Pain and Self Reflection.
As of late i've been in immense pain, i'm suffering from 2 types of pain. One is physical my chest keeps hurting and i'm struggling to breathe at times, it comes and goes as it please. The pain is intense and no one knows i've been going through it lately maybe I should see a doctor, but i'm not a sickly person it's rare for me to be sick and I rather not waste the money to see i'm in perfect health.
The other pain I feel is deep within my chest, my heart. I don't know why but it's hurting a lot more lately than it usually does. I keep my heart guarded and the secrets within it because people can trust me. Is it finally taking it's toll and eating away at bits and pieces of my existence, because I never vent out what I feel? Heh, rereading this I sound like a anime character, but I need to write this for myself if no one else. I was complaining to my mom earlier and she said it was the pain of being lonely. Heh, what does she know?
Something wired to me is i'm stumbling and sometimes I have to lean against things to keep myself up now, maybe i'm finally losing my mental strength and just want to finally die. Even if i do die soon for someone unknown reason i wont allow it to be before i achieve my goal in life to be remembered for something even if it's briefly. I'm not going to quit yet I have things to do and although i'm not strong enough at the moment they will come true i'll make sure of it.
**sighs and closes his eyes before narrowing them while typing this**
I'm don't want pity, I don't want sympathy. This was written as a means to get this off my chest and write it down. I've decided to start writing again and after I post this entry i'm going to begin writing "Destiny" because it's a story that must be told.
I'm stronger than this! I'm to weak to cry, to proud to ask for help and to damn ignorant to admit when I am wrong. I'll show my strength and be resistant to the effects that are taking control of me I have things left to do and nothing is going to stop me from doing them. I'm going to do something amazing just so I can rub it in the face of those who said I couldn't this will make me a cocky egotistical S.O.B. but who fucking cares forcing people to have low self esteem tends to drive them off the deep edge this pain is just a reminder of that promise.
As for this pain in my heart, i'll grow to accept it no matter how intense it is as i'm writing this part it's starting to intensify and making me wince but alas that is life and we all can't be prefect little saints.
This pain servers as a remind of why i'm single and going to stay that way. I deserve this pain and these memories that bind themselves to me none of them pleasant most of them are those bad things I've done and humiliating myself to make me strong than this i'm going to go and continue to wear my coat and hide my emotions from the world because this is what I deserve. I'm bound to this pain this touch of being lonely and i'll fall down but get up and remember why I endure it. It's a Memory of a Self Inflicted Sin and i'll hold it Forever in My Heart.
The only reason I am keeping this public instead of making it a self only read is cause I don't care what people think of me anymore. I'm stable enough to help anyone who wants help, just don't ask me show how I truly feel about anything. I have no emotion besides my empathic abilities, I truly feel like I am a Hollow Shell.
The other pain I feel is deep within my chest, my heart. I don't know why but it's hurting a lot more lately than it usually does. I keep my heart guarded and the secrets within it because people can trust me. Is it finally taking it's toll and eating away at bits and pieces of my existence, because I never vent out what I feel? Heh, rereading this I sound like a anime character, but I need to write this for myself if no one else. I was complaining to my mom earlier and she said it was the pain of being lonely. Heh, what does she know?
Something wired to me is i'm stumbling and sometimes I have to lean against things to keep myself up now, maybe i'm finally losing my mental strength and just want to finally die. Even if i do die soon for someone unknown reason i wont allow it to be before i achieve my goal in life to be remembered for something even if it's briefly. I'm not going to quit yet I have things to do and although i'm not strong enough at the moment they will come true i'll make sure of it.
**sighs and closes his eyes before narrowing them while typing this**
I'm don't want pity, I don't want sympathy. This was written as a means to get this off my chest and write it down. I've decided to start writing again and after I post this entry i'm going to begin writing "Destiny" because it's a story that must be told.
I'm stronger than this! I'm to weak to cry, to proud to ask for help and to damn ignorant to admit when I am wrong. I'll show my strength and be resistant to the effects that are taking control of me I have things left to do and nothing is going to stop me from doing them. I'm going to do something amazing just so I can rub it in the face of those who said I couldn't this will make me a cocky egotistical S.O.B. but who fucking cares forcing people to have low self esteem tends to drive them off the deep edge this pain is just a reminder of that promise.
As for this pain in my heart, i'll grow to accept it no matter how intense it is as i'm writing this part it's starting to intensify and making me wince but alas that is life and we all can't be prefect little saints.
This pain servers as a remind of why i'm single and going to stay that way. I deserve this pain and these memories that bind themselves to me none of them pleasant most of them are those bad things I've done and humiliating myself to make me strong than this i'm going to go and continue to wear my coat and hide my emotions from the world because this is what I deserve. I'm bound to this pain this touch of being lonely and i'll fall down but get up and remember why I endure it. It's a Memory of a Self Inflicted Sin and i'll hold it Forever in My Heart.
The only reason I am keeping this public instead of making it a self only read is cause I don't care what people think of me anymore. I'm stable enough to help anyone who wants help, just don't ask me show how I truly feel about anything. I have no emotion besides my empathic abilities, I truly feel like I am a Hollow Shell.