Weakness...

[foreva21]

I can't stop thinking about him...I wish I could just go back to the beginning n start over...and undo all the things that went wrong...and see if that makes a difference. I miss him so much. I still cry...wondering if I'll ever see him again...if he'll ever hold me in his arms and want me like he did that one afternoon in spring many months ago. I never thought anyone could make me feel so weak. I never thought I could want someone so bad that even after he broke my heart into a million pieces, I can't hate him. Altho I know that he may never come back...that he thinks he's too good for me...a part of me still wishes to be with him. Once again. Just once. I remember everything! The day we met at the mall to the night when I last kissed him. I remember being so happy to have someone like him in my life. I didn't see it coming. I was a blind fool. And I remember being scared when I read the message he sent me early morning. Something inside me told me it was over. And it was. It was over before I got a chance to really be with him like a real couple. It started out so beautifully...I did the best I could...and ended so quickly n horribly that I was in an utter shock for weeks. I've done everything I could to get closer to him and all he did was push me away. Sort of the like that song Behind these hazel eyes by Kelly Clarkson:

Here I am
once again
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken up, deep inside
but you wont get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes
swallow me then spit me out
for hated you I blame myself
seeing you, it kills me now
though I dont cry on the outside anymore

I juss want to be with YOU.