[One-Shot] Simplicity Doesn't Exist
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this”
-B.o.B. Airplanes featuring Hayley Williams
“What’s happened to us?”
He hands abruptly stops, hovering on top of the lettered buttons.
“What are you talking about?”
“This. Us. We’re living under the same roof yet you feel so far away. You’re too far away from me Junsu-ah”.
“I’m right here Yoochun”.
“Why are you being like this?”
“Being like what? I’m not being like anything?”
“Why are so damn foreign about this? You’ve been so fucking cold these few weeks! Tell me what’s wrong?”
The back of Yoochun’s hand brushes against the younger man’s cheek, he had yearned to touch Junsu for so long.
The sensation of Yoochun's touch no longer had the same effect it once did. His skin no longer tingled, his heart no longer pounded against his chest.
Junsu’s fingers clench in between the grooves of the keyboard.
I don’t know what’s wrong Yoochun-ah.
His cups the older man’s hand as it lingers for a second before he pulls the hand away from his face.
“Nothing’s wrong...”
“This is the problem with you, you can't face up to reality. Open your eyes! Can’t you see?”
“See what?! There’s nothing to see, we’re fine!”
“Ha, fine?! We’re close to over, and you think we’re fine!? Don’t you want to save us? How long can you endure this for? I don’t know how longer I can fight this for if you don’t fight with me Junsu-ah.”
Their hearts are tightening in a grip that’s causing this uncontrollable pain. Junsu’s confused and he’s dragging his lover down with him.
I'm not worth the fight though.
“Don’t fight then! Go! Leave me!”
His flame was slowing dying. Junsu was slowly pushing his lover away and he didn’t know whether it was the right thing to do. His thoughts were not right. His actions were not right. This wasn’t right.
The door slams shut.
His head collapses onto his arms.
What the fuck’s wrong with me?
When the lovers kissed, he took over Junsu’s mind. When the lovers made love, his name was on the tip of Junsu’s tongue. When the lovers touched, Junsu wished it was that of his.
Fists smash against the keys; his document filled with meaningless words and confused red squiggles as a result. Just like his thoughts.
Why are you constantly on my mind? Why are you taking over my heart?
The door clicks open.
“Yoochun, I- Oh, Jaejoong-ah”.
His heart wants to escape.
“What’s happened? Why is Yoochun so upset?”
“Where is he?”
“I told him to cool down at my place. What’s happened?”
“No-nothing”.
“Yoochun is in tears and it’s the result of nothing?!”
Junsu’s head hangs in guilt.
I’m so sorry Yoochun-ah.
“It’s was just an argument...”
“Look, what’s with the both of you lately? Arguments as frequent as these are not healthy in a relationship like yours.”
“Relationship like ours?”
“Since the first day I met you both, you were smitten with each other. You were so in love, so perfect together. What’s happened?”
You.
“I don’t know...”
“Fix it Junsu-ah.”
“I can’t.”
“If you want something as badly as this, you can.”
“And what do I want?”
“To be happy with Yoochun.”
“How do you know that’s what I want? You don’t know me.”
“Junsu-”
“Who are you to tell me to fix it?! Maybe I don’t want to fix it!”
Junsu pushes the chair under him away in frustration.
“Yah, what’s got into you?!”
“I’m sick of this! I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to think, I don’t know how this happened.”
Jaejoong takes Junsu in his arms, embracing him tightly.
No matter what happened Jaejoong was there for both Yoochun and Junsu. He was the friend who would listen and make it better, even if it was for a few minutes. Yet it was this very friend who was obliviously unaware, Junsu was like this because of him, and embraces like this only made it worse.
Tears escape from the corners of the younger man’s eyes as he rested against Jaejoong’s shoulder taking in his scent.
“Junsu-ah.”
Junsu closes his eyes accepting the warmth of Jaejoong’s fingers against his cheeks wiping away his tears. His skin tingled.
