A difficult life.
I'm in a bit of a difficult situation. Currently I live in a house with 8 people. Shawn, Becky, her three children, her brother, myself and now Joshua.
The problem is, Becky and I had been dating for three years up until this past January when we decided to call it off to preserve the friendship that we still wanted. So it wasn't a nasty breakup, and we (at least I) still care about eachother. In March (much to my dismay, not that I would let her see me be upset for fear of ruining her happiness on her trip) she traveled out west to CA to meet up with Joshua. They have been talking for two years at this point after meeting on OB (OB hookups for the win!).
She returns from CA a week later and I have a breakdown. Not being with her made me realize just how much I loved her, and how much I was willing to do to be with her. However at this point it's too little, too late. So after a week of crying and feeling bad for myself (thus the "waah") I am able to get over it to a point where I feel that I can move forward and try to separate myself from the situation. But when you live with someone that you still love, and there is no-one else for her to pay attention to, you get attached.
In the weeks following, Becky and I probably spent more time together then we had in the previous 6 months of our failing relationship. Then the day came. Last Tuesday Joshua left for his road trip across the country to come live here and by Thursday afternoon he had arrived. I was at work, so it still didn't sink in until I had come home that evening.
So having never spoken to him, finding him in my house was hard to take. I brushed past everybody and went to take a shower, where I had another break down. After composing myself I finished and tried to make nice. I went to see a movie to take my mind off of things. Being in my own home is awkward.
Yesterday I tried to make things work. I spoke with Joshua and am trying my hardest to be friends. He's a very laid back individual and doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this. He lets things happen when they will. So I leave for work and the evening goes onward. I come home, we drink beer and eat dinner/dessert. We watch stand up comedians and laugh a lot.
Time winds down and we all head to bed. However, my "bed" is the couch thats on the other side of the bedroom wall. And I'm going to assume that those of you who have read this far are smart enough to figure out for yourself what happened and what I heard.
I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. I shut down, got dressed and went to sleep out in my car. It helped a bit, although I only got 4 hours of sleep. I can't be mad at either of them. They are two people newly in love and finally able to be with one another, they will do whatever they feel they need to do. However, I'm not sure what I need to do.
I'm single (I won't say alone) and I feel like my confidence is shot. I hate feeling like a fragment of my former self. I used to be very confident and happy all the time. And unfortunately I spend most of the last three years doing things with Becky, so I'm not very familiar with the "going-out-and-mingling" scene.
I can't afford to move out. I can't go live with my parents, and my brother just moved back to VT to be with his fiance. So I ask you. Any ideas? I'm kind of falling apart here.
The problem is, Becky and I had been dating for three years up until this past January when we decided to call it off to preserve the friendship that we still wanted. So it wasn't a nasty breakup, and we (at least I) still care about eachother. In March (much to my dismay, not that I would let her see me be upset for fear of ruining her happiness on her trip) she traveled out west to CA to meet up with Joshua. They have been talking for two years at this point after meeting on OB (OB hookups for the win!).
She returns from CA a week later and I have a breakdown. Not being with her made me realize just how much I loved her, and how much I was willing to do to be with her. However at this point it's too little, too late. So after a week of crying and feeling bad for myself (thus the "waah") I am able to get over it to a point where I feel that I can move forward and try to separate myself from the situation. But when you live with someone that you still love, and there is no-one else for her to pay attention to, you get attached.
In the weeks following, Becky and I probably spent more time together then we had in the previous 6 months of our failing relationship. Then the day came. Last Tuesday Joshua left for his road trip across the country to come live here and by Thursday afternoon he had arrived. I was at work, so it still didn't sink in until I had come home that evening.
So having never spoken to him, finding him in my house was hard to take. I brushed past everybody and went to take a shower, where I had another break down. After composing myself I finished and tried to make nice. I went to see a movie to take my mind off of things. Being in my own home is awkward.
Yesterday I tried to make things work. I spoke with Joshua and am trying my hardest to be friends. He's a very laid back individual and doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this. He lets things happen when they will. So I leave for work and the evening goes onward. I come home, we drink beer and eat dinner/dessert. We watch stand up comedians and laugh a lot.
Time winds down and we all head to bed. However, my "bed" is the couch thats on the other side of the bedroom wall. And I'm going to assume that those of you who have read this far are smart enough to figure out for yourself what happened and what I heard.
I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. I shut down, got dressed and went to sleep out in my car. It helped a bit, although I only got 4 hours of sleep. I can't be mad at either of them. They are two people newly in love and finally able to be with one another, they will do whatever they feel they need to do. However, I'm not sure what I need to do.
I'm single (I won't say alone) and I feel like my confidence is shot. I hate feeling like a fragment of my former self. I used to be very confident and happy all the time. And unfortunately I spend most of the last three years doing things with Becky, so I'm not very familiar with the "going-out-and-mingling" scene.
I can't afford to move out. I can't go live with my parents, and my brother just moved back to VT to be with his fiance. So I ask you. Any ideas? I'm kind of falling apart here.