if you actually read this in entirety please comment..If you want to
What was taken from me I will never regain
so what has happened the last couple weeks? Well I found out that my ex roommate Maria stole shit from me and my other roommates. shit was crazy. this is how it went down. Someone went into our room and tore it up. I couldn't find my laptop, my lil mp3 , her cell, and her ipod, and $100 rent money from amy. Apparently all this happen in the span of 15 mins. Maria claims to have left around 3:00 and returned 3:15, 3:20. yet somehow noone heard the dogs bark and they left amys wallet and they were no forced signs of entry. okay so then after the cops come my computer mysteriously appears. and guess what theres an acct with her name on it... ya so when i found out there was an acct. i said "Maria did you.." and she cuts in "NO" So i was like you didnt even let me finish. so your tellin me you didnt create this acct that says maria on it. and i'm like i dont beleive you because you answered to quick. I asked amy and she said no and i said i didnt beleive her either cuz she had my password. so maria huffs and puffs slams the door i call her rude. anyways we all agree to move out asap. so were moving out and shes at work and i was like well ill pack her stuff i grab her suitcase open it and bam i see something yellow. then i see two cards like debit cards... && im like holy shit. The yellow letter was a letter i had been expecting from my brother. i was like oh no this bitch didnt. the two cards were the cards she claimed went missing at a party we had right around the time of rent. I also found mail from our guy roommate aaron it was a card from someone that usually sends him $20 with it. I also found an old roommate who was prego letter. She had been expecting money to fly and it was postmarked two days before she left. and lastly i found a letter to a new roommate Keiko from a vet clinic. i was like o m g this girl is psycho. So i called amy and was like you will not believe what i found she said she would be back soon and i called the madre and was like im scared of this chick.. not psychically cuz i could woop ass but like shes crazy. my mother couldnt beleive it either. anyway fast forward. we told aaron and he was mad and was like you know i actually got a piece of mail decling me a credit card which is weird cuz i would never apply for one cuz i wont get approved and nonone from phoeniz really knows i live here (hes from phoenix, az) and i leave my s.s like thrown in a box out in my room. he leaves and then calls me and is like as i think about it more and more im gettin livid. i wanna yell at her when i get home. i was like o shit we didnt really say anything yet cuz were moving and we need her part. and he goes im even willing to pay her part. I was like ummm idk. he says he'll be home in 15 mins.
So aaron comes home and its weird...
fast forward he comes out with his letter and asked her where she got it she all I dont know what your talking back. He was like this was found among your personal things. Shes like i dont know. he calls some other things like a liar , cunt says he would punch her in the face. amy is pissed and gets in to and is like you know we looked out for you. payed for food when we thought you had nothing yet you've been going out buying things ( we had noticed during that week && found some stuff stuffed in closet) and the whole time you been stealing from us. I threw in how she fucked some guy i use to like(thats a whole nother story in itself.. but lets just say if you know ... then you would understand the betrayal... shit was fucked up) and amys was like i dont how natacha didnt beat your ass (ya lookin back me neither.. i think i was more shocked than anything). Then shes was like wat other things did you find. what are you talkin about. So i brought out all that shit and was like bitch you had one of my personal letters from my brothers one thing you dont fuck with is my family. you seriously have no fucking respect for other ppl, your fucking selfish and a slut. you go around sleeping with guys cuz your fucking insecure.. and then it ended with aaron tellin her to get her shit and get the fuck out and your not using our phones to call anyone.. and she had the nerve to say she has a clean concious... bitch please...
