kind of a long one...
i want to go dancing. it releases my stress i think. i love when everyone actually gets into it and it doesnt matter if you can dance hella good or not, everyone's out there and its' hella crowded. the energy is nuts and everyone's having the most fun possible. that's what i feel like doing right now.
i'm stressing a lot about graduation. It's so freaking soon. i want to be excited, but i can't let myself get excited until i know i will graduate. and right now, i dont know that. I'm not aloud to move to california if i don't. I cant stay here any longer. if i dont graduate i'm at least leaving the area. I cant be with the people that think they know me, judge me from what they hear, or think my past is who i am. I'm done all of it. The next three months are going to be hard if i do graduate and get to move down there, i cant imagine how hard it would be to stay here....not graduate...and be on ANOTHER year of school. i couldnt do it. i am almost done with my online class, so that should be okay now...i need to pass material science, math, englsih....i just dont have the drive anymore. but i should, wit my wanting to graduate so bad and all. but i don't know.
I dropped kassidy off at the church last tuesday and the new building is nuts. i mean freaking crazy. i went in to look around and bumped into amber and ashby and a few other people. i CANNOT tell you how good it was to see ashby. i miss her so much. i want to catch up with you, if your reading this. I LOVE YOU. i was kinda thinking about going, but i dont feel like i belong there. and i dont like being uncomfortable, naturally, so i try not to put myself in those situations...
I dont understand boys. and i know this is typical, so if you dont want to read about it,stop reading. i'm...."with"....this guy zack now. I've been with him before and he kinda left me hanging. and then after stephen and i were over, we kinda got back together, but we've never been offical. then stephen flipped shit and zack broke it off. leaving me hanging again. yes, yes...red flags, whatever. i didnt notice them. a while has passed now and somehow zack ended up was my tolo date and we've been talking ever since. everything is really really good with us, but as usual, we're not offical. He doesn't want to be make it that way cuz he knows i'm moving to california kinda soon and he doesnt want to get attached and then have to deal with that, which yes, makes sense. but why can me say he wants it to be just me and him, im his girl he's my nigga type of shit, but not boyfriend girlfriend. it seems like you can get just as attached how we are and he obviously has gotten a lot more attached this time then the previous times. i think the main thing is that i don't understand why we can't be offically together if we're both not seeing other people, want to be together, call each other baby, hang out, talk every day....the whole deal. it's gay.
i love hearing other peoples thoughts, suggestions, whatever....so go for it.
i'm stressing a lot about graduation. It's so freaking soon. i want to be excited, but i can't let myself get excited until i know i will graduate. and right now, i dont know that. I'm not aloud to move to california if i don't. I cant stay here any longer. if i dont graduate i'm at least leaving the area. I cant be with the people that think they know me, judge me from what they hear, or think my past is who i am. I'm done all of it. The next three months are going to be hard if i do graduate and get to move down there, i cant imagine how hard it would be to stay here....not graduate...and be on ANOTHER year of school. i couldnt do it. i am almost done with my online class, so that should be okay now...i need to pass material science, math, englsih....i just dont have the drive anymore. but i should, wit my wanting to graduate so bad and all. but i don't know.
I dropped kassidy off at the church last tuesday and the new building is nuts. i mean freaking crazy. i went in to look around and bumped into amber and ashby and a few other people. i CANNOT tell you how good it was to see ashby. i miss her so much. i want to catch up with you, if your reading this. I LOVE YOU. i was kinda thinking about going, but i dont feel like i belong there. and i dont like being uncomfortable, naturally, so i try not to put myself in those situations...
I dont understand boys. and i know this is typical, so if you dont want to read about it,stop reading. i'm...."with"....this guy zack now. I've been with him before and he kinda left me hanging. and then after stephen and i were over, we kinda got back together, but we've never been offical. then stephen flipped shit and zack broke it off. leaving me hanging again. yes, yes...red flags, whatever. i didnt notice them. a while has passed now and somehow zack ended up was my tolo date and we've been talking ever since. everything is really really good with us, but as usual, we're not offical. He doesn't want to be make it that way cuz he knows i'm moving to california kinda soon and he doesnt want to get attached and then have to deal with that, which yes, makes sense. but why can me say he wants it to be just me and him, im his girl he's my nigga type of shit, but not boyfriend girlfriend. it seems like you can get just as attached how we are and he obviously has gotten a lot more attached this time then the previous times. i think the main thing is that i don't understand why we can't be offically together if we're both not seeing other people, want to be together, call each other baby, hang out, talk every day....the whole deal. it's gay.
i love hearing other peoples thoughts, suggestions, whatever....so go for it.