(no subject)

[forevereternity]

I reevaluate every single day. I want something different for myself every night when I hit the pillow. I think something different about my life with each passing glance. I think it's good that I look at myself so often. I mean sometimes it drives you crazy, thinking so much. In the long run I keep myself in check though. Recently I've been sort of all over the place. I've let a new people into my life and I think my view on being social and making friends has fundamentally changed. In a good way. I mean I'm definitely in a much better place then three years ago when I would get panicky about talking to any and everyone. It's changed me some though. I lose sight of myself in the mass of people sometimes, which really isn't okay. I need to work on that. I really do want to be a good person. I really don't want to do things out of character for me. It's bound to happen, and I'm bound to change, I just really need to make sure I'm moving in the right direction. It occurred to me the other day that my social life will have very little impact on my future or on my personal life decisions. Don't get me wrong, I recognize that it's important. I need to find balance. I think that has been my big problem throughout my life.

I want to rededicate some of my time to academia, to personal time. I want to spend more time at church and doing volunteer work. I also really want to tackle a new outdoor sport like hiking or boating or rock climbing. It's about time I did something with my passion. I miss being a good girl, you know? Not that I'm a bad girl by any means, I just really want to find that niche of positive energy I've been lacking recently.

Balance. That's my new goal. I want to be sure of whatever it is I end up doing with my time, with my life.