There's Beauty in the breakdown
After forever, I heard from a good friend of mine... someone I hadn't heard from in a really long time. I felt really guilty for a lot of things, bad for the things i let happen last year, and the issues I'm dealing with now...
I wanted to tell her everything... everything i can't tell anyone else. Something made me think that she was hurting just as much as I was... and we've both burried ourselves, alienated ourselves. I heard her talking, and I heard something farmiliar. She didn't know it was me at first... She called the "wrong Liz"... And just like she misses the life she had, and I can tell she's desperate for the old days, I felt like i was talking to myself, and hearing myself talk... trying to cover up things that hurt... say I was fine...
last year was the best year... but it was the worst year.
I miss my friends.
I'm lonely.
I'm constantly worried about money.
I miss Jesus so much...
I need to focus on him, but I've forgotten how.
I miss having someone I could rely on and trust.
I want a humble heart.
I want to stand up from my fall, but I can't find my feet... they're too busy dancing on their own.
I want to live for something besides myself.
I don't want to fail.
I'm miserable.
I'm lazy and complacent and tired, and I've done nothing.
I'm desperate for the relationship i had with Jesus before this year. I'm hungry for passion, because I know I dont have it. I'm sick of selfishness.
I want to be honest. I want to be real.
but I'm still hiding behind a "good christian mask" trying to pretend like everything is going my way. When everything is running the oposite way. Everyone is running the oposite way.
and all of us, all my friends hurt the same. We hurt too much to help each other. We don't care.
and I want to start caring again.
I want to love people again.
I want to be pure and holy before God, and not feel filthy and worldly all the time. I want to give God what he deserves... but all i have is myself.and if myself is all I can give Him, I want to be the best i can be.... i want to do things that will please him... i want Him to love me.
i know he does... but I want to make him happy.
~~Foreverly
I wanted to tell her everything... everything i can't tell anyone else. Something made me think that she was hurting just as much as I was... and we've both burried ourselves, alienated ourselves. I heard her talking, and I heard something farmiliar. She didn't know it was me at first... She called the "wrong Liz"... And just like she misses the life she had, and I can tell she's desperate for the old days, I felt like i was talking to myself, and hearing myself talk... trying to cover up things that hurt... say I was fine...
last year was the best year... but it was the worst year.
I miss my friends.
I'm lonely.
I'm constantly worried about money.
I miss Jesus so much...
I need to focus on him, but I've forgotten how.
I miss having someone I could rely on and trust.
I want a humble heart.
I want to stand up from my fall, but I can't find my feet... they're too busy dancing on their own.
I want to live for something besides myself.
I don't want to fail.
I'm miserable.
I'm lazy and complacent and tired, and I've done nothing.
I'm desperate for the relationship i had with Jesus before this year. I'm hungry for passion, because I know I dont have it. I'm sick of selfishness.
I want to be honest. I want to be real.
but I'm still hiding behind a "good christian mask" trying to pretend like everything is going my way. When everything is running the oposite way. Everyone is running the oposite way.
and all of us, all my friends hurt the same. We hurt too much to help each other. We don't care.
and I want to start caring again.
I want to love people again.
I want to be pure and holy before God, and not feel filthy and worldly all the time. I want to give God what he deserves... but all i have is myself.and if myself is all I can give Him, I want to be the best i can be.... i want to do things that will please him... i want Him to love me.
i know he does... but I want to make him happy.
~~Foreverly