Thank you!
First of all, I would like to thank all of you that prayed for me! I appreciate it so much! It seems as if the older I get, the more serious things are to me and late at night things seem so much worse as well. Thanks though!
Well, finals are coming up and I have yet to be motivated to study for them. I'm going to die on my Chinese one if I don't though. Two are take home essay exams, which are great other than the fact that I have to work long hours in my room on them. Enough complaining though-I threw a lingerie party for my old roommate today and it was fun! The only problem was that her fiance's mom was there, lol! She's really nice and funny, but I was a bit embarrassed to give Danielle what I gave her. (which I'll refrain from mentioning) We had an old joke that related to what I gave her and wouldn't normally make it a gift of choice-even at such a party, lol. The part of the shower that was good had nothing to do with sex though, lol. It made me really happy to see her so excited about getting married! I still hope that one day I'll find someone who fits just right with me that I can spend the rest of my life with! Unfortunately though, marriage is scary to think ab sometimes. I'm so scared that I won't find the right one and settle for another who is just "good enough." On the flip side, what if I end up being too picky? Its frustrating because this is a decision that I don't take lightly. Thats why I don't see myself marrying for quite a while, which is fine because I'm not even quite 21. The whole courting/dating thing is frustrating though. I love intimate relationships-not physical intimacy, but I love having someone that I can tell anything to, know everything about. I love knowing that someone thinks I'm special whether I am made up or completely bumming because they really know me. That's why its hard for me to stay single for a long time; I get lonely, and I don't have enough intimate friendships to suffice. That got me thinking about how I view God and how I look at Him so differently than my other friends or boyfriends. I was kinda complaining to him the other day ab how I just wished that I could have that kind of relationship because I missed it and He spoke to me. When God speaks to me or reveals something to me its not this plain or boring and it usually comes to me all at once then I asses it, but this summarizes what He said + my jumbled response. It's like he was telling me that my longing was the same He had for me-and my thought back to him was almost like I was saying "you're not real"(real=human, tangible)" but I was also thinking of Him in an ancient old man way. The point of this is that it basically it shocked me into realizing that I had, once again, put God in a box to simplify my point. I had created my own God instead of seeing God for who he really is-and that is anything but outdated, stuffy or distant. I've been reading a book called "wild at heart which I hope to complete tonight before I go to sleep. Its so awesome and it helped me see how God made men to be wild, but I also learned alot about females and humans in general, along with gaining a new perspective on who Jesus is and how the Church often paints him as a wimp, and that is not the savior I know and love. Its funny; I know so much about God and Jesus, but as soon as I forget how real and personal they are, the knowledge is simply knowledge.
Oh, btw, I saw 3rd day in Nashville last night-awesome concert!!! And I am finally getting excited ab being pres of BPLP next semester. As long as I realize that I can't change the world, but I can make a difference, which actually does change a small part of the world and I guess everything that effects something effects something else and...I'm stopping now before I take the weight of the world on my shoulders because I will if I'm not careful! Danielle reminded me today that God's ways are not my own-they are so much higher! Thats something I should remind myself every once in a while-I sleep better at night knowing that!
Well, finals are coming up and I have yet to be motivated to study for them. I'm going to die on my Chinese one if I don't though. Two are take home essay exams, which are great other than the fact that I have to work long hours in my room on them. Enough complaining though-I threw a lingerie party for my old roommate today and it was fun! The only problem was that her fiance's mom was there, lol! She's really nice and funny, but I was a bit embarrassed to give Danielle what I gave her. (which I'll refrain from mentioning) We had an old joke that related to what I gave her and wouldn't normally make it a gift of choice-even at such a party, lol. The part of the shower that was good had nothing to do with sex though, lol. It made me really happy to see her so excited about getting married! I still hope that one day I'll find someone who fits just right with me that I can spend the rest of my life with! Unfortunately though, marriage is scary to think ab sometimes. I'm so scared that I won't find the right one and settle for another who is just "good enough." On the flip side, what if I end up being too picky? Its frustrating because this is a decision that I don't take lightly. Thats why I don't see myself marrying for quite a while, which is fine because I'm not even quite 21. The whole courting/dating thing is frustrating though. I love intimate relationships-not physical intimacy, but I love having someone that I can tell anything to, know everything about. I love knowing that someone thinks I'm special whether I am made up or completely bumming because they really know me. That's why its hard for me to stay single for a long time; I get lonely, and I don't have enough intimate friendships to suffice. That got me thinking about how I view God and how I look at Him so differently than my other friends or boyfriends. I was kinda complaining to him the other day ab how I just wished that I could have that kind of relationship because I missed it and He spoke to me. When God speaks to me or reveals something to me its not this plain or boring and it usually comes to me all at once then I asses it, but this summarizes what He said + my jumbled response. It's like he was telling me that my longing was the same He had for me-and my thought back to him was almost like I was saying "you're not real"(real=human, tangible)" but I was also thinking of Him in an ancient old man way. The point of this is that it basically it shocked me into realizing that I had, once again, put God in a box to simplify my point. I had created my own God instead of seeing God for who he really is-and that is anything but outdated, stuffy or distant. I've been reading a book called "wild at heart which I hope to complete tonight before I go to sleep. Its so awesome and it helped me see how God made men to be wild, but I also learned alot about females and humans in general, along with gaining a new perspective on who Jesus is and how the Church often paints him as a wimp, and that is not the savior I know and love. Its funny; I know so much about God and Jesus, but as soon as I forget how real and personal they are, the knowledge is simply knowledge.
Oh, btw, I saw 3rd day in Nashville last night-awesome concert!!! And I am finally getting excited ab being pres of BPLP next semester. As long as I realize that I can't change the world, but I can make a difference, which actually does change a small part of the world and I guess everything that effects something effects something else and...I'm stopping now before I take the weight of the world on my shoulders because I will if I'm not careful! Danielle reminded me today that God's ways are not my own-they are so much higher! Thats something I should remind myself every once in a while-I sleep better at night knowing that!