“Talk to me...”
The soft tone of Jaejoong’s voice sends Junsu’s mind afar from reality.
He opens his eyes to see bright blue orbs staring intently into his and before he knows it Junsu’s lips are on Jaejoong’s.
“Junsu! What the hell are you doing?!”
“...Jae-”
“Er, I’m going to leave. Later, we’ll erm we’ll talk later...”
The door clicks shut.
Head buried in the depth of his hands, Junsu’s tears retraces it previous path.
No, I can’t lose you too.
He opens the door and chases after Jaejoong.
“Ja-”
Lips come crashing into his, Jaejoong’s sudden invasion sends an array of emotions through Junsu’s body. Fingers explore places of secrecy, their bodies violating the rules of what was right. Tongues delve into the depth of each other’s mouth, captivating the soft moans of lust. Soundless cries escape into the doorway as Jaejoong marks fierce bruises on Junsu’s neck. Ah Jaejoong.
Thoughts, words, touch was Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
Tugging of leather and denim, the echoes of unzipped metal, the struggling of gaining domination. The door slams shut.
◊◊◊◊◊
Junsu’s legs are entangled between Jaejoong’s.
The older man brushes of the loose hair away from Junsu’s face, a soft smile lingers upon his face. Jaejoong shakes wrong thoughts out of his mind, carefully freeing himself away, he leaves.
◊◊◊◊◊
No interactions are made between the three of them for a number of days. All cooped in the comfort and safety of their own space.
Junsu was more confused than ever. Staring into his cell phone, he hopes for some kind of movement. A wait not worth hoping for.
Yoochun wanted to leave but his love held him back. He stays in the spare room, yet finds himself loitering outside their bedroom wanting to knock. A knock that never happens.
Jaejoong, what friend was he? How does he face his two closest friends again? Guilt ridden and confused, he spends most of the day at the bar. As Junsu constantly run circles in his mind.
“I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this”
◊◊◊◊◊
The home they both found solace in had always been the same place, no matter what. Jaejoong’s apartment was somewhere they were able to take a breather, a place where they shared their worries and fears which they couldn’t share with each other. Whether Jaejoong was home or not, the spare key that he provided the both of them was their key to peace.
It had been a week. Junsu found himself outside Jaejoong’s house today, swirling the spare key between the groves of his fingers, he wonders if he should knock. Letting himself in had become a norm every time he arrived at Jaejoong’s apartment, yet at this moment in time was his intention to see Jaejoong part of the norm too?
It is the norm, it has to be.
He opens to door and finds a familiar figure by the balcony. However it wasn’t the familiar figure he wanted to face. Not yet.
“So you’re running away as well as avoiding me?”
Junsu is stopped mid-turn towards the front door, his heart thumps against his chest.
“No, I...I...”
“You what?”
“Yoochun.”
Junsu joins Yoochun on the balcony, their arms hangs off the railings as the cold breeze kisses against their face stinging their delicate skin.
Yoochun pulls out the cigarette that had sat comfortably on the corner of his lips. Junsu watches as the cancerous smoke disperses into oblivion hoping that he could go too. Maybe it was a simpler world out there.
“Would you catch me if I fell?”
The bitter silence looms upon them again, creating a tension that became visible, a tension that shouldn’t exist within the two of them as lovers. They both waited not knowing. Junsu not knowing how to respond, Yoochun not knowing what to expect in return of his request, as they both observe the city below them. 20 floors high.
Junsu’s heartbeat eradicates. Faster and faster, and faster.
“I...I can’t.”
Yoochun’s head lowered, his eyes tightly close as he bit his lip. It was almost like he hadn’t expected Junsu to answer the way he did, but he knew, his heart wasn’t Junsu’s any longer. Why on earth would Junsu catch him?
“I can’t promise you that when you fall I’d catch you. I can’t save you; I can’t take away all the pain. I can’t promise it’ll be alright, it’s too late. But I’d fall with you. I’ll protect you from the fall, relieve some of the pain. I have to”.