so then she left and im thinkin WWJD... serriously crazy right? but im not that heartless and im like to amy shit this isnt right who am i to judge let god punish her. she knows noone here. so i go to aaron who was watching walk away... and said the same thing.... and we kinda debated it but finally went looking for her and couldnt find her. then gabby comes over she looks too and this continues. finally get sleep and go to work the landlord sees amy and says that he'll charge the guys xtrra if were there.. so for a couple of hours we were homeless but then we stay at amys friend. i called marias family to see if they contacted her or she them. nothing. Finally i tell them that an altercation occured and i tell them evferything that happened. but the wierd part is , is like they werent even surprised they didnt even say no she wouldnt do that. then aaron tells me he saw her buying toilet paper so im like well shes alive. Then finally after like 4 days she contacts gabby but i honestly suspect that they have been talkin long before that. but w/e just dont lie about shit. anyways gabby doesnt believe for someone that lil innocent maria could do this.. but seriously that bitch is sneaky..
so by this time we had looked into these apartments but now we didnt have the money, and when we fianlly did they tried to charge us 90 extra to move in so i went down there and complained and we got to move in right then and there and wont have to pay 56 until the end of april. wat wat but then there came another problem...Phoenix.... so the lady that we got in trouble was going to work with me on the fee. but now she wants is upfront and im so broke its really not funny. so i thought for a lil that i would have to pay 500 and 132.25 deposit which was the dog fee. and i seriously thought i would have to give him away and it hurt so much. but then when i saw her in passin she said it still was the cat fee. which is $250 and 132.25 so i was like ah i dont have to give him away! but i had to pay right then and there so phoenix is on a lil vacay and i miss him so much.. im just waiting to start the census job on the 27th where i get paing 15 an hour and get paid weekly..
-first half written on the 6th
- this was written on the 13th. you will def see a diff in the way i write
I don’t want excuses I don’t want apologies
The truth is i really don't know what i want. so instead of randomly hooking up or flirting with ppl I've decided to just be there.. and looking back I've unconsciously been doing this since September . I pushed ppl away by not answering phone calls or text. I don't have time nor do I want a relationship right now. now of course there have been times where a random kiss was stolen here or there after all i am human and according to my psych professor humans need affection. whether its a hug from a friend or mother or a kiss from someone. but for the most part i have avoided everything else. even after what happen I didn't feel like i should go out and fuck someone. its pointless . two wrongs don't make a right. But alas my problem is how long can i keep this up. For how long can I really do it. I have a fear. My fear is if i do let someone in it might turn serious..i fear this becaue it almost happen but of course i recognized it and cut it off. in doing so a kinda lost a friend :[ the one actual local that i was not instantly pissed off with. that made me have some hope in miami ppl ha. but alls well that ends well.. he chiodos or more originally Shakespeare.. that was just a side note.. now where was i o ya but is this even healthy? who cares. part of my decision of staying like this will be discussed next...
God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners.
Soren Kierkegaard
I have come a long way from what I use to be. I don't regret the decisions that I have made. It all started in June & July. Two significant events happened and I just started not caring anymore. I didn't really think of god much and I would go to church with my mother of course but it wasn't the same. My mother was the one to point alot of stuff and kinda woke me up. She was of course yelling at me recently saying " you don't even go to church anymore and it's lent. you didn't even go to ash wednesday" she was right and i barely even followed what was the norm of my catholic faith during the lenten season. I really stepped back and looked at myself and was like what has happened to me. but one thing i noticed was that i never gave up on god. thus my latest tat is faith. Over the months I have wanted to pull my hair out, pack up and just leave but silently i would say it has to get better have faith. I have decided to completely let everything go into gods hands because i honestly can't control it. The book Loving Soren by Caroline Coleman O Neill also had a great deal to do with this decision. I have decided to stop focusing on outside things and focus on my faith and relationship with god. To stop being so selfish and instead of asking what i want ask what do you want from me. I'm trying to cut negative thoughts out of my life and just focus on me, school and god. Forget the boys, forget material things, forget the petty arguements. just focus on the one i love, and who loves me with the same intensity, who will never cause me pain, and will satisfy my every desire. My Saviour Jesus Christ<3
