She said she liked the way I kissed So cutting edge I slit my wrists
Title, Innocence Lost (chapter 11)
Rating, R
Fandom, GC/Mest
Pairings, Tony/Benji, Billy/Quinn it is twincentric but no twincest….
summary, Something happened between Benji and Joel that has send Benji into a depressive cycle that he won't even let Tony into but what ever happened in the first place? And how can it be fixed?
*New chapter 11 up now… the rest are here too,
And a special thanks to joelymoely for all her help and beta-readingness on the magority of my stuff….
Chapter 1 \\Chapter 2 \\Chapter 3 \\Chapter 4 \\Chapter 5 \\Chapter 6\\Chapter 7\\Chapter 8\\Chapter 9\\Chapter 10
Dear Tony,
I am sorry to say that if you’re reading this I have pasted on. I didn’t want it to end this way but I saw no other way out. I have been standing on the edge of the bridge for while now, looking down holding on to you to keep my feet on the ground. Please don’t cry over me. I was dead before I met you and I was born the day you loved me. I will love you forever, I am going to a better place now and will be waiting you for, and watching over your every move. Never feel alone because I will always be there your guiding light, your guardian angel. As long as you remember me I would have never truly left you…
Please tell Billy that I am going to miss him, that I am going to miss him teaching me guitar tricks, and putting up with my nonsense when I would have urges to jump up on to his lap or tickle him till he was almost crying. Thank him for always helping me with my eye liner before a show, he was always better at all the make up work. Tell him to never stop drawing that he has a gift and it shouldn’t be wasted, and that the picture he has of you and I, is perfect and he doesn’t have to erase it over and over again, because it is beautiful as is. And also tell him that he and Quinn are beautiful together and I wish them all the luck in the world.
Remind Paul that I am still watching and that just because I am gone physically it doesn’t mean he can sneak down in the morning and rummage through the refrigerator at 3 in the morning (yea I saw you all those times). Tell him that I am going to regret leaving our Saturday morning movie time. And I that I really cherished those mornings that we spent together watching stupid movies and laughing at jokes only we saw leaving everyone else clueless to our laughter. Also that he should go through with his plan to get his eyebrow pierced it will look good on him, no matter how many people tell him not to.
And lastly tell Joel that I am sorry that we weren’t closer in our lives. Tell him that I love him no matter what has been going on with us for the past few years, and that I forgive him and look forward so seeing him again someday. Tell him to never give up on his dreams we came this far we can go that much farther. We went through everything together from Dad, to school, and starting a band. Look how far our dreams got us, I just wish we had gotten there together.
Your Baby,
Benji…I am sorry…
Tony sat crinkling the letter in his tight grip, as if it was his last link to life, like if he let go his world would crumble. He had Benji’s blood on his hands, on his clothes, in his hair, it was everywhere and there seemed to be so much of it covering the white tiles on the bathroom floor. The letter was neatly typed, except for a few parts “your baby” and Benji’s name signed at the bottom, and scrawled next to it the words “I am sorry.” These words looked so rushed compared to the neat and orderly letter before them, and on the front envelop it said “Tony” in Benji’s messy hand writing. It wasn’t right Tony thought to him self “if Benji was in that deep he would have told me I could have helped him, he didn’t need to resort to this.” Tears were now flowing freely down his face and the letter had his prints covered in the blood of another, and Tony wondered how could have missed this, and felt even worse that he wasn’t even the one to have to find him… that terror was saved for Billy.
Billy’s eyes cracked open that night to be greeted by the light pouring in from the bathroom door which remainded open. He found this odd seeing as it was too late for make-up or hair, or the time in the morning when everyone is groggily walking in and out of the bathroom and this was the only time that door was left open. He slipped from the bed not bothering to put anything on over his black boxer and white wife-beater. His feet made slight slapping noises against the cold floor, and Billy was shivering, after leaving the comfort of his warm bed. His eyes were still clouded with sleep and his pupils were but little specks from the artificial light flooding into them. He walked across the hall one hand on the back of neck lazily scratching at an itch, and pushing the hair from his eyes. He was mentally cursing who ever left the light on for making him get out of bed at this hour in the morning. Little did he know that the light left on might have been the deciding factor in the life or death of his best friend.