“Why? Why have I become something you have to protect? You shouldn’t have to do anything. It’s supposed to be something you want to do, something unforced. Why are you here Junsu? No one forced you to stay with me, if you’re not satisfied, why didn’t you leave? Why cause this pain?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore”.
“No Junsu, you do know. You just won’t admit it. It’s Jaejoong you want.”
They maintain eye contact for the first time this evening.
“How...”
“How did I know? You may keep his name underwraps while we fucked Junsu, but the words which escape from your mouth when you’re asleep are uncontrollable. We both know who you want.”
“Yoochun-ah!”
The door burst open to find both friends leaning dangerously over the railings.
“Yah, don’t be stupid. Get away from the edge!”
“Don’t leave it too long this time. Grasp it. Take the wrongs and make it right. Goodbye Junsu.”
The empty space beside Junsu makes the atmosphere that extra bit colder.
Words are shared between the two older men which are murmurs to Junsu’s ears.
He looks out to the starless sky; the bright flashes from airplanes are the only visible beauty of the night sky. Junsu closes his eyes and makes a wish just in case.
“I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes”
“Hey.”
Junsu turns halfway towards Jaejoong and manages a small smile; the city nights illuminate his side profile.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Why do you think? It is your home.”
“Oh, of course.”
“You didn’t think we would jump did you?”
“I...I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Well that makes the two of us I guess, but what I do know is that I think I’ve lost my lover.”
“And I think I’ve lost my friend.”
The older man rests his head on Junsu’s shoulder, sighing in a relief of some sort .
Both minds confused yet both hearts on the same level. The tightness around their chest has loosened, it’s erratic, it’s pounding, and it’s possibly falling into one.
“Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)”
~~~~
*hides* I'm as confused as Junsu :P I hope it's not too complicated to understand...
Comments are loved ♥ ♥
To go back to a place much simpler than this”
-B.o.B. Airplanes featuring Hayley Williams
“What’s happened to us?”
He hands abruptly stops, hovering on top of the lettered buttons.
“What are you talking about?”
“This. Us. We’re living under the same roof yet you feel so far away. You’re too far away from me Junsu-ah”.
“I’m right here Yoochun”.
“Why are you being like this?”
“Being like what? I’m not being like anything?”
“Why are so damn foreign about this? You’ve been so fucking cold these few weeks! Tell me what’s wrong?”
The back of Yoochun’s hand brushes against the younger man’s cheek, he had yearned to touch Junsu for so long.
The sensation of Yoochun's touch no longer had the same effect it once did. His skin no longer tingled, his heart no longer pounded against his chest.
Junsu’s fingers clench in between the grooves of the keyboard.
I don’t know what’s wrong Yoochun-ah.
His cups the older man’s hand as it lingers for a second before he pulls the hand away from his face.
“Nothing’s wrong...”
“This is the problem with you, you can't face up to reality. Open your eyes! Can’t you see?”
“See what?! There’s nothing to see, we’re fine!”
“Ha, fine?! We’re close to over, and you think we’re fine!? Don’t you want to save us? How long can you endure this for? I don’t know how longer I can fight this for if you don’t fight with me Junsu-ah.”
Their hearts are tightening in a grip that’s causing this uncontrollable pain. Junsu’s confused and he’s dragging his lover down with him.
I'm not worth the fight though.
“Don’t fight then! Go! Leave me!”
His flame was slowing dying. Junsu was slowly pushing his lover away and he didn’t know whether it was the right thing to do. His thoughts were not right. His actions were not right. This wasn’t right.
The door slams shut.
His head collapses onto his arms.
What the fuck’s wrong with me?
When the lovers kissed, he took over Junsu’s mind. When the lovers made love, his name was on the tip of Junsu’s tongue. When the lovers touched, Junsu wished it was that of his.
