life as i know it
Recently I have come to the realization that nothing works out exactly as you plan and things aren't always what they seem. Growing up I had this image, this image of my life and the people in it. Always questioning myself and my capability of being loved. I always felt I wasn't good enough, even for the people who are supposed to love and care for me forever. Now, I'm starting to realize how totally wrong I was. Things that I thought happened, didn't, and people who I thought would never care, care more than I can imagine. I just got back from visiting my mom in New Hampshire. We went to my aunt's wedding and I saw family I haven't seen since I was a very young child. I used to think none of them cared, especially my mom. And that damaged me so much. But, now, I feel that my eyes have been opened. I was a victim of circumstance and two people's anger and hatered for one another. But now, I'm an active participate in a happy and healthy relationship with my mother!! I never thought I'd see the day. I miss her so much, but the time I get to see her is simply the best. I have communication with my brother, something I never thought I'd have again. The immense amount of weight that has taken off my shoulders is beyond description. My heart feels light and happy!!
After an absolutely amazing trip, I have to leave and come back home to Michigan and to reality. And you know what...that was the best part of the trip!!
Anthony shows up at the airport with a dozen red and pink roses. He takes me back to the apartment him and I share and call our home. He even cleaned and straightened everything up for my return! We then share a night full of laughter and talking and drinking wine. I show him the pictures of my rediscovered family and he looks on with sincere interest. Then, he goes outside with me to sit while I have a cigarette(something he does NOT approve of) and he jokes with me and kisses my cheek over and over again. I turn and look at him, my heart bursting with love, and at that moment I realize there is no one else in the world I'd rather be sitting next to. There is not one other person who makes me smile as often or laugh as hard. There is no one else who understands my crazy, odd habits and actually likes them. He is my best friend and there is no one else in the world I'd rather lay next to every night. No one else I'd be willing to let steal the covers and no one else whose snoring I'd put up with. I love him with every inch of my heart and I want to share myself with him for the rest of my life. Forever.
Having become an adult, I've learned that the only thing you can ever listen to is your heart. Only you know what is right and what is wrong. And you can spend your whole life making a plan and believing you know what is in store for you, but no matter how things end up, the only thing that counts is that you appreciate what you have and understand that your entire life is going to be filled with ups and downs. And it's the up times, no matter how few or far between, that make life worth living.
After an absolutely amazing trip, I have to leave and come back home to Michigan and to reality. And you know what...that was the best part of the trip!!
Anthony shows up at the airport with a dozen red and pink roses. He takes me back to the apartment him and I share and call our home. He even cleaned and straightened everything up for my return! We then share a night full of laughter and talking and drinking wine. I show him the pictures of my rediscovered family and he looks on with sincere interest. Then, he goes outside with me to sit while I have a cigarette(something he does NOT approve of) and he jokes with me and kisses my cheek over and over again. I turn and look at him, my heart bursting with love, and at that moment I realize there is no one else in the world I'd rather be sitting next to. There is not one other person who makes me smile as often or laugh as hard. There is no one else who understands my crazy, odd habits and actually likes them. He is my best friend and there is no one else in the world I'd rather lay next to every night. No one else I'd be willing to let steal the covers and no one else whose snoring I'd put up with. I love him with every inch of my heart and I want to share myself with him for the rest of my life. Forever.
Having become an adult, I've learned that the only thing you can ever listen to is your heart. Only you know what is right and what is wrong. And you can spend your whole life making a plan and believing you know what is in store for you, but no matter how things end up, the only thing that counts is that you appreciate what you have and understand that your entire life is going to be filled with ups and downs. And it's the up times, no matter how few or far between, that make life worth living.