Finally reaching the door after crossing the 4 foot hall way that felt like miles on his clouded eyes, and sleeping mind, he pushed the door open wider to reach the light switch. His eyes grew wide as he saw the crimson liquid that covered the floor engulfing the bath mat and inching its way into the floor boards. In the middle of this mess is what made his stomach turn, in the middle covered in the now cold substance was no other then Benji.
Benji’s head had fallen and his chin was resting on his chest as if he was looking downward. His hair had fallen and was hanging loosely about his face. Eyes closed tightly and mouth a bit open, as if gasping for air. His legs were splayed in front of him, as if he had fallen, pushed down or sat in haste. In his lap sat his hand wrist turned up to the air. Legs were saturated in the liquid, the liquid that pooled around his body in almost endless amounts. This wrist seemed to be the source of the blood which was steadily finding its way out of Benji’s broken body. On this wrist was a single cut running horizontal to his thin arms. His skin was pale, almost white as it seemed as if every drop of blood that flowed out of him was pulling the color from his skin, and his lips were turning blue.
Billy reached down wanting to touch the body of his friend, wanting to check for any signs of life that still might be inside his shell of a body. His arms refused to move and all he could do was let out a muffled cry, which brought Paul stumbling into in the bathroom. His eyes widening as the sight in front of him sank in. Paul placed his hand on Billy shoulder steadying the younger man who seemed about to fall. He told him to wake up Tony. Billy walked form the room into Benji and Tony’s room, or was it now just Tony’s, Billy thought to himself the thought alone was enough to make him sick.
Jumping on to the bed and shaking Tony till his eyes cracked open and he whispered “Billy what the hell?” then glancing at the empty space next to him his voice filled with worry, “where’s Benji?...”
”the bathroom…” Billy started off, and Tony jumped up running towards the bathroom. Billy tried to stop him, he wanted to prepare him for what he would soon face “Tony slow down please… Tony there’s something you should know before you go in there...” but he was cut off by Tony screaming and Billy had to guess he reached the bathroom…
Tony and Billy were in a state of shock and that left only Paul to do anything about the apparent situation at hand. He leaned down placing his hand to Benji’s neck and felt for a pulse, soon after he picked up a towel and put tightly to Benji’s arm. Calling to Billy “call 911 tell them to get over here as fast as they can, he is unconscious and still bleeding, he has a slight pulse but I don’t know if he is breathing, just get them over here now!”
Billy soon ran in from the bedroom phone in hand talking fast into the receiver, “That’s right 622 Linkin, yeah right off Woodbury….. just get over here fast please you have to save him..” he then hung up the phone facing Paul “They say if he’s not breathing start CRP if anyone knows how, and to put something over the wound and place pressure on it to slow the bleeding…. They’ll be here as soon as they can.”
With in 5 minutes there were sirens sounding outside the house and Billy leaped down the stairs and opened the door pointing upstairs and directing them to the bathroom…
They loaded Benji onto a back board using it to carry him down the stairs and too the awaiting ambulance. Paul jumped in with the paramedics and Benji and rode to the hospital. Billy stayed back with Tony they had tried to get him to go with the ambulance but he was in too much shock. It was agreed that Billy would drive him over as soon as he was a bit more composed.
Tony looked up and saw waiting on the counter the envelope with his name scrawled on the front reaching up and grasping it he ripped it open, he sat on the floor in Benji’s blood clutching that letter, for a long time or that’s what it seemed. Before Billy pulled him up and into the car still in their bloody clothes they started there way to the hospital unsure if they would ever see Benji alive again.
Joel drove quickly though the streets not knowing where he was going or what he was going to do when he got there. He could feel the pain he had put his brother through and felt as though the knife had been dragged across his own wrist, and part of him wished it had. His cell with thrown in the passenger seat and he could see it vibrating and glowing blue, Billy’s cell number up on the screen. He ignored the light and movement coming from his phone not wanting to face what he had done just yet. Not soon after the vibrating started it stopped and was replaced with the beep signaling a text message. He reached over and picked up the phone across the screen it read “Benji was taken to the hospital, he tried to kill himself, met us there when you get this…please come soon…Billy.” After reading what it said he threw the phone down in anger…”hospital” he thought to himself...”the little bitch lived…” and with that he turned the car around towards the hospital, he didn’t really know why he was going there, it was the last place he wanted to be, but he felt drawn to go. He had to say that though he felt pain and maybe even a little guilt for what he had done it wasn’t remorse, and that he made sure of it. This was not a time to go soft on everything he had worked so hard for…he couldn’t loose.
