Prayers

[foreverbratty]

My prayers always go unanswered so no point in keeping them between me and god, right? Well I am almost 30 and just like everyone else there was always things I wanted to have accomplished. I wanted to work at a daycare, oh well. I wanted to get married, I didn't even get the privilege of meeting my love until my late 20's. So I guess whatever. What I wanted most was to have children. what hurts the most is that I don't. I have to deal with the reality that God has a sick sense of humor. He made me as a Joke. I was born wanting nothing more than to have children of my own, loving children so much it hurts that I can't keep them. The Joke is that it is me he decided that I am not allowed to have children. I am destine to be only an aunt, only a babysitter, never a mommy. yeah sure I will never have to pay for college or worry about if my kids have insurance, but I will never see my children learn to walk or say mommy. I will never have to console my daughter when she gets her first broken heart or have "the talk", but I will never see her walk down the isle with her dad or see my son marry the woman of his dreams to have babies of their own. I will never have to worry that my kid will be a mom at 14 but I will never hear the words congratulations your a grandmother. Things that so many people take for granite I will never get the chance at.

And I was crazy enough to fix Layla (my dog) so even she can give me grand-babies.