(no subject)
I have a lot of how's going on in my life right now.
HOW is it almost thanksgiving? That is crazy
HOW am I almost done with my first semester of college? I come back from thanksgiving, have 2 weeks of classes, then finals. One month from today, I'm done. Crazy.
HOW am I able to tell someone exactly how I feel for them so easily? Granted it may not have been easy, but it was like word vomit exploding from my mouth. Once I start, there's no turning back and there I am, in shock that I just poured all these emotions everywhere and I'm naked and exposed and all of my guards have dissolved?
HOW did I sit at south station for 6 hours on Monday just thinking about everything with no money, people magazine, and some cds just staring blankly at all the people coming and going
HOW am I here...just in this place in my life. I can't even decide if it's a good place or a bad place. I don't know right from wrong. This year has been such a growing year for me and so much of it has been liberating or freeing and I don't even know if i've taken the time to really aknowledge that. So much has happened over the past twelve months, and it even started well before that. When I do stop back, take a breath, and try to analyze everything, it's sometimes too much to handle. Do you ever look back to when you were 17 and then look where you are now? It doesn't seem like much goes on in those twoish sort of years, but in reality, a lot happens. We change. We grow. We're in a lot of ways, different people than we were sophomore and junior year. We need that time to mature and fall into the right place. I hope he does. I really hope he does.
Now on another note. Quinn and Karina and I have talked about this a lot. It doesn't seem like people are as close with best friends as like the three of us are. If anyone asked who my best friends are, I think it's pretty easy to know that it's quinn and karina. but if you asked me who like cecily's best friend was...i'd have no idea! something about us three just makes it feel different...i don't know how to explain it. just weve been there for each other. some days we hate each other. other days we're going to become lesbians and raise kids together so we can be mommy 1 2 and 3. who ever knows. but i just..i dont know. i think our class and friendships were exceptionally close.
i miss color day and spirit week. i feel so like empty this week not running around, buying extra decorations, collecting shitloads of coins (even though you guys arent doing this anymore), and having some crazy costume to wear. who will get most school spirit this year? hmmm. i loved color day..i really did. it always seemed to be so much drama but it really was one of my most favorite times of high school every year. i looked forward to it so much. sarah and i are going on wednesday..i can't wait to actually see it from the audience. haha soooo excited! the best thing ever was last year, on spirit night, i was scheduled to work at shaws but i had forgot that i was supposed to work that night. clearly spirit night was waayyy more important, so i tired to call in sick early that morning. the bitch boss, brenda, was like " its two days before thanksgiving...this is our busiest time." and i was like "i know im so sorry, but we're going away for thanksgiving and my mom wants me to stay home today so i can be ok to go" so she asked "are you going to the doctors" and stupidly i was like "yeah" so she says "bring me a doctors note" and hangs up. WHAAAAAAT THE FUCK! sooooo i had to take karinas car during school, call my doctors office, schedule an appointment, go there, fake sick, get a prescription for medicine i dont even need, call to cancel the prescription, bring my doctors note into work, act sick there, and then go have an amazing time at spirit night. so seriously, everyone go. it will be worth it to be with your class and make more memories. sooooo good.
alright lovelies, i'm going home tomorrow night. yes i do have classes tuesday and wednesday, but let's be real..i need to give myself a week's vaca, so i'm outta here tomorrow night at 9:35...after rehearsal..which speaking of which...i'm in hte VAGINA MONOLOGUES. you guys should all come see it in february..it will be a good time, i promise. there is like a choir of people who have to orgasm during different scenes, it'll be great. i got the closing monologue so you get to hear me talk about vaginas. seriously...good stuff. ok i love you all and better see you all at the game!!! xoxoxoxo