~~~~~~~~~~
please dont forget the Comment button is below...
Rating, R
Fandom, GC/Mest
Pairings, Tony/Benji, Billy/Quinn it is twincentric but no twincest….
summary, Something happened between Benji and Joel that has send Benji into a depressive cycle that he won't even let Tony into but what ever happened in the first place? And how can it be fixed?
*New chapter 11 up now… the rest are here too,
And a special thanks to joelymoely for all her help and beta-readingness on the magority of my stuff….
Chapter 1 \\Chapter 2 \\Chapter 3 \\Chapter 4 \\Chapter 5 \\Chapter 6\\Chapter 7\\Chapter 8\\Chapter 9\\Chapter 10
Dear Tony,
I am sorry to say that if you’re reading this I have pasted on. I didn’t want it to end this way but I saw no other way out. I have been standing on the edge of the bridge for while now, looking down holding on to you to keep my feet on the ground. Please don’t cry over me. I was dead before I met you and I was born the day you loved me. I will love you forever, I am going to a better place now and will be waiting you for, and watching over your every move. Never feel alone because I will always be there your guiding light, your guardian angel. As long as you remember me I would have never truly left you…
Please tell Billy that I am going to miss him, that I am going to miss him teaching me guitar tricks, and putting up with my nonsense when I would have urges to jump up on to his lap or tickle him till he was almost crying. Thank him for always helping me with my eye liner before a show, he was always better at all the make up work. Tell him to never stop drawing that he has a gift and it shouldn’t be wasted, and that the picture he has of you and I, is perfect and he doesn’t have to erase it over and over again, because it is beautiful as is. And also tell him that he and Quinn are beautiful together and I wish them all the luck in the world.
Remind Paul that I am still watching and that just because I am gone physically it doesn’t mean he can sneak down in the morning and rummage through the refrigerator at 3 in the morning (yea I saw you all those times). Tell him that I am going to regret leaving our Saturday morning movie time. And I that I really cherished those mornings that we spent together watching stupid movies and laughing at jokes only we saw leaving everyone else clueless to our laughter. Also that he should go through with his plan to get his eyebrow pierced it will look good on him, no matter how many people tell him not to.
And lastly tell Joel that I am sorry that we weren’t closer in our lives. Tell him that I love him no matter what has been going on with us for the past few years, and that I forgive him and look forward so seeing him again someday. Tell him to never give up on his dreams we came this far we can go that much farther. We went through everything together from Dad, to school, and starting a band. Look how far our dreams got us, I just wish we had gotten there together.
Your Baby,
Benji…I am sorry…
Tony sat crinkling the letter in his tight grip, as if it was his last link to life, like if he let go his world would crumble. He had Benji’s blood on his hands, on his clothes, in his hair, it was everywhere and there seemed to be so much of it covering the white tiles on the bathroom floor. The letter was neatly typed, except for a few parts “your baby” and Benji’s name signed at the bottom, and scrawled next to it the words “I am sorry.” These words looked so rushed compared to the neat and orderly letter before them, and on the front envelop it said “Tony” in Benji’s messy hand writing. It wasn’t right Tony thought to him self “if Benji was in that deep he would have told me I could have helped him, he didn’t need to resort to this.” Tears were now flowing freely down his face and the letter had his prints covered in the blood of another, and Tony wondered how could have missed this, and felt even worse that he wasn’t even the one to have to find him… that terror was saved for Billy.
Billy’s eyes cracked open that night to be greeted by the light pouring in from the bathroom door which remainded open. He found this odd seeing as it was too late for make-up or hair, or the time in the morning when everyone is groggily walking in and out of the bathroom and this was the only time that door was left open. He slipped from the bed not bothering to put anything on over his black boxer and white wife-beater. His feet made slight slapping noises against the cold floor, and Billy was shivering, after leaving the comfort of his warm bed. His eyes were still clouded with sleep and his pupils were but little specks from the artificial light flooding into them. He walked across the hall one hand on the back of neck lazily scratching at an itch, and pushing the hair from his eyes. He was mentally cursing who ever left the light on for making him get out of bed at this hour in the morning. Little did he know that the light left on might have been the deciding factor in the life or death of his best friend.
Finally reaching the door after crossing the 4 foot hall way that felt like miles on his clouded eyes, and sleeping mind, he pushed the door open wider to reach the light switch. His eyes grew wide as he saw the crimson liquid that covered the floor engulfing the bath mat and inching its way into the floor boards. In the middle of this mess is what made his stomach turn, in the middle covered in the now cold substance was no other then Benji.
