mmm it's been awhile
I forgot this thing existed for a little while. The last thing I wrote said that I was going to Oxford in the fall. That didn't happen. I did go to Austria this summer and it was incredible. Gorgeous country, great people. I was living an ideal life for 6 weeks. Twas hard to come back.
But I'm here. At UGA. Still in Athens. Doing ok.
I messed up big time this summer. I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people that I am very sorry for hurting. I was becoming somebody I didn't like. It lead to a lot of stress. I am still embarrassed and upset that I acted in the way I did to so many people. I'm not taking many hours this semester. I hate putting school on the back burner, since it has always been top priority for me, but I am taking time to do some self reflecting, self defining, self discovery. I am rebuilding relationships that I let slip during my 5 months of insanity. I cut too many people out and let too many things go, thinking I could get away with it and it wouldn't bother me. I was humbled very quickly. I am working really hard to become who I want to be, instead of doing shitty things and thinking they are ok. I am very thankful for the people who have found ways to forgive me during this time. I am trying really hard to keep in contact with those people I cut out and to rebuild some lost trust. I am trying to focus on the good things that came out of it-- such as realizing that I can't get away with everything, and finding out that I have so many good friends who were able to forgo negative thoughts and help me rather than judge me for the situation. So for that I am thankful.
The classes I am in are going well, though. I went through a phase of skipping too many classes, which I never used to do. But luckily it was not too late to get back on my feet and I have high b's or a's in those classes. Thank God.
I am trying to eat healthier-- eat more in general. I have gained some weight, since I was getting ridiculously skinny for awhile. I gained about 6 pounds in Austria this summer, then promptly lost almost all of it when I came back and became stressed once again, but I'm slowly gaining it back. I feel better physically than I have in ages. I am working on meditating; I am learning some calming techniques. MY social anxiety is still a big issue for me, but I am working through that slowly. It's a long, tedious process, but hopefully once it's complete the future will be a lot easier.
I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have a major set, debating on a minor. But what to do after I get out? No idea. I am still scheduled to graduate on time, even after I fucked up some hours this year. Just an extra couple of summer classes will take care of that. I am looking for an internship with a non-profit organization for this upcoming summer, hopefully one that is not in the South. I despise southern summers.
I have begun to realize the reality of the American capitalistic system. I am not bitching about my middle class state of being, but I have realized that the financial situation a person is born into really affects their future. I could do a lot of great things, if only I had the money. I guess going abroad this summer really affected my view on politics and the wealth distribution. Meh.
I'm looking to take up a second job at the end of November-- since I am not taking many hours, I have plenty of time and I could greatly use the money. All of my demanding assignments will be done by the time the Christmas season starts; I'll have two finals-- but very manageable finals that don't require too much preparing outside of going to class and doing the readings. But all my research papers (which I have an ample amount of) and whatnot will be turned in. Sooo we'll see about that.
anyway that's all i got. hope everyone is doing well.
But I'm here. At UGA. Still in Athens. Doing ok.
I messed up big time this summer. I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of and hurt a lot of people that I am very sorry for hurting. I was becoming somebody I didn't like. It lead to a lot of stress. I am still embarrassed and upset that I acted in the way I did to so many people. I'm not taking many hours this semester. I hate putting school on the back burner, since it has always been top priority for me, but I am taking time to do some self reflecting, self defining, self discovery. I am rebuilding relationships that I let slip during my 5 months of insanity. I cut too many people out and let too many things go, thinking I could get away with it and it wouldn't bother me. I was humbled very quickly. I am working really hard to become who I want to be, instead of doing shitty things and thinking they are ok. I am very thankful for the people who have found ways to forgive me during this time. I am trying really hard to keep in contact with those people I cut out and to rebuild some lost trust. I am trying to focus on the good things that came out of it-- such as realizing that I can't get away with everything, and finding out that I have so many good friends who were able to forgo negative thoughts and help me rather than judge me for the situation. So for that I am thankful.
The classes I am in are going well, though. I went through a phase of skipping too many classes, which I never used to do. But luckily it was not too late to get back on my feet and I have high b's or a's in those classes. Thank God.
I am trying to eat healthier-- eat more in general. I have gained some weight, since I was getting ridiculously skinny for awhile. I gained about 6 pounds in Austria this summer, then promptly lost almost all of it when I came back and became stressed once again, but I'm slowly gaining it back. I feel better physically than I have in ages. I am working on meditating; I am learning some calming techniques. MY social anxiety is still a big issue for me, but I am working through that slowly. It's a long, tedious process, but hopefully once it's complete the future will be a lot easier.
I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have a major set, debating on a minor. But what to do after I get out? No idea. I am still scheduled to graduate on time, even after I fucked up some hours this year. Just an extra couple of summer classes will take care of that. I am looking for an internship with a non-profit organization for this upcoming summer, hopefully one that is not in the South. I despise southern summers.
I have begun to realize the reality of the American capitalistic system. I am not bitching about my middle class state of being, but I have realized that the financial situation a person is born into really affects their future. I could do a lot of great things, if only I had the money. I guess going abroad this summer really affected my view on politics and the wealth distribution. Meh.
I'm looking to take up a second job at the end of November-- since I am not taking many hours, I have plenty of time and I could greatly use the money. All of my demanding assignments will be done by the time the Christmas season starts; I'll have two finals-- but very manageable finals that don't require too much preparing outside of going to class and doing the readings. But all my research papers (which I have an ample amount of) and whatnot will be turned in. Sooo we'll see about that.
anyway that's all i got. hope everyone is doing well.