\\chapter 13//Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Tony didn’t come back in the room, and Paul and Joel were drawing up plans for what to do to Benji’s future. Paul was on his cell phone with South Oaks, and Tony was scowling at him. The look on his face said it all, "Don’t you dare take him away from me," expressed in his eyes. He wanted nothing more then to tell Paul to shove it up his ass and that he was taking Benji home with him, where he belongs. But after Benji’s out burst in the hospital room, he knew he would just be overruled.
"Yes… that’s right Benjamin Madden, with 2 D’s. Okay we’ll come by at 4, okay thank you, see you then." Paul spoke into the phone, only half the conversation could be heard but Tony got the jest of it. Turning to Tony and Joel, "They say we can come see the facility at 4, and we can get him transferred there for recovery."
"I don’t want him getting transferred there ever, do you understand that, ever!" Tony yelled.
"He tried to fucking attack me and you still don’t think he needs help!" Joel snapped back.
"Like you never tried to hurt him, he told me all the shit you’ve done. I fucking saw you burning him that morning. I am sure that wasn’t an unprovoked attack, you fucking jackass." Joel and Tony were both standing by now and judging by the looks on their faces they were the ones ready to attack.
Paul jumped in between them, "Calm down both of you! This isn’t about who attacked who, or even who doesn’t want to leave their boyfriend. This is about Benji getting better; this is about what’s best for him, not what’s best for us. You think I am not going to miss him; we haven’t missed our Saturday morning movie for as long as I can remember, or when he wanted me to show him how to play bass, or just taking Cash for a walk. I am going to miss him more then you understand, but I would rather lose him for a month or two because he goes somewhere to get better, then lose him forever, because next time someone might not wake up to find him. So stop being so selfish and think about Benji, and what’s best for him." When Paul finished his speech he was crying, something he hadn’t done since this all started.
"God Paul I am sorry," Tony began, "I don’t know what do anymore, I want to help him I want him to get better believe me I do, but I don’t think he can do it without me, and I sure as hell don’t think I can go without him."
"And that’s why they let you visit, we can make them a deal one week alone instead of two if you think that will be better, but he needs to go, we need to get him back." Paul walked over and put his arm on Tony’s shoulders, "Don’t you want things back to the way they were?"
"Of course I do! I want to do what is right for him, but what if he doesn’t like it? What if it doesn’t work?" Tony cried into Paul’s shoulder.
"If it doesn’t work then we find another place, and if that doesn’t work we try again, and we will keep trying till he gets better." His voice was soothing and calm "and he will get better… I promise."
"Ok I am not promising that I am going through with this, but I’ll go with you to South Oaks to check it out." Tony said, voice soft, and then he turned to Joel, "I am sorry about what I said, if we’re going to help him we can’t be at each others throats now can we?" he held out his hand to Joel.
Joel shifted his weight nervously. "Yeah, if we’re going to help Benji." He replied, mentally crossing his fingers, and shaking Tony’s hand.
Billy sat inside the hospital room, he had a stool pulled up next to the bed and his fingers interlaced with Benji’s the best he could. Benji still wasn’t looking at him. "Benji come on I am here, I am listening, and I’m going to believe you, tell me."
He still didn’t turn around but in a barely audible voice he said, "Take them off me."
"What?"
"The restraints, take them off me." Benji repeated.
"Benji, I can’t I’ll get in trouble." Billy replied, he wanted to take them off but he knew Joel would be mad. He already thought Benji was getting off easy for attacking him, not to mention the doctors and Paul.
"You said you were going to believe me. You said that, so believe me I don’t need them, I am not going to do anything; I am not going to attack you, I am not going to try to kill myself here. I never tried to kill myself."
"Okay, I’ll take them off but you can’t do anything. I don’t want to get in trouble for this." That’s the last thing he said before he moved over to the first wrist and undid the buckle on top of the restraint, as soon as if was off Benji reached up and undid the others. Sitting up and rubbing at his wrist where the heavy plastic left red marks. "Thanks Billy."
"You’re welcome; now tell me what’s going on. We don’t have much time; Paul is on the phone with some psyche hospital talking about when they can get you admitted." Billy spoke fast, knowing that sooner or later someone was going to come in and tell them to get Benji back in the bed.
"I have something I need to clear up first." Benji stated, moving towards the door.
As he went to walk out Billy jumped up and grabbed his arm holding him back. "You can’t go out there; we’ll just get in trouble for you being out of those god dammed things. Besides you said you wouldn’t do anything."
Benji pulled his arm out of Billy’s grasp, "No I said I wouldn’t attack you, or try to kill myself; I never said anything about not hurting Joel."
Billy jumped in front of the door, "You’re not going out there. I put myself on the line and let you out; if you go out there you’re getting me in trouble. Can’t you just tell me what the fuck’s going on? I know you didn’t do it! Or at least I know you didn’t type the goddamned note, tell me what happened and we can clear all this shit up. If you walk out that door you may be losing the trust of the only person willing to believe you at the moment, or even listen to you for that matter."
"Billy, you know the truth, just think about it. I am really sorry but this is something I have to do." He pushed Billy away from the door and pushed it open.
"Benji, what the fuck are you doing out of that bed." Tony yelled, when he saw Benji storming towards them. "Billy?..."