I will learn to live again for now
I’m breaking all the things I couldn't mend without escaping
I will learn to love again
I will learn to love
I will learn
so what has happened the last couple weeks? Well I found out that my ex roommate Maria stole shit from me and my other roommates. shit was crazy. this is how it went down. Someone went into our room and tore it up. I couldn't find my laptop, my lil mp3 , her cell, and her ipod, and $100 rent money from amy. Apparently all this happen in the span of 15 mins. Maria claims to have left around 3:00 and returned 3:15, 3:20. yet somehow noone heard the dogs bark and they left amys wallet and they were no forced signs of entry. okay so then after the cops come my computer mysteriously appears. and guess what theres an acct with her name on it... ya so when i found out there was an acct. i said "Maria did you.." and she cuts in "NO" So i was like you didnt even let me finish. so your tellin me you didnt create this acct that says maria on it. and i'm like i dont beleive you because you answered to quick. I asked amy and she said no and i said i didnt beleive her either cuz she had my password. so maria huffs and puffs slams the door i call her rude. anyways we all agree to move out asap. so were moving out and shes at work and i was like well ill pack her stuff i grab her suitcase open it and bam i see something yellow. then i see two cards like debit cards... && im like holy shit. The yellow letter was a letter i had been expecting from my brother. i was like oh no this bitch didnt. the two cards were the cards she claimed went missing at a party we had right around the time of rent. I also found mail from our guy roommate aaron it was a card from someone that usually sends him $20 with it. I also found an old roommate who was prego letter. She had been expecting money to fly and it was postmarked two days before she left. and lastly i found a letter to a new roommate Keiko from a vet clinic. i was like o m g this girl is psycho. So i called amy and was like you will not believe what i found she said she would be back soon and i called the madre and was like im scared of this chick.. not psychically cuz i could woop ass but like shes crazy. my mother couldnt beleive it either. anyway fast forward. we told aaron and he was mad and was like you know i actually got a piece of mail decling me a credit card which is weird cuz i would never apply for one cuz i wont get approved and nonone from phoeniz really knows i live here (hes from phoenix, az) and i leave my s.s like thrown in a box out in my room. he leaves and then calls me and is like as i think about it more and more im gettin livid. i wanna yell at her when i get home. i was like o shit we didnt really say anything yet cuz were moving and we need her part. and he goes im even willing to pay her part. I was like ummm idk. he says he'll be home in 15 mins.
So aaron comes home and its weird...
fast forward he comes out with his letter and asked her where she got it she all I dont know what your talking back. He was like this was found among your personal things. Shes like i dont know. he calls some other things like a liar , cunt says he would punch her in the face. amy is pissed and gets in to and is like you know we looked out for you. payed for food when we thought you had nothing yet you've been going out buying things ( we had noticed during that week && found some stuff stuffed in closet) and the whole time you been stealing from us. I threw in how she fucked some guy i use to like(thats a whole nother story in itself.. but lets just say if you know ... then you would understand the betrayal... shit was fucked up) and amys was like i dont how natacha didnt beat your ass (ya lookin back me neither.. i think i was more shocked than anything). Then shes was like wat other things did you find. what are you talkin about. So i brought out all that shit and was like bitch you had one of my personal letters from my brothers one thing you dont fuck with is my family. you seriously have no fucking respect for other ppl, your fucking selfish and a slut. you go around sleeping with guys cuz your fucking insecure.. and then it ended with aaron tellin her to get her shit and get the fuck out and your not using our phones to call anyone.. and she had the nerve to say she has a clean concious... bitch please...
