Sometimes i wish i could just curl up and disapear.
I hate loosing friends, but it was probably for the best... the worst part is, he doesnt even care and at the same time its tearing me apart. i want to be alone, i want to just not know anyone... im sick of all the gossip and drama between all my friends i wish they would all grow up.
my mom saw me in another one of my break downs last night and she thinks im suicidal... which im not btw. i hate it when my mom sees me crying. it sucks knowing that i cant cry, especially not here... or at school, the last thing i need is my "friends" at strath to feel sorry for me or even worse think im looking for attention. most of them are all so caught up in their own lifes that i doubt they would notice me anyways. everyone at strath thinks im a goth... how pathedic is that? i hate labels. so effing much. no one should be able to label anyone. and no one should have to live by other peoples labels.
i'm not close friends with anyone anymore... i've spoken to shawn and mark maybe 8 times in the past three months, i never talk to melanie anymore and haven't seen her since december, carlyes to busy with work and i never talk or hang out with her, allyson is so annoying that her voice makes me ill, lauras always hanging out with olivia now a days, im not even speaking with alex anymore which i really regret... but its for the best i suppose, either way he doesnt seem to care. bens one of my friends but i dont know... i cant explain mine and bens friendship, and as for koadie... i mean i <3 him... and he was my bestfriend but now that we're dating its different. i feel so alone lately. i wish i could move far, far away and then i would have a reason to be miserable and lonely instead of here... where there really isnt a reason? i dont even get why im so sad lately... it doesnt make sense... i guess im just in one of those moods.... hopefully it will pass soon enough.
my mom saw me in another one of my break downs last night and she thinks im suicidal... which im not btw. i hate it when my mom sees me crying. it sucks knowing that i cant cry, especially not here... or at school, the last thing i need is my "friends" at strath to feel sorry for me or even worse think im looking for attention. most of them are all so caught up in their own lifes that i doubt they would notice me anyways. everyone at strath thinks im a goth... how pathedic is that? i hate labels. so effing much. no one should be able to label anyone. and no one should have to live by other peoples labels.
i'm not close friends with anyone anymore... i've spoken to shawn and mark maybe 8 times in the past three months, i never talk to melanie anymore and haven't seen her since december, carlyes to busy with work and i never talk or hang out with her, allyson is so annoying that her voice makes me ill, lauras always hanging out with olivia now a days, im not even speaking with alex anymore which i really regret... but its for the best i suppose, either way he doesnt seem to care. bens one of my friends but i dont know... i cant explain mine and bens friendship, and as for koadie... i mean i <3 him... and he was my bestfriend but now that we're dating its different. i feel so alone lately. i wish i could move far, far away and then i would have a reason to be miserable and lonely instead of here... where there really isnt a reason? i dont even get why im so sad lately... it doesnt make sense... i guess im just in one of those moods.... hopefully it will pass soon enough.