Fists smash against the keys; his document filled with meaningless words and confused red squiggles as a result. Just like his thoughts.
Why are you constantly on my mind? Why are you taking over my heart?
The door clicks open.
“Yoochun, I- Oh, Jaejoong-ah”.
His heart wants to escape.
“What’s happened? Why is Yoochun so upset?”
“Where is he?”
“I told him to cool down at my place. What’s happened?”
“No-nothing”.
“Yoochun is in tears and it’s the result of nothing?!”
Junsu’s head hangs in guilt.
I’m so sorry Yoochun-ah.
“It’s was just an argument...”
“Look, what’s with the both of you lately? Arguments as frequent as these are not healthy in a relationship like yours.”
“Relationship like ours?”
“Since the first day I met you both, you were smitten with each other. You were so in love, so perfect together. What’s happened?”
You.
“I don’t know...”
“Fix it Junsu-ah.”
“I can’t.”
“If you want something as badly as this, you can.”
“And what do I want?”
“To be happy with Yoochun.”
“How do you know that’s what I want? You don’t know me.”
“Junsu-”
“Who are you to tell me to fix it?! Maybe I don’t want to fix it!”
Junsu pushes the chair under him away in frustration.
“Yah, what’s got into you?!”
“I’m sick of this! I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to think, I don’t know how this happened.”
Jaejoong takes Junsu in his arms, embracing him tightly.
No matter what happened Jaejoong was there for both Yoochun and Junsu. He was the friend who would listen and make it better, even if it was for a few minutes. Yet it was this very friend who was obliviously unaware, Junsu was like this because of him, and embraces like this only made it worse.
Tears escape from the corners of the younger man’s eyes as he rested against Jaejoong’s shoulder taking in his scent.
“Junsu-ah.”
Junsu closes his eyes accepting the warmth of Jaejoong’s fingers against his cheeks wiping away his tears. His skin tingled.
“Talk to me...”
The soft tone of Jaejoong’s voice sends Junsu’s mind afar from reality.
He opens his eyes to see bright blue orbs staring intently into his and before he knows it Junsu’s lips are on Jaejoong’s.
“Junsu! What the hell are you doing?!”
“...Jae-”
“Er, I’m going to leave. Later, we’ll erm we’ll talk later...”
The door clicks shut.
Head buried in the depth of his hands, Junsu’s tears retraces it previous path.
No, I can’t lose you too.
He opens the door and chases after Jaejoong.
“Ja-”
Lips come crashing into his, Jaejoong’s sudden invasion sends an array of emotions through Junsu’s body. Fingers explore places of secrecy, their bodies violating the rules of what was right. Tongues delve into the depth of each other’s mouth, captivating the soft moans of lust. Soundless cries escape into the doorway as Jaejoong marks fierce bruises on Junsu’s neck. Ah Jaejoong.
Thoughts, words, touch was Jaejoong, Jaejoong, Jaejoong.
Tugging of leather and denim, the echoes of unzipped metal, the struggling of gaining domination. The door slams shut.
◊◊◊◊◊
Junsu’s legs are entangled between Jaejoong’s.
The older man brushes of the loose hair away from Junsu’s face, a soft smile lingers upon his face. Jaejoong shakes wrong thoughts out of his mind, carefully freeing himself away, he leaves.
◊◊◊◊◊
No interactions are made between the three of them for a number of days. All cooped in the comfort and safety of their own space.
Junsu was more confused than ever. Staring into his cell phone, he hopes for some kind of movement. A wait not worth hoping for.
Yoochun wanted to leave but his love held him back. He stays in the spare room, yet finds himself loitering outside their bedroom wanting to knock. A knock that never happens.
Jaejoong, what friend was he? How does he face his two closest friends again? Guilt ridden and confused, he spends most of the day at the bar. As Junsu constantly run circles in his mind.