Benji didn’t stop to talk, he just walked over and stood in front of Joel, he looked at him for a minute, and right as Joel opened his mouth to say something Benji punched him in the jaw and heard the sickening sound of his fist on Joel.
Joel stumbled back a few steps, and put his hand the side of his face. As he pulled his hand away and saw drops of blood forming at the corner of his mouth, "You fucker" he growled as he ran forward, punching his brother square in the stomach.
The fight went on like that for a while. People kept trying to break it up but that only landed them with a punch or a kick, whenever they tried to get in between the fighting men.
Eventually Joel pinned Benji on the ground holding his hands above his head, he looked down on his brother and smiled whispering, "You never learn do you?" just loud enough for Benji to hear.
The doctors and nurses that had gathered around the two men decided to jump in, and Benji soon felt himself being lifted off the floor from a few pairs of strong hands. They carried him to the bed, and held him down while someone else fitted the restraints back around his wrist and ankles tightly.
Benji was screaming, for them all to "Get the fuck off him" and bucking off the bed the best he could with his wrist and ankles being held down. One of the doctors yelled over the noise, "Mr. Madden if you don’t calm down we will be forced to sedate you again."
He stopped moving, but was mumbling things under his breath presumably cursing both Joel and the doctors. Again the doctor called attention to himself in the room crowded with both nurses, and the other 4 men. "Can someone tell me why he was out of his restraints in the first place? This is exactly the situation we were trying to avoid."
Billy stepped forward, "I am really sorry guys it was me. I didn’t expect that to happen"
"It’s ok Billy" Tony said lovingly.
"No it’s not ok. He was in those for a reason." The doctor began, "This better not happen again because next time he will be sedated, I don’t need my hospital to turn into a circus."
"You all know I am still here right? How about we stop acting like I am 4 fucking years old, and talk to me!" Benji yelled from his place on the bed.
The doctor turned to Benji, "Mr. Madden you have proven yourself to not have the ability to be treated like an adult, if you want to be treated like an adult or let out of those things anytime soon, I suggest you get your act together." The man replied, before turning back to the others. "Now I have a hospital to run, I don’t care how famous you are, there are other patients here that need to be cared for," is all he said before walking out of the room leaving them alone.
Paul looked at his watch, "Guys it’s almost 4 we have to get out of here if we want to meet the guys at South Oaks."
"Yeah you’re just going to leave me there to rot aren’t you? Just drop off the insane twin and let them deal with me." Benji was yelling from the bed.
Tony walked over the bed and stroked Benji’s hair and caressed his cheek until Benji had relaxed and was letting his face fall into Tony’s hand. "I am not going to leave you anywhere, ever. You have to know that Benji, I love you and I will forever."
"Don’t make me go there." Benji whispered
"It’s not up to me any more. I fought for you Benji, believe me I did, but I lost." At this point Tony was whispering to Benji just loud enough for Benji to hear, "But you listen to me I am not giving up, I’ll get you out of there, but you can’t give up either. We’ll win in the end, we have to. I just wish I knew what was going on."
Benji looked up at Tony, "You know the truth. You just don’t know you know it."
Paul called from behind, "Tony come on we have to go."
"I know the truth…" Tony whispered, more as a question.
"Just think about it." Benji whispered back
"Tony let’s get out of here!" Joel yelled from behind.
"No you’re not going anywhere Joel; you need to get stitches for that cut on your head." Paul retorted.
"I am not staying back here with him!" Joel called back. "I can get stitches there, it is a hospital or I’ll get them when I get back.”
"Fine you’re coming, but then who’s staying with Benji." Paul asked.
"No one has to stay, it’s not like I am going anywhere." Benji called, pulling at his restraints to make his point.
Paul rolled his eyes, "Fine, you want to stay alone, then you’ll stay alone. We’ll be back in an hour tops, be good." And he turned and walked out.
"You sure you don’t want someone to stay." Billy asked, and Benji just nodded, "Okay then see you soon." And Tony and Billy walked out, Tony throwing Benji a kiss as the door shut behind him.
Joel walked over to the edge of the bed, standing over Benji a perverse smile on his face. "Yeah Benji be good…" When his brother tried to turn away Joel put his hand on Benji’s jaw and turned his head to face him, "Now that wasn’t very nice."
"You’re not the one to talk about what’s nice." Benji growled back.
"Oh Benji, when are you going to understand this game? I make the rules, I hold the cards, and I always win. And the second you think you know the rules, I’ll change them; the second you think you’re winning I’ll send you back to start. I make the rules and I can change them just as easily." Joel quickly retorted.
"They’ll figure it out; you won’t get away with it, with any of it."
"I already have. Look around Benji you’re the one tied down to a bed, not me. They won’t figure it out. That’s just wishful thinking, and if they do they won’t be around long enough to do anything about it, I got rid of you didn’t I."
"I am still here." Benji replied.
"Not for long, they’re enrolling you in that nut house, and I’ll make sure you never get out. Faggots never win." Joel stared coldly into Benji’s eyes.
"Joel lets go we’re already late." A voice called from the hall.
"Coming." Joel called back. He looked down at Benji one last time, "Be good." And with that he was gone; he just turned his back on his brother and left to go to the place that might change Benji’s life forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah... i think i got carried away on this chapter, its way longer then i thought it would be... Umm yeah you people should go to the Ice Palace because it has the best fanfics ever... Well you know the Deal.. Love it? Hate it? comment please..