(no subject)
Omg i just really have 2 write. I dont know whats goin on. I just feel so alone. So empty. Im really going through so much right now. Ive just been not showing it. Because of weed. But deep down its not helping. It just makes things 100x worse. Ugh. But what can u do when ur addicted? I dont have the time, patience, or nerves for therapy. I think that would make everything just more hectic. More CrAzY. What have i gotten myself into? Im breaking down. I have no one 2 turn 2. Sometimes i think i should run away. But i have nowhere 2 go. It seems everything i want 2 do will just make things worse for me. I cant stand my life right now. I mean i love Brian, but its just more stress added on. Not only do i have to make time for school, homework, family, friends, weed, social life, all that other stuff... but i have 2 make time for a b/f. I cant break it off with Brian. I love him so fuckin much its un~real. I want him 2 be my b/f. Its just not helpin right now. Im probly not bein a good g/f right now. And im so sorry Brian! I love u darlin*. What am i gonna do guys? U need 2 help a friend right now. Im stuck. Im lost. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going out of my mind right now. Save me. Somebody. Weed just doesnt seem 2 be solvin anything right now. I cant cut down. During all this stress and shit, it only makes me smoke weed MORE AND MORE. Then that leads 2 other stuff. Thats a whole diff. story. I need so much help. Its not even funny. I cant go 2 anyone. My mom wont help. I cant tell her about weed. She will just kick my ass and probly throw me out. Then what? Then im screwed 4 life. Geezuz. Im so fucked up right now i dont even think i can go on at this point. Im at the point where im going 2 cut. I know thats not something 2 say public-ly but U DONT UNDERSTAND! This is seriously where im at. No ones even tryin 2 help. That just makes me feel 50x worse. I feel like no one out there cares the least bit about me. U dont even try 2 help and im dying inside. I dont want this 2 sound kor*nee or nething but its so true. U got 2 help me cuz im going crazy. I need somebody. Anybody. I dont care who u r at this point. Even if i dont like u. I will like u if u try 2 help.
<\\3Olivia