Benji’s head had fallen and his chin was resting on his chest as if he was looking downward. His hair had fallen and was hanging loosely about his face. Eyes closed tightly and mouth a bit open, as if gasping for air. His legs were splayed in front of him, as if he had fallen, pushed down or sat in haste. In his lap sat his hand wrist turned up to the air. Legs were saturated in the liquid, the liquid that pooled around his body in almost endless amounts. This wrist seemed to be the source of the blood which was steadily finding its way out of Benji’s broken body. On this wrist was a single cut running horizontal to his thin arms. His skin was pale, almost white as it seemed as if every drop of blood that flowed out of him was pulling the color from his skin, and his lips were turning blue.
Billy reached down wanting to touch the body of his friend, wanting to check for any signs of life that still might be inside his shell of a body. His arms refused to move and all he could do was let out a muffled cry, which brought Paul stumbling into in the bathroom. His eyes widening as the sight in front of him sank in. Paul placed his hand on Billy shoulder steadying the younger man who seemed about to fall. He told him to wake up Tony. Billy walked form the room into Benji and Tony’s room, or was it now just Tony’s, Billy thought to himself the thought alone was enough to make him sick.
Jumping on to the bed and shaking Tony till his eyes cracked open and he whispered “Billy what the hell?” then glancing at the empty space next to him his voice filled with worry, “where’s Benji?...”
”the bathroom…” Billy started off, and Tony jumped up running towards the bathroom. Billy tried to stop him, he wanted to prepare him for what he would soon face “Tony slow down please… Tony there’s something you should know before you go in there...” but he was cut off by Tony screaming and Billy had to guess he reached the bathroom…
Tony and Billy were in a state of shock and that left only Paul to do anything about the apparent situation at hand. He leaned down placing his hand to Benji’s neck and felt for a pulse, soon after he picked up a towel and put tightly to Benji’s arm. Calling to Billy “call 911 tell them to get over here as fast as they can, he is unconscious and still bleeding, he has a slight pulse but I don’t know if he is breathing, just get them over here now!”
Billy soon ran in from the bedroom phone in hand talking fast into the receiver, “That’s right 622 Linkin, yeah right off Woodbury….. just get over here fast please you have to save him..” he then hung up the phone facing Paul “They say if he’s not breathing start CRP if anyone knows how, and to put something over the wound and place pressure on it to slow the bleeding…. They’ll be here as soon as they can.”
With in 5 minutes there were sirens sounding outside the house and Billy leaped down the stairs and opened the door pointing upstairs and directing them to the bathroom…
They loaded Benji onto a back board using it to carry him down the stairs and too the awaiting ambulance. Paul jumped in with the paramedics and Benji and rode to the hospital. Billy stayed back with Tony they had tried to get him to go with the ambulance but he was in too much shock. It was agreed that Billy would drive him over as soon as he was a bit more composed.
Tony looked up and saw waiting on the counter the envelope with his name scrawled on the front reaching up and grasping it he ripped it open, he sat on the floor in Benji’s blood clutching that letter, for a long time or that’s what it seemed. Before Billy pulled him up and into the car still in their bloody clothes they started there way to the hospital unsure if they would ever see Benji alive again.
Joel drove quickly though the streets not knowing where he was going or what he was going to do when he got there. He could feel the pain he had put his brother through and felt as though the knife had been dragged across his own wrist, and part of him wished it had. His cell with thrown in the passenger seat and he could see it vibrating and glowing blue, Billy’s cell number up on the screen. He ignored the light and movement coming from his phone not wanting to face what he had done just yet. Not soon after the vibrating started it stopped and was replaced with the beep signaling a text message. He reached over and picked up the phone across the screen it read “Benji was taken to the hospital, he tried to kill himself, met us there when you get this…please come soon…Billy.” After reading what it said he threw the phone down in anger…”hospital” he thought to himself...”the little bitch lived…” and with that he turned the car around towards the hospital, he didn’t really know why he was going there, it was the last place he wanted to be, but he felt drawn to go. He had to say that though he felt pain and maybe even a little guilt for what he had done it wasn’t remorse, and that he made sure of it. This was not a time to go soft on everything he had worked so hard for…he couldn’t loose.
~~~~~~~~~~
please dont forget the Comment button is below...