(no subject)
Dear friend,
Do you know what it's like to hate youself so much that all you can do is find ways to destroy yourself? It isn't even a choice you make. You're just addicted to being self-destructive. You wake up in the middle of the night. Your pillow is soaking wet. Your hair is cacked to your face. You're shaking and crying. You're having cold sweats. You're breathing rapidly. At random times during the day, you break down. Anything can cause it. If anything causes it at all. You lose control. You have to lock yourself in a bathroom stall or curl up in your blanket cocoon out of fear of what you'll do to yourself. Your family doesn't believe it's really happening. They just think you're craving attention and trying to make their life difficult.
My own mother is convinced that I'm bi-polar. Maybe I am. I don't know. I think I'm just wishing for something to blame it on. I don't know. I'm just a fucked up little girl in need of a reality check.
Love,
Amanda
Do you know what it's like to hate youself so much that all you can do is find ways to destroy yourself? It isn't even a choice you make. You're just addicted to being self-destructive. You wake up in the middle of the night. Your pillow is soaking wet. Your hair is cacked to your face. You're shaking and crying. You're having cold sweats. You're breathing rapidly. At random times during the day, you break down. Anything can cause it. If anything causes it at all. You lose control. You have to lock yourself in a bathroom stall or curl up in your blanket cocoon out of fear of what you'll do to yourself. Your family doesn't believe it's really happening. They just think you're craving attention and trying to make their life difficult.
My own mother is convinced that I'm bi-polar. Maybe I am. I don't know. I think I'm just wishing for something to blame it on. I don't know. I'm just a fucked up little girl in need of a reality check.
Love,
Amanda