Day 1. The Plan:
Today is the day that I am going to crack down on my fucking eating habits. I actually didn't purge my lunch from Renfrew...and thinking back...I don't realize what the fuck I was thinking. That was just a ridiculous idea not to do. At work, by 7:30pm I was so hungry, since I didn't eat since 12:30pm...I ate a granola bar...but once I ate the granola bar, I was like I have to b/p. So, I bought like 4 candy bars and 2 cookies from work. I ate the 2 cookies there. When I got home, I asked my mom what she made for dinner and she said she made some type of meat and mashed potatoes. I was so pissed because it isn't something I enjoy b/ping on, but I shoveled some mashed potatoes in, just to make the purge easier. After purging, I told my mom about my progress on not throwing up my lunch....but of course she snapped back with the comment "Well you just threw up your food now." Technically she's right...but it seemed like an accomplishment for me. Anyways, after that, I felt like shit, so I just wanted to b/p so badly, but I couldn't because I was afraid my mom would notice, so I decided to have 3 small plates of salad with some spray dressing and spray butter. Then I ate some peanut butter...not that much though, which was surprising (usually I would eat like 1/2 a jar). Then I ate a Butterfinger bar. After eating the peanut butter and candy bar I feel like shit, but I decided not to purge it, but I don't really feel full, and it sucks puking when I feel like I can't.
To make up for eating the peanut butter and candy bar, I am not going to eat lunch at Renfrew tomorrow. I know I'll get bitched at and blahblahblah...but who gives a shit. I MUST lose this fucking weight. It's getting a little ridiculous the way I look. Plus, I would rather focus on not eating, and cutting down on b/p, because b/p is not helping me lose weight....its just helping me maintain my weight. Since I don't really have any friends to chill with or a boyfriend, I figured might as well focus on losing the weight I gained the past couple of months. Plus, if I stop b/p, it will get my mom off my back and will help me.
Anyways, before..about 15 minutes ago...I was about to eat another candy bar when I made myself put it down and pick up a book I am reading to keep my mind off eating the candy. Then, I decided to start writing on my lj again. I feel so empowered...even though I ate the peanut butter and candy bar before. But, that was back at like 9-9:30ish and it is now 12:12 (make a wish..."help me lose weight") and starts off a new day. I have MFG tomorrow....I am figuring...go to Renfrew..chill there, not eat lunch, so I don't have to deal with the anxiety of purging my food somewhere. Then, go to Starbucks and stuff my face with caffeffine and chat on my laptop. Hopefully my plan will work. *fingers crossed*
To make up for eating the peanut butter and candy bar, I am not going to eat lunch at Renfrew tomorrow. I know I'll get bitched at and blahblahblah...but who gives a shit. I MUST lose this fucking weight. It's getting a little ridiculous the way I look. Plus, I would rather focus on not eating, and cutting down on b/p, because b/p is not helping me lose weight....its just helping me maintain my weight. Since I don't really have any friends to chill with or a boyfriend, I figured might as well focus on losing the weight I gained the past couple of months. Plus, if I stop b/p, it will get my mom off my back and will help me.
Anyways, before..about 15 minutes ago...I was about to eat another candy bar when I made myself put it down and pick up a book I am reading to keep my mind off eating the candy. Then, I decided to start writing on my lj again. I feel so empowered...even though I ate the peanut butter and candy bar before. But, that was back at like 9-9:30ish and it is now 12:12 (make a wish..."help me lose weight") and starts off a new day. I have MFG tomorrow....I am figuring...go to Renfrew..chill there, not eat lunch, so I don't have to deal with the anxiety of purging my food somewhere. Then, go to Starbucks and stuff my face with caffeffine and chat on my laptop. Hopefully my plan will work. *fingers crossed*