"Getting comfy, getting perfect is what I live for..."
Things have been totally fucked lately. Very unpredictable. Somehow I always get into potentially explosive situations and can't fix them. But it's been different than usual. I don't know. For the first time in forever I feel sort of like a person, like not completely empty, but empty enough so that what I do have just shakes around and has no outlet. I can't articulate anything, even in my head.
I lost myself gradually and pretty completely.
Probably I'm just brain-damaged.
There has been some talk of the beautiful Henrietta (AKA Jen) moving in for the summer, which would be rad, because I want to have an actual summer this summer. I got gypped last year hardcore.
I've gotten to see some old friends briefly (Rob, Roman and Angela, and Seth) which is really cool and weird. It's so crazy because I have done nothing but abuse myself since I've seen anyone and it's odd to see where they're at. I should be graduating college next year. I won't go on.
I accidentally talked to Derek for a minute on the phone the other day. Caught him off-guard. He obviously didn't wanna talk, not that I expected him to. He's never wanted my friendship, but I hope he still knows I'm thinking of him. One person who is actually in more trouble than I am.
Mostly when I'm not with Kevin I hang out with Savannah or Michelle, and sometimes Lyle. I got to see Ukulele like last week. Most weekends we go to Timmy P's where it is all right but I don't drink and it's not the same as having my own friends. I don't know how to make and have friends anymore. My priorities are fiercely incompatible with basically anything else.
I wish I were sixteen again or oblivious or both.
"I wish I were like you, easily amused." -Nirvana
I keep hoping I'll get better through some miraculous cure for being me.
I lost myself gradually and pretty completely.
Probably I'm just brain-damaged.
There has been some talk of the beautiful Henrietta (AKA Jen) moving in for the summer, which would be rad, because I want to have an actual summer this summer. I got gypped last year hardcore.
I've gotten to see some old friends briefly (Rob, Roman and Angela, and Seth) which is really cool and weird. It's so crazy because I have done nothing but abuse myself since I've seen anyone and it's odd to see where they're at. I should be graduating college next year. I won't go on.
I accidentally talked to Derek for a minute on the phone the other day. Caught him off-guard. He obviously didn't wanna talk, not that I expected him to. He's never wanted my friendship, but I hope he still knows I'm thinking of him. One person who is actually in more trouble than I am.
Mostly when I'm not with Kevin I hang out with Savannah or Michelle, and sometimes Lyle. I got to see Ukulele like last week. Most weekends we go to Timmy P's where it is all right but I don't drink and it's not the same as having my own friends. I don't know how to make and have friends anymore. My priorities are fiercely incompatible with basically anything else.
I wish I were sixteen again or oblivious or both.
"I wish I were like you, easily amused." -Nirvana
I keep hoping I'll get better through some miraculous cure for being me.