“I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this”
◊◊◊◊◊
The home they both found solace in had always been the same place, no matter what. Jaejoong’s apartment was somewhere they were able to take a breather, a place where they shared their worries and fears which they couldn’t share with each other. Whether Jaejoong was home or not, the spare key that he provided the both of them was their key to peace.
It had been a week. Junsu found himself outside Jaejoong’s house today, swirling the spare key between the groves of his fingers, he wonders if he should knock. Letting himself in had become a norm every time he arrived at Jaejoong’s apartment, yet at this moment in time was his intention to see Jaejoong part of the norm too?
It is the norm, it has to be.
He opens to door and finds a familiar figure by the balcony. However it wasn’t the familiar figure he wanted to face. Not yet.
“So you’re running away as well as avoiding me?”
Junsu is stopped mid-turn towards the front door, his heart thumps against his chest.
“No, I...I...”
“You what?”
“Yoochun.”
Junsu joins Yoochun on the balcony, their arms hangs off the railings as the cold breeze kisses against their face stinging their delicate skin.
Yoochun pulls out the cigarette that had sat comfortably on the corner of his lips. Junsu watches as the cancerous smoke disperses into oblivion hoping that he could go too. Maybe it was a simpler world out there.
“Would you catch me if I fell?”
The bitter silence looms upon them again, creating a tension that became visible, a tension that shouldn’t exist within the two of them as lovers. They both waited not knowing. Junsu not knowing how to respond, Yoochun not knowing what to expect in return of his request, as they both observe the city below them. 20 floors high.
Junsu’s heartbeat eradicates. Faster and faster, and faster.
“I...I can’t.”
Yoochun’s head lowered, his eyes tightly close as he bit his lip. It was almost like he hadn’t expected Junsu to answer the way he did, but he knew, his heart wasn’t Junsu’s any longer. Why on earth would Junsu catch him?
“I can’t promise you that when you fall I’d catch you. I can’t save you; I can’t take away all the pain. I can’t promise it’ll be alright, it’s too late. But I’d fall with you. I’ll protect you from the fall, relieve some of the pain. I have to”.
“Why? Why have I become something you have to protect? You shouldn’t have to do anything. It’s supposed to be something you want to do, something unforced. Why are you here Junsu? No one forced you to stay with me, if you’re not satisfied, why didn’t you leave? Why cause this pain?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore”.
“No Junsu, you do know. You just won’t admit it. It’s Jaejoong you want.”
They maintain eye contact for the first time this evening.
“How...”
“How did I know? You may keep his name underwraps while we fucked Junsu, but the words which escape from your mouth when you’re asleep are uncontrollable. We both know who you want.”
“Yoochun-ah!”
The door burst open to find both friends leaning dangerously over the railings.
“Yah, don’t be stupid. Get away from the edge!”
“Don’t leave it too long this time. Grasp it. Take the wrongs and make it right. Goodbye Junsu.”
The empty space beside Junsu makes the atmosphere that extra bit colder.
Words are shared between the two older men which are murmurs to Junsu’s ears.
He looks out to the starless sky; the bright flashes from airplanes are the only visible beauty of the night sky. Junsu closes his eyes and makes a wish just in case.
“I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes”
“Hey.”
Junsu turns halfway towards Jaejoong and manages a small smile; the city nights illuminate his side profile.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Why do you think? It is your home.”
“Oh, of course.”
“You didn’t think we would jump did you?”
“I...I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“Well that makes the two of us I guess, but what I do know is that I think I’ve lost my lover.”
“And I think I’ve lost my friend.”
The older man rests his head on Junsu’s shoulder, sighing in a relief of some sort .
Both minds confused yet both hearts on the same level. The tightness around their chest has loosened, it’s erratic, it’s pounding, and it’s possibly falling into one.
“Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)”
~~~~
*hides* I'm as confused as Junsu :P I hope it's not too complicated to understand...
Comments are loved ♥ ♥