so then she left and im thinkin WWJD... serriously crazy right? but im not that heartless and im like to amy shit this isnt right who am i to judge let god punish her. she knows noone here. so i go to aaron who was watching walk away... and said the same thing.... and we kinda debated it but finally went looking for her and couldnt find her. then gabby comes over she looks too and this continues. finally get sleep and go to work the landlord sees amy and says that he'll charge the guys xtrra if were there.. so for a couple of hours we were homeless but then we stay at amys friend. i called marias family to see if they contacted her or she them. nothing. Finally i tell them that an altercation occured and i tell them evferything that happened. but the wierd part is , is like they werent even surprised they didnt even say no she wouldnt do that. then aaron tells me he saw her buying toilet paper so im like well shes alive. Then finally after like 4 days she contacts gabby but i honestly suspect that they have been talkin long before that. but w/e just dont lie about shit. anyways gabby doesnt believe for someone that lil innocent maria could do this.. but seriously that bitch is sneaky..
so by this time we had looked into these apartments but now we didnt have the money, and when we fianlly did they tried to charge us 90 extra to move in so i went down there and complained and we got to move in right then and there and wont have to pay 56 until the end of april. wat wat but then there came another problem...Phoenix.... so the lady that we got in trouble was going to work with me on the fee. but now she wants is upfront and im so broke its really not funny. so i thought for a lil that i would have to pay 500 and 132.25 deposit which was the dog fee. and i seriously thought i would have to give him away and it hurt so much. but then when i saw her in passin she said it still was the cat fee. which is $250 and 132.25 so i was like ah i dont have to give him away! but i had to pay right then and there so phoenix is on a lil vacay and i miss him so much.. im just waiting to start the census job on the 27th where i get paing 15 an hour and get paid weekly..
-first half written on the 6th
- this was written on the 13th. you will def see a diff in the way i write
I don’t want excuses I don’t want apologies
The truth is i really don't know what i want. so instead of randomly hooking up or flirting with ppl I've decided to just be there.. and looking back I've unconsciously been doing this since September . I pushed ppl away by not answering phone calls or text. I don't have time nor do I want a relationship right now. now of course there have been times where a random kiss was stolen here or there after all i am human and according to my psych professor humans need affection. whether its a hug from a friend or mother or a kiss from someone. but for the most part i have avoided everything else. even after what happen I didn't feel like i should go out and fuck someone. its pointless . two wrongs don't make a right. But alas my problem is how long can i keep this up. For how long can I really do it. I have a fear. My fear is if i do let someone in it might turn serious..i fear this becaue it almost happen but of course i recognized it and cut it off. in doing so a kinda lost a friend :[ the one actual local that i was not instantly pissed off with. that made me have some hope in miami ppl ha. but alls well that ends well.. he chiodos or more originally Shakespeare.. that was just a side note.. now where was i o ya but is this even healthy? who cares. part of my decision of staying like this will be discussed next...
God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: he makes saints out of sinners.
Soren Kierkegaard
I have come a long way from what I use to be. I don't regret the decisions that I have made. It all started in June & July. Two significant events happened and I just started not caring anymore. I didn't really think of god much and I would go to church with my mother of course but it wasn't the same. My mother was the one to point alot of stuff and kinda woke me up. She was of course yelling at me recently saying " you don't even go to church anymore and it's lent. you didn't even go to ash wednesday" she was right and i barely even followed what was the norm of my catholic faith during the lenten season. I really stepped back and looked at myself and was like what has happened to me. but one thing i noticed was that i never gave up on god. thus my latest tat is faith. Over the months I have wanted to pull my hair out, pack up and just leave but silently i would say it has to get better have faith. I have decided to completely let everything go into gods hands because i honestly can't control it. The book Loving Soren by Caroline Coleman O Neill also had a great deal to do with this decision. I have decided to stop focusing on outside things and focus on my faith and relationship with god. To stop being so selfish and instead of asking what i want ask what do you want from me. I'm trying to cut negative thoughts out of my life and just focus on me, school and god. Forget the boys, forget material things, forget the petty arguements. just focus on the one i love, and who loves me with the same intensity, who will never cause me pain, and will satisfy my every desire. My Saviour Jesus Christ<3
I will learn to live again for now
I’m breaking all the things I couldn't mend without escaping
I will learn to love again
I will learn to love
I will learn