(no subject)
so, face deleted all of his myspace accounts and i'm bumming. i don't have his telephone number, address, and i don't even think i have an email address for him. the last contact we had was a myspace msg he sent me asking me why we didn't make it. i wrote him back telling him i couldn't talk about it on myspace, but that if we were to speak in person, i'd have plenty to say. i still miss him, a lot. it's weird. part of me knows for sure that i don't want to get back together with him, ever - but then there's this part of me that wonders... what if? i think the biggest part of me just wishes he was still in my life. i miss all the things we did together and all the things he taught me, and i sort of a little bit miss the person i was/grew into when we were together. i dunno. it's been a while now and i still surprise myself when i slip into thinking about him... it gets worse when we don't communicate, and even worse when it seems like we can't (like now). i don't know.
my relationship brain is still recovering. i've been super casually dating someone for a month now and i dig him, but he's so busy and i'm busy enough that i can't even begin to fathom us being anything more than casual. but is that just because we're busy? or because i'm still out of it. sometimes, mostly when i'm in the shower, i slip into thinking about what it would be like to be with someone again. and that's when i start to miss it a little. i don't feel teased by the time i do spend with those i date (currently, just this one), but there are nights when i'm alone that i wish there was someone there. but i think it's more than that - i sort of a little bit miss having someone to talk to, and to share my day with, someone other than my family (and occasionally my bff's) who knows all the goings-on in my life. and someone who i can get to know, and be with, and listen to, and cook for, and all that shit. but then i slip out of it and i feel not completely ready for all of it again. but there are certainly things i miss... or maybe, i just wonder what it all felt like. i dig this guy i've been hanging out with but there are no butterflies, and while i think about him when we're not together, i don't yearn to be with him or anything, i'm not antsy about when we'll next see each other. and i know that those feelings can develop and grow over time... but i miss the way it felt when i realized i really liked face, and how excited i was everyday waiting for him to come over to ardmore and hang out with me. i miss doing something and not being able to wait to tell him - needing to call him at work three times a day just to tell him this stupid thing or that. i think that's what i miss more than anything, the feeling like i just can't contain whatever it is. i don't often feel on the verge of spilling over, about anything, anymore. yeah, that's what i miss.
my relationship brain is still recovering. i've been super casually dating someone for a month now and i dig him, but he's so busy and i'm busy enough that i can't even begin to fathom us being anything more than casual. but is that just because we're busy? or because i'm still out of it. sometimes, mostly when i'm in the shower, i slip into thinking about what it would be like to be with someone again. and that's when i start to miss it a little. i don't feel teased by the time i do spend with those i date (currently, just this one), but there are nights when i'm alone that i wish there was someone there. but i think it's more than that - i sort of a little bit miss having someone to talk to, and to share my day with, someone other than my family (and occasionally my bff's) who knows all the goings-on in my life. and someone who i can get to know, and be with, and listen to, and cook for, and all that shit. but then i slip out of it and i feel not completely ready for all of it again. but there are certainly things i miss... or maybe, i just wonder what it all felt like. i dig this guy i've been hanging out with but there are no butterflies, and while i think about him when we're not together, i don't yearn to be with him or anything, i'm not antsy about when we'll next see each other. and i know that those feelings can develop and grow over time... but i miss the way it felt when i realized i really liked face, and how excited i was everyday waiting for him to come over to ardmore and hang out with me. i miss doing something and not being able to wait to tell him - needing to call him at work three times a day just to tell him this stupid thing or that. i think that's what i miss more than anything, the feeling like i just can't contain whatever it is. i don't often feel on the verge of spilling over, about anything, anymore. yeah, that's what i miss.