(no subject)

[foreverbotched]

when i speak words from a
jealous, and callous, lonlely
tongue,
i speak them with the intention to inflame.
an action performed solely to receive a reaction,
sometimes being my only form of interaction,
yes its sad,
i know.

why i test people around me i dont know,
i push to see how hard you pull.
and ive come to see,
that the immaturity in me,
is just crying out for attention.
i point fingers and call people names
to relieve myself from the insecurities
that can cripple a man such as myself.

and like i said i try all these to see how much people care,
and in the end my actions have the opposite effect,
people start to care less.
i guess things just arent fun for me enless they are difficult.

and lately it looks as though ive have tried to turn my back,
and maybe you have a little as well,
but i can speak for myself when i say that i never can.
i always come to my senses,
but most of the time not soon enough.

ive come to realize that
if i cant love you,
i try to hate you,
only to make loving you
easier i guess.
if i cant have you,
then i tell myself i dont want you,
but i know that is a lie.

i wish i was better at talking with people.
unfortunately im not,
my emotions become stale, bottled, bitter and burnt
like a pot of coffee that was left on the flame.

i know these words would be better off spoken to you face to face,
but the timid cowardly lion in me,
is forced to try to convey this to you
in the only way i can.

i will never deny the thought of you.